Home (and lighter)!

We're back from Albuquerque. While I'm happy to be in my own bed with our adorable kitties, I miss everyone like crazy. It's hard to believe we were even there. It was such a short trip.

Additionally, I lost even more weight over the past couple days. I returned home two pounds lighter than when I left. I'm at 313.4 now, my all-time low since starting this journey. (My previous all-time low was 314.6.) I'm eager to see if the scale holds tomorrow. I hope it isn't a fluke. Since I've been exercising more, I hope it's the end of that horrid plateau.

Weigh-In

Down a pound (on the nose!) - 314.2.

Since we've been on vacation, my jeans have been feeling looser, so I may be losing inches again. I think I had a major cortisol dump, too, since I'm off work and far away from Real Life back in Michigan. I want to stay out here forever. I cried really hard after we came back from dinner with friends last night. I imagine it will be even harder after the party tonight.

I'm not entirely convinced the scale is correct since it isn't MY scale, but it's a similar digital model, and the weight was close enough to my weight before we left that it may very well be dead-on. I'll know for sure when we get home and weigh myself Sunday morning. /crosses fingers

I refuse to feel down about the slow/stalled loss. I see my weigh-ins from a few months ago, when I was 330 - 340, and it cheers me. Also, I've had a TON of NSVs on this trip, which I'll write about when I get home. I have to hurry up, get dressed, and get going on the fruit salad for tonight. :) Yum, Thanksgiving.

Rant

Trying to lose weight with insulin resistance is like Sisyphus pushing his rock up that hill. I've been reducing my calories and exercising my butt off for two months without a single pound lost. I hate that I do everything everyone else does and only maintain while they put up 1-2 pound losses every week. This sucks, and I'm mad, and I don't even care that I sound whiny. I can't wait to see my doctor for a new/better battle plan in a couple weeks.

He warned me this would happen, that I could stall for six months or more, and that I might only lose one pound per month, but I'm still pissed.

I've lost 40-ish pounds successfully in the past, but that's the most I've ever lost. I've never lost 50, 60, 70 pounds. I hate to think my body likes to lose 40 pounds and then give up the ghost. I'm seriously freaking out right now, even though I know my doctor can probably clear this up with sage advice on December 5th. I can't wait to see him.

Since I have to reduce my carbs so much (and I've been having a hell of a time with that, despite my best intentions), my friend recommended the South Beach plan. I HATE gimmicks, but she said it's actually really easy to follow and not a "diet". The focus is simply on reducing carbs and getting your carbs from good sources instead of starchy/sugary sources. She's lost quite a bit of weight and has kept it off for two years. From her description of the meals and snacks, it sounds exactly like what I'm supposed to be doing. I figure it can't hurt to try it. I don't eat white flour and simple starches anymore, but I have to buckle down tighter than that.

I know I've "come so far" and that I feel better and my old clothes fit again and blah blah blah, but right now, it's really hard to focus on that while everyone on MFP is posting weight loss while I sit here at the same weight doing exactly what they're doing. I was supposed to be under 300 by Thanksgiving, and I haven't even budged a little bit since I made that goal. Now, I don't even know if I can hit my Christmas goal of 307.

I want to whine for hours about how incredibly unfair it is that I have a hormonal imbalance and metabolic syndrome, but I won't. I want to, but I won't. I simply have to wait and see what the doctor says. For all I know, we may just need to increase my Metformin or something simple like that.

In the meantime, I'll check out this South Beach thing, do it for a month, and see how it goes. It can't hurt to try; it's not like it'll make me gain weight.

I can't do the induction phase just yet, though. We leave for Albuquerque tomorrow morning, and while I don't plan to go hog wild during our vacation, it's also not the best time to try to eliminate all sugar and carbs from my diet. I will do my very best, but being on the train and going to restaurants and parties means I'm sort of at the whim of the universe. I'll just to have to find the lowest-carb options available, do my best, and then start induction when we get home.

Weigh-in

Whoa. This was taken in Albuquerque. Kismet!Image courtesy of Ampersand Seven

315.2. I'm down from last week, and all of the PMS water weight is officially gone, but I'm still up from my lowest of 314.8 on October 24. /scowl

I changed my calorie limit on MFP this week, so we'll see how that goes. I also really, really need to watch my carbs. My doctor warned me that, even with the medicine, eating too many could stall my weight loss since my body still wants to hang onto them as fat. So I changed my macros on MFP to make sure I stay under 125/day. I'm also walking more, and I've added weights into my routine.

Hopefully, that will get me over this plateau. I've been dancing between 315 and 318 for several weeks. I took my measurements last night, and the only thing that changed is my waist (down a half-inch), so it truly is a plateau.

The same thing happened back in June, and then the weight started coming off like crazy, so I hope it's the same way this time. I can put up with a plateau every three months or so as long as I know it will GO AWAY.

The good thing is, I haven't given up. I still feel great and plan to keep eating better and exercising for the rest of my life, so even if the weight isn't moving, at least I'm still moving.

-=-

Speaking of moving, there's a good chance we won't be moving to Albuquerque next year, but we're still playing the "wait and see" game. Currently, we're thinking one more year here will do us both a lot of good, even though we hate this town. There's a long list of reasons I won't get into, but it's strange having everything up in the air like that. I'm sooooo not used to sharing my life with someone. I was single, by choice, for so many years, and I did whatever I wanted whenever I wanted. Now I have to consider Brent (not saying that's a bad thing, just a fact), and we have to discuss it, weigh the pros and cons, etc. I'm definitely still adjusting. Even though we've been together for almost three years, we've only lived together since last June. When he was in Albuquerque, I was still on my own, in a sense.

-=-

And, speaking of Albuquerque, we leave on Sunday! I'm so excited. I'm ready for this vacation. Actually, I'm beyond ready. I'm already dreading going back to work. I wish we could stay out there for a couple weeks instead of just a few days, but I don't have enough vacation time, and Brent is swamped at work as usual.

I'll post some thoughts about the train trip later. Even though I'm stuck at 315 for now, I was 357 last year, so there are some NSVs I'm looking forward to. :)

Weigh-In + Mini-Goal Achieved!

Appropriate that the picture for this weigh-in would be New Mexico's Highway 314, since I just hit the next mini-goal.

I'm down to 314.8, a 2.4-pound loss from last Wednesday.

My mini-goal was to get down to 314, my weight when I flew to Albuquerque for the first time to meet Brent and get a tour of the area. I'd never been to New Mexico before, so I was pretty excited. I thought it was all desert with those big cacti with the arms, and he laughed (nicely) because it was 43 degrees when we had that conversation.

I flew there on February 19, 2010. I was really worried because I knew I was probably too heavy for the airplane seats. The last time I'd flown somewhere was May 2007, when I was closer to 275, and the seats were tight but not bad. Plus, it was a Canadian airline, and they don't make you pay for two seats if you're too big (under their discrimination laws, they have to find two seats together and can't charge you for the second one).

Anyway, it was a direct flight to/from Chicago, so I only had to worry about one seat partner each way. On the way there, this guy gave me such a glare when I showed up to claim my window seat. As I was struggling with the belt, he looked at his ticket and said, "Oh, I'm in the wrong seat," and moved up a row to sit next to a guy with horrible body odor. I was freshly showered, and the armrest went down (but only because I corseted my thighs with the seatbelt), but apparently he was happier sitting next to a skinny guy with body odor. Okay...

Rude dude aside, I was happy because now I had two seats to myself. :) I spent the flight sipping orange juice and reading a book. It was very relaxing. The pilot announced when we were flying over Santa Fe, and I turned and smiled at a lady sitting near me who'd been telling me about visiting her daughter there. She was wearing a bright red sweatshirt with a small "Santa Fe" logo embroidered underneath four little embroidered pieces of pottery and cowboy boots. The man next to her had a white cowboy hat with turquoise beading around the brim and a leather vest. It was stereotypical and charming.

Shortly after Santa Fe, we were flying over the Sandias and into Albuquerque.

That, my friends, is the infamous Rio Grande in the background.
It felt like it took forever to land, but we finally did, and I raced through the airport to find him.

Sort of. I did stop to take a couple pictures of this cool statue:

and the beautiful architecture:

It was really crowded, since it was 1:00 on a Friday afternoon, but I finally heard someone say, "Sarah!" I turned, and there he was. My first thought was, "He's shorter than I pictured," which still makes us laugh. Then I noticed he was wearing a long-sleeved black shirt with "Chicago" written on the front, his leather coat, his Cubs hat, and his black boots.

Before I could process everything, though, he was hugging me. It felt like I'd known him forever. It was like hugging a family member.

We went to his place to drop off my stuff, and then we walked to Frontier to get some brunch. This place is legendary. Movie stars stop here while in town because the food is just that good. They roast their own chilies**, they make gargantuan cinnamon rolls drenched in butter, and they have homemade lemonade.

**New Mexico is known for putting green or red chile on everything. They even have it at pizza places and Subway.

I ordered breakfast, and Brent got a burrito (the chile is inside the burrito). He ordered one of the infamous cinnamon rolls for us as well. It was as good as it looks.

We spent the weekend driving around and hanging out with friends. Unfortunately, I didn't get any pictures with anyone because I was really shy. I did get some pictures of the scenery and Brent, though.

Okay, so there are some cacti in Albuquerque, but again, not like the big ones you see on "Looney Toons".

Snow clouds. It was 40 degrees that day.

Albuquerque has "expansive blue skies", according to the tourist literature. I had no idea what that meant until my visit. The sky is so clear; you can see for miles and miles. Brent says the altitude prevents haze, like we get in Michigan, and the thinner, cleaner air allows you see much farther and makes the sky appear more blue. Additionally, it's clear 80% of the time. They get approximately 300 days of sun every year.

It still feels like yesterday, even though it was nearly three years ago. I think about all of the online conversations, trips to see each other, the waiting, the crying (me) when our time together was over, starting a new countdown on the calendar until the next trip (the longest wait was five months; the shortest was two months), the anticipation when he decided to move here, him actually moving in, the adjustment, and everything we've been through since then - the new job, making dinner at night, talking while watching TV in his office, emailing each other all day every day and texting while running errands, trips to visit family together, holidays, and vacations.

It's kind of crazy how far we've come, knowing how much I still have to learn about him and how many experiences and years we have ahead of us. That first visit to Albuquerque feels like a blip on the radar now, even though it was so huge at the time.

The first visit was pretty short. I scheduled it for Friday, February 19 through Monday, February 22. I didn't want it to be just a weekend, in case we got along really well, but I didn't want to make it a week in case we didn't get along at all. On Sunday night, I was really upset and wished I'd asked for an entire week off. Monday morning, as I was starting to pack, I got a text message from American Airlines letting me know my flight had been canceled and rebooked for Tuesday morning. Apparently, there had been a storm in Chicago. Instead of leaving Monday afternoon, I'd be leaving at 8:00 Tuesday morning.

Yay!

I called my boss right away and told him I wouldn't be in Tuesday morning, but I could be there by 5:00 to cover the late shift. He said it was a good compromise and that he was happy I would get to spend another 16 hours with Brent.

Brent and I were sitting on his loveseat at this point, and he was kissing me and saying, "I want to be with you forever." Then he got up and got something out of a box. He said, "I can't afford anything better right now, but you can have this." It was his class ring. I wore it until he moved here last summer.

(I just tried to take a picture of it on my finger, and it slides off now. Even though I'm the same weight, I guess I've lost some bloat from my fingers!)

We went to the Route 66 Diner for dinner, and I made a joke about wearing his class ring but not getting his letterman's sweater.

We had to get up at 0-dark-wtf to get me to the airport on time. Albuquerque is home to Kirtland Air Force base, so airport security takes a while. It was much colder that day, so Brent wore a black knit hat instead of his baseball hat. He had it low over his eyes, like Mushmouth. I thought he was trying to hide his emotions, but now I know he always does that when he's super tired. ;)

He gave me a kiss goodbye and stood there until I disappeared into the security line. I was really sad, but I was too sleepy and too worried about the flight (seats) to concentrate on that. Security did take a while, and by the time I got through, I only had to wait a half-hour for my flight to depart.

I ended up sitting next to a really thin, chatty guy. I apologized for being big, and he waved me off and said, "Honey, nobody is comfortable in these seats. They suck. Pro-tip. Fly Continental. They have a single row of seats along the left side. That's where I was booked before Chicago got snow-swamped." Heh. :)

We spent the entire flight with him talking about all of the different planes he's been on, including a Concorde, and me twirling Brent's ring and wishing I could just be home, in bed, relaxing with my kitties and waiting to see him again.

Instead, when we landed, I had to take the L to Jefferson Park, a bus to Stacy's neighborhood (where my car was parked), and then drive from Chicago to State Farm, where I worked from 5:00 to 7:00 as promised. That was the most surreal thing I've experienced in a long time. That morning, I was in New Mexico, hugging Brent, and now I was back at my desk like nothing had ever happened. It was such a blur, the plane ride, the L, the bus, and then traffic on I-94. It was like I'd dreamed it during my lunch break. I'll never forget that weird feeling.

Now I'm sitting in my recliner, with my kitties, waiting for Brent to come home from work instead of waiting for his train to arrive. I'm making chicken and pasta for dinner, one of his favorites, and the scale is going to keep moving down instead of moving up like it did when we started dating. Instead of gaining 43 pounds, I'll lose another 43 pounds, and then another, and then another, and so on.

I'm so glad he's been by my side through all of this.

Happy Friday!

Razzlefrazzlesnarkle. I've been hovering around 317 - 318 for a few weeks now. I got down to 316.4 today, which is the lowest I've seen in a few weeks. 315 was my all-time low a couple weeks ago, and I'm starting to think that was due to a HUGE water weight loss when I was on steroids for my URI. They gave me crazy hot flashes, and I'm pretty sure I sweat a couple pounds off that weekend. I was too hot in a tank top; meanwhile, Brent was practically hugging the radiator. We looked like a couple of senior citizens. ;)

Anyway, maintaining is fine, so whatever, but I want to hit my next mini-goal! It's so close! Since I've been here for a few weeks or so, I'm officially calling it a plateau. (Technically, a plateau is six weeks, but I don't want to wait that long to go, "Oh hey. Maybe I should switch things up a bit.")

So, since my body has become comfortable, it's time to shock it again. I'm still eating 1800 calories/day, but since I've lost 40 pounds, I really should lower that to 1650 - 1700. I also need to change up my exercise routine. I think my muscles have become complacent with walking, so I need to toss some weights into the mix and/or walk during lunch and do some weight routines when I get home.

I have a new upper body workout from The Firm I've been dying to try. I know you can't spot reduce, but I'd love to firm up my arms and chest so that when the weight does come off, I don't have bingo wings anymore. Plus, I love the look of a well-defined shoulder cap, especially on pear-shaped girls like me. It makes us look more hourglass-y and less bowling-pin-y.

I re-organized my bedroom the other night, and now I have plenty of room to work out. I just need to move our spare TV from the back storage area to the top of my dresser and then put the DVD player in there. :)

I did take measurements last night, and I've lost a little bit off my arms and an inch off my waist and thigh, so I'm not freaking out about the scale not moving. My weight will catch up with my measurements soon enough. My jeans are definitely getting more comfortable. They aren't so loose that I need to go down a size yet, but they aren't tight anymore either.

-=-

I promise I'll upload pictures and write about our Chicago trip soon. I keep meaning to do that after work, but then I get home and it's nice and dark and rainy and I just want to put on pajamas and be lazy. Since I've been taking progesterone supplements, I noticed my mood has improved considerably (yay), but I have cravings for foods I normally don't eat (like sugar - boo), and I've been sleepy-tired by 11:00 (yay, but I don't get to bed until 2:00 because I'm dumb, so boo-ish). I've been sleeping 1000000% better once I do fall asleep, so that's a huge "yay".

Anyway, I need to do that soon because we leave for Albuquerque in just a few weeks, and I should probably get one trip journal done so I have the energy to write the next one. The Albuquerque trip journal is going to be LONG. ;) We're going to be there for close to a week, we're doing "Christmas" while there, and we're taking the train. Last year, I took over 200 pictures, so brace yourselves. ;)

-=-

On that note, we've been in serious discussion about moving there. Brent is homesick; we have lots of friends (and Brent's family) there; the job market is good; it's a thriving metropolis with a population of close to one million people; there are always lots of shows, dancing at night clubs, and concerts; it has wonderful culture and history; and the restaurants are fabulous.

I'm not jazzed about leaving the Great Lakes since I grew up here and LOVE water, but Albuquerque has mountains, hiking trails, and hot springs. Plus, I could sled and ski during the winter. (Okay, I can learn to ski.) They DO have the Rio Grande, so at least it's something, but it doesn't have waves or storms like the Great Lakes. At least Albuquerque has four seasons, though. A lot of people think it's in the desert and hot year-round, but it's actually in the "high desert" area of northern New Mexico. They have a longer spring and fall, summer is hot but DRY (definitely more tolerable - I barely notice the heat), and the winters are cold with occasional snow in the city and lots of snow in the mountains. It's a bit too sunny for my tastes, and they don't get enough thunderstorms, but they do have changing weather patterns and I can always work second shift if I want to hide from the sun. ;)

The pros definitely outweigh the cons, and I'm Very Excited about this idea, so we're going to see where everything sits next spring and go from there. If Brent gets a considerable raise, we'll probably stay for the time being, but if not, he's thinking about asking them if he can work remotely. That would prevent him from having to find a new job and would give us sooooo much flexibility. Even if they say no, though, there are lots of computer jobs in Albuquerque.

Our lease isn't up until the end of June, but we have to give our landlords 90 days notice since they need to prepare for their summer renting season (we live in a college town). So, we really have until the end of March to figure this all out. Brent keeps saying it's a "long way off", but then I point to how quickly the calendar moves and stress that we need to re-visit this conversation shortly after New Year's Day since a cross-country move isn't exactly an easy feat.

So we'll see. :)