Weigh-in

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I have returned!

After a few months of going up, down, up, down, up, up, up, I've finally kicked my own ass and put it into high-gear. No more screwing around. No more denying how many carbs are in things. No more laziness. No more whatever it is I've been doing wrong for the past several months.

I kept getting back up to 307, and then I'd manage to get down to 302, hang out there for a couple weeks, and then right back up. Ugh.

I finally kicked that cycle, got myself back down to 302, then 301, then 300, and then whoosh - here I am at 297 this morning, right back where I was before our trip to San Francisco, right where I should be.

Now that I'm focused, disciplined, worshipping my Fitbit, working out more, and keeping my carbs to a very strict 40-80 every day, I plan to see that number go down instead of back up over 300 again. It is way too easy for me to gain a couple of pounds just from one bowl of cereal, so I really, really need to stay focused on low-carb, low/zero-sugar eating. I'm not messing around anymore. I don't want to be pre-diabetic. Having insulin resistance is irritating and a pain in the ass as it is. I hate giving up my yummy protein cereal, but I've developed a new love for the breakfast sandwiches I've been making in the morning. It's a low-carb flatbread with egg white, ham, spinach, and cheese. Yummmmmy! And it fills me up for 2-3 hours, right about the time I have my morning snack. :)

Anyway, the lowest I've been (and it was for, like, two days) is 296, so I'm not going to full-on celebrate until I drop two more pounds, but STILL. I'm very optimistic. I lost four pounds during the past 7-8 days, and that's very good a sign that I'm doing exactly what I need to. Yay, me.

I've neglected this blog for a long time because I was so depressed about the up/down, not to mention very busy with school and trips and my promotion at work and so on. I'll get some new pictures up and maybe summarize some of our recent trips at some point. I also have some recipes to post. :)

Weigh-in

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296 on the nose!

I know I haven't done this in a while. I switched to monthly weigh-ins for the blog because I've incorporated strength training into my routine, and that's causing a big shift in clothes and measurements (yay!) but not on the scale (sorta-boo).

I say "sorta boo" because the number on the scale is so fickle. A lot of people who are new to weight loss get so wrapped up in that number, not knowing what it represents. As most of you know, a woman's weight can vary quite a bit due to hormones and water retention. Then you toss in things like too much sodium, not enough water, holding food in your system (i.e. not pooping for a couple days), water retention in your muscles after a good workout, NSAIDs (which can cause water retention), and on and on and on.

So, while my clothes are fitting awesomely and I've been able to get into more and more of my 2X shirts, along with the size 20/22 jeans in my closet, my weight has been dancing around 298 for a few weeks, even going up to 300 or 301 a couple times. Gack.

This week, however, I finally saw a real loss. I knew my body would whoosh at some point. :) This puts me down four-ish pounds from my last blog weigh-in, which means an average loss of close to a pound per week. That is dead on to the recommendation of 1-2 pounds per week, with an allowance for insulin resistance and eating WAY too much crap this past month. I'm actually pretty surprised I lost anything, considering I ate at maintenance and didn't exercise during the entire week I was mourning Oz, and then I ate way too many carbs in Chicago and couldn't exercise all this week because the Chicago trip exacerbate the pain in my left foot. I tried to push it on Tuesday and made it even worse. :-P

So there we have it. I'm going to continue to weigh-in every day at home, since it helps me keep my sodium and water in check, but the blog will get monthly weigh-ins for the purpose of the big picture.

I'll also try to upload more pictures in general. I have a post about Chicago ready to go, and I have several pictures in 2X shirts, new jeans, and jeans I thought I could finally wear again (but they're actually too BIG now!)

Watery Weigh-in

Oh. My. Word.

Well, I'm not 302 anymore, but I'm still up this morning. 300.2, to be exact.

As I said in my last entry, this isn't surprising, but it's definitely irritating. My boots were suuuuuuper tight when I zipped them up this morning, and my belly is poofy like when I bloat during PMS, so I need to keep drowning myself in water and green tea and pray I get back to 297 at some point. Seeing that "3" on the scale again is so annoying, especially since I thought I'd be close to 290 by now.

Oh well. It's not like I could help being sick, but I should know better than to eat Chinese food the night before weigh-in. :-P

On the other hand, whenever I post weigh-ins, the "suggested posts" at the bottom of my entry tend to show previous weigh-ins. Even if I'm a little depressed about the current one, it always makes me feel better to see the little number icons that say "312" or "335" at the bottom. Instead of feeling sort of down, I perk up right away because I think, "At least I'm not there anymore." It also shows me how far I've come. :)

-=-

Thank you for all of your good health wishes. I do feel much better now, so I'm glad I rode it out instead of paying to see the doctor. It cleared up yesterday, and I feel 100% back to normal today.

I totally had a dance party in my room last night. Brent went to see the new Evil Dead movie, so I turned on my blue light bulb and cranked up the dance music. Brent is hardly ever gone in the evening, like almost never, so I always get pretty excited when he leaves and I can act like a crack monkey. I danced around for about an hour, so I'm counting that as my workout.

I'm working the 7:00 shift today. I wanted to kill someone when my alarm went off at 5:30, but this is actually pretty nice (now that I'm caffeinated). I like being here before 95% of the office arrives, and it will be awesome to leave at 3:30 when the others are still stuck here. ;)

Weigh-in

Up a pound.

I am definitely not shocked, so I'm trying not to grumble about it. I'm just pleased it's not more. When we returned from Chicago, I was up three pounds from sodium, lack of water, and some pretty bad swelling and pain in my left foot. My goal for this week was to maintain, not lose, so dropping two of those three pounds is pretty phenomenal considering I was WAY over on sodium again and barely drank any water. Bad Sarah! ;) I didn't actively try to get rid of that weight, so I really can't grumble too much. I only have myself to blame.

My rings and shoes are still sort of tight, but my pants are loose, so I know it's water, and I know what I need to do. I'm going to drown myself in water all weekend and try to sweat some of it out. Perhaps I'll see a "loss" over the next couple of days. (I'm aiming to get back to 297 by Monday, not an actual loss, hence the quotation marks.)

Honestly, though, I'd like to get past 297, because I can feel my weight loss slowing again, and I'd really like to get out of the 290s before that happens. I still feel perilously close to 300 pounds, and that's super uncomfortable. I honestly will not be able to relax until I see 289 on the scale. It simply won't happen. That "3" is still burned into my brain and still makes me panicky, so it's imperative I get down to 289 or 290. Being this close to 300 means one weekend of horrible eating could put me right back up to a "3", and I will not have that.

Weigh-in

Woot!


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Down 2.2 pounds to 297.2. That puts me juuuuuust shy of 60 pounds lost, as in 59.freaking8, so I'm going to count it. :)

I have today off since I worked last Saturday, and Brent was able to finish up a project and get today off too. We're going to Chicago this weekend, and Brent being able to get today off gives us some extra time. I wasn't thrilled about heading there during rush hour, so I was pretty happy when he came home and gave me the news last night. We slept SUPER late, though, so we might end up getting there around 5:00 anyway. Good thing we gain an hour on the way there. ;)

It was hard to get out of bed. I haven't been sleeping well all week, so I crashed around 11:00 last night. I woke up at 7:00 out of habit and then went back to sleep until close to 11:00! Brent's snoring and the kitty antics didn't wake me up a million times like they usually do, so I must have been really tired. I woke up with Brent on my left, Winter by my feet, and Sherlock snuggled up on my right. Once he realized I was awake, Sherlock came up and laid on my pillow above my head, purring his kitty head off. He has a loud, rumbly purr, so there was no way I was going to leave that nest of comfort. Brent woke up around 11:30 and made us some coffee. I still feel sleepy. Geez.

Anyway, I'm pretty excited about Chicago and my weigh-in. I had a goal to get under 300 pounds by this trip, and I nailed it. /pats self on back

Weigh-in

Wow. I didn't update at all last week or this week. Oops.

Anyway, I'm still holding steady at 299. I figured this would happen since I had three huge whooshes within just a few days of each other about a week and a half ago. I tend to lose in big whooshes and then maintain for a couple weeks before another whoosh.

Hopefully, that whoosh comes this week. :) I'd like to get down to 298 or 297 so I feel firmly in the 200s. Right now, my daily fluctuations are still putting a "3" on that scale on occasion since I'm right on that line of 299/300. Grrrr! I'm excited for it to be a steady "2".

Today I calculated that losing 58 pounds means I've lost 16% of my body weight so far. Now that I'm down to 299, if I lose another 58 pounds, that will be 32% of my body weight, and I'll be at a weight where most things are comfortable again but some things are still limited. Another 58 pounds after that will be 49% of my body weight, and I'll be at 183, a weight where I wasn't prohibited from anything (except bikinis and super short skirts, but I have no interest in those things).

It's kind of nice to think I just have to do this two more times and I'll be back to riding roller coasters and not having a care in the world. While I'd love to be 157 eventually, my main goal is really to get under 200 and be "acceptably" fat. I was always really happy between 160 and 190 and never felt shunned, insulted, ostracized, or prohibited from doing the things I love. I did wear plus sizes, but finding attractive clothes and looking good in them is much easier when you're a size 14 or 16 as opposed to a size 24 or 26.

Anyway, I obviously plan to keep losing once I get under 200; I just won't feel as much pressure.

If I can get to 157, my goal weight, I'll have lost 56% of my body weight. Holy cow. I'll have lost half of me and then some. I'll take up half as much space as I used to. That's a very strange concept to me.

I weighed that much in high school, but it was so long ago that I can't remember what it felt like to weigh that much. I thought I was really fat back then (because I was a stupid teenager who thought curves = fat, even though I had muscle and could run two miles), so I don't have any memories of not being fat. My relatives always got on my case about my weight and eating habits, so even though I wasn't fat, I've always felt fat. That is really, really sad. I can't wait to get back to that weight, knowing what I know now, and feel incredibly awesome about it. I hope I don't get that "Fat Girl Curse", where I still feel like I weigh 300+ pounds even though I'm half that size.

OMG OMG OMG YAY!

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Down 1.2 pounds to 299.4! I'm finally under 300 pounds! Yaaaaayyyyyy! /happy dance

Part of me can't believe it. I haven't seen a 2 on the scale since 2008, and even that was fairly short-lived. I got down to 265 that summer and went right back up to 300 the following January. The last time I was under 300 pounds for any length of time was 2003. It's been a long ten years, and I hope I never, ever see 300 on the scale again. Good riddance.

Eek!

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See?!? This is what I'm talking about when I say I really, really need to change my weigh-in day to Friday or Saturday. I always have a whoosh on Friday after being pretty static on Wednesday. I've lost another couple pounds since Wednesday, putting me at 300.6 today.

300.6

I am that close to getting under 300. Hopefully, the next time I step on the scale, I'll see a "2" instead of a "3". I'm only 0.7 pounds away, so I'm kind of tempted to sweat it out in the gym tonight. I won't, though, since I'd know it was just water weight and then feel silly when the scale went back to 300.

Still. It IS tempting. ;)

Weigh-in & Chicago

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Oops! I missed yesterday's weigh-in. I had Monday off, so my brain has been on the wrong day all week.

Anyway, I'm down a pound to 302.6! Just a couple more pounds to 300. :) It's amazing how a couple pounds can feel so close yet so far away. I remember thinking I'd be under 300 by Thanksgiving and then seriously disappointed when I didn't get there by Christmas or even New Year's Day. It's gone much slower than I imagined it would, but then I remember being 350, 340, 330 and it doesn't seem so bad. I got stuck between 310 and 320 for a few months, but 310 - 300 has been sailing along at an average pace of 1-2 pounds per week. :)

-=-

As I said, I had a personal day on Monday. I took it thinking I would need a full three days to finally recover from bronchitis, but it cleared up Sunday night. I felt restless and stir-crazy Monday morning, so I decided to go to Chicago.

I was a bit too late to make the second morning train from Kalamazoo, so I figured I'd drive. Driving gives me more time in the city anyway, since the last train from Chicago to Kalamazoo leaves at 6:00. I wish they had an 8:00 train.

Anyway, there was a bit of a snafu on the way, as the toll road no longer accepts MasterCard debit cards. I told them they could run it as credit, but they had a fit. I had to shut the car off and run across six lanes of tollway traffic to the McDonald's in the toll plaza. I used the ATM then ran back to my car. My coat is purple, and traffic wasn't heavy, but I still worried about getting hit. I stayed near the toll booths, though, where traffic was stopped, and everyone let me through. It's kind of hard to miss a fat girl in a purple coat. ;)

Once I got to Chicago, I parked in the economy lot at Midway and took the Orange Line into the city. I wouldn't normally park that far out, but taking the Orange Line from Midway into the Loop completes one step of my goal to ride every CTA line from end to end. :) I'm also SUPER close to completing the Red Line; I only have three stops to go. They're on the far south side, though, so I'll have to do that during the day and sit behind the conductor, just to be safe.

I had a good time in the city. I mostly just walked around and looked at buildings. I saw The Rookery and Chicago Board of Trade in the financial district on LaSalle. Then I went to Hershey's to get a gift for Brent and the gift store in the Hancock Building. They used to have really nice pictures and posters of Chicago, but I didn't see any this time.

After that, I went to Gino's East for dinner. I'd kind of hoped they sold pizza by the slice, but the smallest deep dish option was four pieces. I can barely eat two, so I skipped the pizza and ordered pasta. To be honest, I didn't like it, but I was pretty full from the chicken nooodle soup I got as an appetizer (which was very good), so it was no big deal.

I took the #151 bus to the Sears Tower, as I've always wanted to see The Ledge. The wait wasn't too bad, even though the express elevators were under maintenance. I waited about 30 minutes to go up and then 30 minutes again to go down.

The Ledge was awesome! I kept offering to take pictures for couples while standing there, and one of them offered to take my picture in return. I don't like my glasses (they're my old pair), but I love that you can see the city all around me.





It was quite an adrenalin rush. It was a lot of fun, but every time I looked down, I had to fight my brain's urge to push me back onto the regular floor. I could literally feel the muscles in my legs trying to turn and move back, even though I was fine. It was pretty funny and a very good lesson in biology/psychology.

After my fun on The Ledge, I took the Orange Line back to Midway, picked up my car, and drove home. I took I-94 instead of the Skyway this time, to avoid more shenanigans with the tolls. I had cash on me at that point, but I was still miffed about the earlier trip. Plus, the tolls have gone up quite a bit, so I don't know if the Skyway is worth it anymore. It used to cost around $2.80, but now it's $6.40. Someone suggested getting an I-Pass, since tolls are 50% off and you don't have to worry about carrying money, but you have to pre-load it with $50. I don't know if we'll drive to Chicago enough to make up for that. The only time we drive is when we're going just for the day; otherwise, we take Amtrak. So we'll see.

I really enjoyed my day to myself. I love wandering around Chicago and feeling anonymous in the big city. I'm so sick of Kalamazoo; I can hardly stand to even drive to work anymore. I need a change of scenery in a big way. Brent suggested going to Chicago as often as possible so I can get a break. I used to go almost every weekend, but that stopped a few years ago. Now that I've paid off my debts and have some extra "play" money again, I might do that. I have next Friday off since I'm working this Saturday, so I might head over there again. There are lots of things I like to do that Brent doesn't (like The Ledge), so I can use that time to do the things I like. He says he doesn't mind if I do stuff like that when we're there together, but I'd hate to make him wait or drag him to something that bores him. So these little day trips will be good for me, and then we can do the big stuff we both like during our trips together.

Weigh-in

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Down 1.2 to 303.4. Woot. If this trend continues, I'll be under 300 in just a couple weeks! :)

I'm really sick with a killer cold from Hell. I'm amazed I've lost weight, considering I've been eating like crap. I can barely get out of bed, so it's been a lot of quick, convenient food, like cereal and pizza rolls. I think it helps that I've been drinking a TON of water and orange juice, and I sweat my fever out yesterday. I wouldn't be surprised if some of the weight returns once I'm feeling better.

Weigh-In

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Down 3.8 pounds to 304.6. Yay! Just a few more pounds until that scale gives up a "2" instead of a "3".

It still seems completely unbelievable. I think a part of me will always feel like I'm 300+ pounds. Still, I'm going to party my big butt off when I get to 299. :)

Mini-Goal: 50 Pounds GONE!

That's right. I nailed it. In fact, I flew past it. I didn't weigh-in at 307 this morning. Instead, I weighed in at:

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306.0 on the nose. 51 pounds gone forever! I'm ecstatic.

Maybe I should make Friday my weigh-in day. I always see a drop Friday morning, whereas Wednesdays tend to be pretty static. I used to weigh-in on Fridays but switched to Wednesdays a while ago since that was my day off. Time to switch back, I guess. :)

Onto the march to 299! OMG I can't wait...

Weigh-in

Wow. I can't believe it's been a week already.

Anyway, I'm down 0.2 from last week. Whoooo. ;) I shouldn't even count that. I could eat a saltine and gain that back! :) But it's pretty much where I wanted and expected to be after last week's whoosh. I knew I probably wouldn't show a loss this week since I lost so much last week, and that's okay. Maintaining is better than gaining, so I'm happy.

I'm one pound (one!!!) away from my next mini-goal of "50 Pounds Lost" and nine pounds away from 299. NINE POUNDS. It feels so close but so far away. I remember when 299 was waaaaayyyyyy off on the horizon, and now it's within reach. I'm getting incredibly impatient. I need to just chill out and let my body do its thing.

I have never been so motivated as I am right now. Once I hit 299, it'll feel like smooth sailing all the way down to goal. I'm not saying it'll get easier physically; psychologically, though, it will be a completely different ball game. I'll be so happy to be under 300 pounds and "normal fat" that I won't feel this incredible rush and push to lose weight like I do right now. So many things will be easier for me (chairs, airplanes, clothes), even in the high 200s, that I'll finally be able to relax and enjoy losing weight instead of still feeling like a giant chunk. I'll be able to enjoy life again while losing weight instead of still struggling to do everything like I do now, despite a nearly-50-pound loss.

It's amazing what a difference nine pounds is going to make in terms of my self-esteem and confidence. I know I'm much more than the number on the scale, but I doubt whoever said that ever weighed 300+ pounds. There comes a point where that number really does define you both in your eyes and society's eyes, as sad as that is.

Weigh-in

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Down 2.4 pounds to 308.6. Just a little ways to go until 50 pounds lost!

Since I had a whoosh this week, I don't expect to lose any weight next week. I'll be pleasantly surprised if the scale shows 307 or under next week. Honestly, I'm just hoping I can just maintain the loss. Whooshes always make me nervous. ;)

Mini-Goal!

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What. The. Hell.

I dropped another 1.6 pounds overnight. I weighed in at 309.4 this morning. I weighed myself FOUR TIMES just to be sure. I've been eating and exercising exactly the same way, so it wasn't like I drank a ton of detox tea or anything like that.

Anyway, this means I've lost 3 pounds in the past week, not 1.4. Ha! I guess it was time for a whoosh? Holy cow.

This loss means I've hit my mini-goal of having a BMI under 50. It's 49.9 now. :-D

The next mini-goal is 307 (50 pounds lost). If this keeps up, I'll hit that next week. Woot! I'm so excited!

Weigh-in

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Down 1.4 pounds to 311 on the dot. Yay! I've officially lost all of the Christmas weight.

Lesson learned: a week of going crazy with food equals a month of working it off. I'll never do THAT again...

Anyway, I have 309 in my sights, and that means the final "decade" before 299 is right around the corner. :)

Weigh-in

Down 0.8 to 312.4. I'll take it. I gained another couple pounds last week, got up to 314-ish, and realized I did NOT want to be stuck at 315 AGAIN. I'm still mad that I got all the way down to 310.4 and then gained a ton of weight over the holidays. Anyway, I tightened up my carbs, and I went to the gym for the first time since - wow - before Christmas. So, I've dropped a couple pounds, but I can't really count them since my last official weigh-in was 313.2. ;)

I've started to realize that I'm one of those people who can't do it through diet alone. Every time I've lost weight successfully, it was because I exercised. As I've said before, I've lost weight "accidentally" three times, and it was because I had increased my activity tenfold. My eating didn't change, but I was probably burning enough calories through dancing and walking and such to make up for it.

Every time I hit one of these stalls or gains, as soon as I start exercising again, the weight starts coming down. I really, really, really cannot afford to be lazy anymore. I need to keep exercising and stick with it. I'm not in a rush to get the weight off, but I AM tired of stalling and losing 1-2 pounds here and there. I want a nice, steady loss every week, even if it's half a pound.

Despite not going to the gym for 3-4 weeks, I was able to do six minutes on the elliptical without a problem. I don't know why I stopped at six. I probably could have gone longer. I was in a nice rhythm. I thought I'd have to start at four minutes all over again since it had been so long, so I was surprised. Maybe I'll try to stay on for ten minutes next time. I obviously have it in me. I just have to stop wussing out. ;)

So, I have two pounds left to get to my lowest of 310.4, and then I need to get to 309 (BMI under 50) and then 307 (50 pounds lost). I feel like I've been stuck in the 310s for-EV-er, and I have, but it's my own damn fault. I got to 318 in mid-October, and I've been waffling my way to 309 ever since.

I have a doctor appointment on Feb 4th. I'm pretty nervous, even though he kept telling me he won't get upset if I don't lose anything, he just doesn't want to see a gain, and he was the person who warned me weight loss with insulin resistance is really darn slow and super frustrating.

Still. He's my doctor, and he was SO excited about my big losses from July to September that now I feel like I'm going to disappoint him with my "measly" four pounds lost. I'm hoping to get another few pounds off by then, but even still, I have a feeling I'm going to blubber all over him. Thank goodness he lost over 100 pounds and understands how much work it is. I'm still paranoid he's going to think I cheated, even though he knows me better than that.

Life Update, Weigh-In, Birthday!

Wow. Lots of things going on today. First of all, it's my birthday! :)

Me, circa 1979

When I woke up, I saw a present and card sitting on top of my laptop. Sneaky Brent!

Secondly, I've managed to lose six pounds of the weight I gained during Christmas, binging, and PMS. I weighed in at 313.2 today. I have to lose another 2.8 pounds to get back to my previous low weight of 310.4. I'm hoping to do that over the next week. I'm still really bummed about that gain, especially since I was only ten pounds away from 300.

On the other hand, I'm excited about today because I'm going to WMU (my alma mater) for some advising. I've decided to go to grad school for library science, a dream of mine since I was a teenager. Long story short, I'm going to WMU to see how close I am to a double-major, as I took a zillion History classes while working on my English major. I also have a few recommended pre-reqs for grad school I want to complete before I apply. I may just take the pre-reqs, but if I only have 3-4 classes left for a second major, I may as well finish that too. (I love being in school, so the idea of taking more classes excites me instead of annoying me.)

This means braces have to wait another year, as I'll be paying for school out-of-pocket, but that's okay. I'll have financial aid for grad school, so I can get braces while I'm working on my MLIS. The MLIS program is online, so if we do end up moving someday, it won't affect school. Wayne State is actually very cool in that they charge in-state tuition for their online program even if you don't live in Michigan. :)

After my advising appointments, I'm just going to hang out at home until Brent gets home from work. He's taking me to Zooroona, my favorite restaurant. They have amazing Middle Eastern food. I always get this salad with almonds and feta, chicken shawarma with this crazy-good garlic paste for dipping/spreading, lentil soup, saffron rice with raisins, and a fruit smoothie. Every bite of their food is full of interesting flavors. I could eat there every day. There's a chance our friends, Beth and Tony, will join us too.

I'm so excited to go back to school, even if I'm not quite as excited about turning 36. ;)

Binging

I have been absolutely horrible with my food for the past week. I did my best with Christmas, such as making eggs instead of eating what my parents had for breakfast (brown sugar covered bacon and donuts), but then we had things like this AMAZING chicken spinach lasagna and Asiago toast. I'm not supposed to eat too many carbs or too much sugar because of my insulin resistance, and after a couple days of that, my body was right back to where it was: the hunger, the cravings, the lethargy.

It just kept building and building and building. I've caught myself binging this past week. Even in the middle of a binge, I knew I was binging, but I'd just keep shoving food into my mouth.

I don't want to do this.

Part of the reason was that we hadn't gone shopping before we left for Christmas, so I didn't have any of my low-carb stuff in the house when we came home. I didn't want to go shopping because I was so tired, so I just ate a bunch of snacks and cereal. That was poor planning on my part. We restocked this past weekend, and I started bringing my usual food to work so I wouldn't have to buy cafe food or walk to the McDonald's next door. At night, however, it creeps in again. I did fine on New Year's Eve, but then a friend came over and we ordered Chinese food. Then yesterday, I did fine at work again, but I ate the rest of the crackers and cheese spread from New Year's Eve. At least, now, all of the crappy food is out of the house.

I haven't done this since May or June, so I'm not sure of the reason. I feel stressed/depressed, and I haven't been able to put my finger on why. I need to get back to the gym and re-condition myself to exercise when I'm upset rather than eat. I think the binging made me stressed, which led to more binging, amusingly enough. And then my insulin resistance kicks in and makes me hungry, which leads to more binging, and so on. But now I'm getting it back under control.

Part of me thinks it might have been the stress of the weight loss on top of everything else. Sometimes I feel so much pressure to put up a loss every week or two, and I'm so close to 300. Even though I am VERY proud of how far I've come, I hate being stuck around 310. It's like I needed a break, a week of eating at maintenance, a week where I didn't count calories or wear a heart rate monitor. I know that sounds irresponsible, and it is, but I'm human. I'm sure that, even at goal weight, I'm going to have another week where I just want to eat a ton of horrible food. I'm sure it will happen before then, even. So, I need to develop the tools (again) to stop it in its tracks.

It's the week before my period, so I can't really tell if the extra weight is from that or the binging or both. I know I haven't gone over maintenance, so I'm sure it's all water weight (especially since my clothes still fit the same - my jeans are actually loose). The problem is the scale said 318 after spending a couple weeks at 310, so my eyes practically fell out of my head this morning. That's a LOT of water weight to lose over the next week or two. But, since I usually gain 5-6 pounds before my period, I know most of it will come off. I just have to go back to my plan to get the rest of it off and keep going down, down, down.

My consolation is that pretty much everyone I know ate at maintenance between Christmas and New Year's Day, so we're all dealing with an increase (or no loss at all). So I guess if I was going to lose my mind, this was the perfect week for it. I don't feel so alone. ;)

Weigh-in & Some Pictures

Image courtesy of Ampersand Seven
Down two pounds to 310.4. I'm so close to 309 (BMI out of the 50s) and 307 (50 pounds lost) I can practically taste it. If I keep losing at my current rate, I'll hit 307 in a couple of weeks. I was hoping to be 307 by Christmas so I could tell my family I lost 50 pounds, but hey - 47-ish or 48-ish or whatever it is by then is close enough. :) I'm really proud.

Last night, I realized I was wearing the same shirt (different color) that I am in my original progress picture. I also wore the exact same blue shirt in my progress pictures from 25 pounds lost. So, I took some new pictures, even though I haven't hit 50 pounds yet.

I put the overall progress pictures on the Photos page. Here are the blue shirt pictures showing a nearly-25-pound difference. I can really see it in my stomach (not hanging as much) and thighs/butt (not quite as wide).

You can also see that this shirt is getting pretty big on me. I wear it with pajama pants now. It's super comfy.

I think it's interesting that when I lost the first 25 pounds, it was sort of hard to tell the difference between 357 and 332. But then I looked at the 332 pictures versus these pictures at 310, and the nearly-25-pound loss is more obvious. This really makes me happy! I know that losing 25 pounds is way more obvious the less you weigh, but I didn't think I'd start seeing a difference while still over 300 pounds. :)