Weigh-In

Image courtesy of Ampersand Seven
Today's weigh-in: 325.2

I will definitely take that 0.8-pound loss, considering I gained three pounds of sodium/water weight over the weekend. I kind of freaked out a little, even though I knew damn well I'd had too much restaurant food and alcohol. It was worth it, though. What's life without some weekend fun? This is a lifestyle change, not a diet, and that means I get to have fun with friends every so often, even if it means gaining three pounds.

Since I knew it was just water weight, I made sure to flush my system with lots of water, green tea, and healthy food over the past couple days. I was hoping to simply break even, so seeing a loss was pretty cool.

I'm still on-track to make my goal of hitting 299.9 (or less) by Thanksgiving. It's twelve weeks away, so that means I have to lose 2.1083 pounds every week between now and then. It's totally do-able if I keep drinking tons of water and increase my exercise a bit. I won't be super upset if I don't hit it, but MAN that would be exciting.

We're going to Albuquerque for Thanksgiving, so even if I can just get under 314, that'll be the lightest anyone there has seen me, including Brent. I'd be perfectly happy with 310 or 305, but being under 300 would make me ecstatic.

I'm also interested to see how different the train feels. As I said, the last time we took the train to Albuquerque, I weighed 356 pounds. The stairway between the upper and lower level of the train is a spiral, and my hips were rubbing the walls on both sides. It wasn't tight, but I could feel them touching both walls. Also, the restrooms are very tiny, and I just barely fit on the seat (my hips were squished between the walls around the toilet). Furthermore, the dining car booths were a very tight squeeze. My stomach was pushed in quite a bit, and I almost pulled the tablecloth and place settings off the table when I tried to get out.

So, for this trip, I'm excited to see if there's any change. I'm hoping that my hips won't touch the staircase walls, the restroom will be more comfortable, and the dining car booths won't be quite so tight.

Right now, my measurements are almost identical to my measurements from September 2010, one month after I took the train to Albuquerque for the first time. I took my measurements on a whim because I was going to try to lose enough weight to fly to Albuquerque for Thanksgiving. Yeah, it totally didn't happen, and that meant I had to wait until January to see Brent since I couldn't afford two seats. I actually gained weight that fall thanks to stress over not seeing him for six months, mourning my cats (one had to be put to sleep, the other got out a window), and training for my current work position. I spent night after night eating my emotions while watching TV shows on Netflix and Hulu.

August 22, 2010 - Raton, NM - 325 pounds
Anyway, on that trip, I don't remember brushing the staircase walls, the restroom wasn't quite so bad, and the dining car was still tight but not nightmarish. So we'll see. :) My weight comes off my hips last, so this will be a true challenge.

Wii Fit

You guys! It finally accepted me!

Remember when I wrote earlier today that I hit my "325" mini-goal and that I'd try the Wii Fit again, but it would probably reject me like it has every day since I got under 330?

Nope!

I passed the weight test, and it actually reported my weight as 325.5, even though I was 325.4 by my scale this morning (before eating tacos for lunch and two of those delicious Fiber One bars as snacks). I was pretty amazed that it didn't weigh me higher. I thought I'd made it by the skin of my teeth at 329.6 or something, but it was almost five full pounds under the weight limit.

Anyway, yay!!! Now I can play fitness games. :-D

Onto the next mini-goal!

Mini-Goal Achieved & Two NSVs

I reached my second mini-goal today. I weighed in at 325.4. The weight limit for the Wii Fit is 330, but since I weigh more at the end of the day, I wanted to wait until I was 325 before trying it again. I tried it when I hit 327 last week, and it laughed at me. We'll see how it goes tonight. :)

I'm not going to be too upset if it doesn't let me play. For one, I'm always 2-3 pounds heavier after work, and my clothes weigh 2-3 pounds. The main thing is that I'm officially under the weight limit and at my second mini-goal, so I'm happy. If I can't use it tonight, it's only a matter of a couple weeks until I can.

My next mini-goal is to reach 314, my weight when I flew to Albuquerque to meet Brent for the first time.

-=-

I had two NSVs today.

1) I pulled on my burgundy t-shirt, which I haven't worn in a couple months, and I didn't have to stretch it out. It went right over my hips and butt without being tight. It fits like a normal t-shirt now.

2) After I had my t-shirt on and started leaving for work, I noticed something felt really weird, like I forgot to get dressed or something. I was dressed, obviously, but something just felt "off". Then I realized what it was: my arms don't rub against my chest anymore!

What I was feeling was the space between my arms and my ribcage when my arms are at my side. I've lost about 3.5 inches off my chest and an inch off my upper arms, but I didn't really feel the difference until this morning. I'd forgotten what it's like to have a curve along my ribcage instead of having my arms resting against my bra strap. That's why I felt like I wasn't wearing a top or bra! Ha!

Speaking of bra, not only is it on its tightest hooks, the cups have gotten big to the point of hilarity. Grrrr. I'm okay with the strap getting loose, but not the cups. ;) I'm going to have to suck it up and go plunk down some money for bras this weekend. I'm happy about going down a band size, but I'm not happy about spending money on new bras. Why the frick do they always have to be so expensive?

Weigh-in and Blood Work Results

I am completely overwhelmed with emotion right now, so bear with me.

First of all, my weigh-in was 326.0. I'm down exactly 30 pounds from where I started. Yay!

-=-

My doctor reviewed my blood work with me today. As he suspected, I have insulin resistance. It is a genetic disorder and cannot be cured. (It can be treated, though, which I'll get to in a minute.)

Basically, when you eat, your pancreas goes, "Oh, hey. Glucose. I'll send out some insulin to bond with it." Then the glucose gets turned into energy, and your pancreas waits for the next meal.

When you have insulin resistance, your pancreas goes, "Oh, hey. Glucose. I'll send out some insulin to bond with it." The glucose, however, goes, "Um, no. I don't think so. Go hit on someone else." So the insulin hangs out, not knowing what to do. Meanwhile, your pancreas is all, "WTF? Why is the glucose still around?" and sends out MORE insulin. This cycle continues until the glucose finally says, "Oooohhhh... pretty liver. I'll go hang out there." The glucose goes into the liver and turns into fat instead of getting used up as energy.

This is why, for my entire life, no matter how healthy I've eaten, my weight has gone up and up and up, sometimes at an alarming rate.

So all of that insulin that didn't get used? It just keeps hanging out and ends up causing constant hunger. This explains why I'd be starving an hour after eating a huge meal and felt a need to snack all the time. That was clue #1 that something was Very Wrong with my body.

Anyway, when I had my blood tests two weeks ago, I was supposed to fast for 12 hours. I ended up fasting for about 16 by the time they did the tests. Despite having no food in my body for 16 hours, my insulin was higher than the normal range for post-meal readings. Once I did eat, I went back two hours later, and it was 63, nearly three times the high end of normal.

My doctor put me on glucophage (a.k.a. Metformin) to control my insulin and make it do what it's supposed to do. I've been watching my carbs - not low-carb like Atkins, just smart amounts - and it's obviously helping quite a bit. I try to keep my carbs under 100 per day, and when I do eat carbs, I aim for whole grains and try to stay away from starches. (I do love me some potatoes, though.) I've never cared for sweets, so staying away from sugar hasn't been an issue at all.

He's had me on phentermine for the past four weeks to try to get everything under control while we waited for the blood work. I've lost 15 pounds in the past few weeks, even though my calories/exercise didn't change. Before that, it took me nine months to lose the first 15 pounds, and that involved lots of yo-yo-ing and plateaus. Now that we know what's up, he can take me off the phentermine and switch me over to glucophage. The phentermine was just a temporary fix until we could figure out what the real fix needed to be, sort of like that brace the EMTs use to stabilize a broken arm until the hospital can put the real cast on.

The reason I'm so emotional right now is because I mentioned all of these symptoms to my doctor when I was 19. He diagnosed me with PCOS, put me on birth control, and sent me on my way. He didn't explain it. He didn't do blood work. He just told me to take the Pill and go on a diet. Obviously, that didn't work. My doctor was pretty upset. He said putting me on the Pill was the worst thing that doctor could have done and that not doing bloodwork was completely irresponsible.

I just sat there crying because the past 16 years could have been avoided: all of the shame, the lectures, the judgmental looks from strangers, not being able to take a vacation because I can't afford two seats on a plane, not being able to go to Cedar Point with my friends every summer, not being able to go to sporting events and concerts because the seats are too small, watching my friends get hit on while those same guys ignored me, not being able to go on a zip-line and other adventurous things.

I spent all of my twenties and half of my thirties being miserable, even suicidal at points, because nobody took me seriously or thought to run a blood test until four weeks ago. My doctor looked at me, held my hands, and said, "It's not your fault. You KNOW what you're doing and how to eat. It's your BODY that doesn't know what to do. This isn't your fault." Every other doctor shamed me and made me feel like crap about my weight. This doctor has faith in me and saw past the weight and into the person inside. Instead of seeing me as the symptom, he saw my weight as the symptom.

Part of me is relieved, and part of me is mourning all of those wasted days spent watching life pass me by because I was too fat to participate. So, I sit here and cry tears of grief for my past and tears of happiness and hope for the future.

iPhone

I am very excited.

As a reward for my weight loss and overall awesome-ness, Brent bought me my very first iPhone. I've had this dinosaur phone that takes crappy pictures and doesn't have a touchscreen, apps, or any other cool stuff (I can't even browse the web) for years. iPhones were always out of reach, and when my Sprint contract was up for renewal two years ago, I still couldn't afford one, even at the discounted price.

This year, however, I got a $150 discount for renewing, and they had a $350 online markdown on the iPhone 4S (16GB). 16GB is more than I'll ever need, so I was super happy. The grand total was only $149! I'm so freaking impatient to get this thing. UPS has it on the truck right now. I already have a huge list of apps to download. ;)

I'm all about instant everything, so it will be nice to be able to take a picture from the train on the way to Albuquerque, upload it to Facebook, and say, "Good morning from Colorado!" or, "Having dinner in Missouri - look at this gorgeous steak!" It will also come in handy whenever I see something that absolutely must be shared with my best friends, like the kid with a mullet driving a John Deere tractor toy the other day.

Brent also has a dinosaur flip-phone, so he decided to buy himself a smartphone while he was getting mine. He can't stand Apple, so he got a Samsung Galaxy (whatever the new model is).

-=-

I have my follow-up doctor appointment on Wednesday. He hasn't seen me in four weeks, so I'm excited for him to see how much weight I've lost. I was 342.4 pounds at the last visit, and I weighed in at 327.4 this morning. That's fifteen pounds on the nose!

We're going to review my blood work as well, and I'm a mix of excited and anxious to see the results. I know that no matter what the news about my cholesterol and all that jazz, everything can be treated with diet, exercise, and medication. I'm really hoping to avoid diabetes, though. I had an A1C done a little over a year ago, and it was perfectly normal, but things may have changed over the past year. I suppose we'll see in a couple of days.

Weigh-in

Image courtesy of Ampersand Seven
Today's weigh-in is 328.4, a 2.2-pound loss for the week.

Woot.

Major NSV

I have some black ankle boots I haven't been able to put on (as in, my foot wouldn't even go into them) in about a year and a half, possibly longer. I've always been super bummed about it because I LOVE these boots. They look sort of Victorian, with the buttons and everything. I kept them because I didn't want to give them up and hoped I'd be able to wear them again someday.

Tonight, I not only put them on - they zipped up!

I walked around for a while, and they were totally comfortable. I wasn't squeezed into them or anything. I was completely shocked I got them on at all, let alone felt comfortable in them. :)

Next, I decided to test my black lace-up boots. They're sort of like Doc Martens but a little taller. The last time I wore these was last fall, when I worked at a haunted house. My feet were crammed into them, so much so that the top of my left foot pretty much killed even when I stood still. I could barely lace them up, and when they were laced up, you could see my calf on either side of the tongue because the boot was spread so wide. Looking back on it, it was comical, but I was really upset at the time.

They have a zipper on the side for easy-off, so they were still laced when I grabbed them tonight. I figured I'd see if I could get them on and zip them up without undoing the laces.

Ha! They went on and zipped up without any issues, and they were super loose on me. They practically fell off my foot when I tried to walk. I was going to lace them up so they fit, but then I decided I'd wait until tomorrow so I could get a picture of how big they are now.

I was positive I'd lost weight off my feet, ankles, and lower calves, but it wasn't confirmed until I put those boots on tonight. Yay! Just in time for fall. ;)

A New Decade

Today isn't my official weigh-in, but I was so excited I couldn't wait to post.

I'm finally in the 320s!

I danced between the high 330s and low 340s for so long that even when I hit my first mini-goal last Wednesday (331), it still didn't feel very exciting to me.

Seeing that 329.4 on the scale, though, really made it hit home for me. I felt a huge rush when I saw that number come up. I had to weigh myself three times just to make sure. ;)

I feel like I have more drive and optimism now. It doesn't feel like such a chore anymore because I feel so much healthier. Watching that number come up validated everything I've been feeling for the past few weeks.

Getting into a new decade makes me realize the next one isn't that far away, and every decade achieved means I'm getting smaller and smaller. Talk about a psychological boost. :) I still don't think I'll be under 300 by Thanksgiving (that's Brent's prediction), but I'm going to do everything in my power to try.

101/1001

I've created a new 101/1001 list. I'm going to create a new tab for it, but I wanted to post it here first just in case any of you are looking for ideas.

The title of the list pretty much explains the purpose. You list 101 items you want to complete in the next 1001 days. My deadline is May 10, 2015.

Health:

-Weigh less than 300 pounds
-Weigh less than 250 pounds
-Weigh less than 200 pounds
-Reach my goal weight (156)
-Achieve a healthy BMI (154)
-Fit into the seats at Wrigley Field (comfortably)
-Exercise four times per week for at least six months (0/6)
-Try Zumba
-Run a 5K race
-Sign up for a water aerobics class
-Get braces
-Buy a bike and complete the Kal-Haven Trail
-Unplug for one whole weekend - no cell phone, no internet, no TV, no computer
-Do Jillian Michael's "30-Day Shred"
-Either get a better position or quit my job
-Stop picking at my cuticles
-Go an entire month without fast food (1/31 days)

Chicago:

-Ride every line of the Chicago 'L' from end-to-end (red, orange, yellow, green, blue,
purple, pink, brown)
-Ride the Ferris Wheel on Navy Pier
-Stand on The Ledge at the Sears Tower
-Go on a river boat tour
-Participate in "Trainer for a Day" at Shedd Aquarium
-See a Bears game
-See another play at the Chicago Shakespeare Theatre

Travel & Leisure:

-Go hot-tubbing at Oasis
-Visit a batting cage
-Take Brent to Canada for the first time and try poutine
-Ride the Sandia Peak Tramway
-Go on a road trip (family and Chicago do not count)
-Go on a cruise
-Go to Las Vegas
-Visit five new states (0/5)
-Visit Copper Harbor
-See five attractions featured on RoadsideAmerica.com (0/5)
-Visit a foreign country (not Canada)
-Visit Brent's family in FL
-Swim with dolphins in FL
-Go to Michigan's Adventure
-Take the Empire Builder to Seattle or Portland
-Take the California Zephyr to visit Mikey and Liz in San Francisco
-Spend a night in a luxurious hotel
-Spend a weekend at a B&B
-Visit NYC
-Order a lobster tail at Carlo's Bakery
-Visit New England and see Ben & Jerry's, Stephen King's areas of Maine, and Salem
-Go to Cedar Point
-See Niagara Falls again and ride the Maid of the Mist
-Take a picture near a Hollywood star
-Fly in business/first class
-Purchase a spontaneous airline ticket for a weekend trip
-Get a passport
-Go to six new museums (0/6)

Projects & Creative Stuff:

-Take a picture every time I lose 10 pounds (2/20)
-Send a secret to PostSecret
-Write a letter to myself to open in 10 years
-Watch 26 movies I've never seen starting with each letter of the alphabet (1/26)
-Complete a 365 day photo challenge (0/365)
-Release five books "into the wild" (0/5)
-Write a trip report for every Amtrak trip I've taken
-Prepare 25 recipes from Pinterest (0/25)
-Prepare a living will
-Host a New Year's Eve party
-Watch "Lost" and see what all the fuss was about
-Complete ten jigsaw puzzles (0/10)
-Watch 50 of IMDB’s Top 250 movies that I haven't seen before (0/50)
-Buy a queen-size bed for the guest room
-Buy headboards for both beds
-Research my bio-mom's family tree
-Make a steampunk outfit
-Make three SCA outfits and start going to events again (0/3)
-Send postcards from every trip that doesn't take place in Chicago or Michigan
-Go to 10 new restaurants (0/10)
-Watch AFI's Top 100 movies (29/100)
-Re-read the Harry Potter books
-Have a Harry Potter movie marathon party
-Write down something I'm grateful for every day for 100 days (0/100)
-Take 100 pictures with Brent (0/100)
-Read 75 new books (0/75)
-Buy a goth outfit
-Send Christmas cards with our picture every year (2012, 2013, 2014)
-Organize the photos and music on my laptop
-Redecorate one room to perfection
-Document everything we own (pics/video/list), scan important documents, put it all
on a flash drive, and give it to a friend or family member in case of fire
-Document "a day in my life" with photos
-Blog about each goal as I complete it
-Host a Ladies Night once per season (0/12)
-Walk through a corn maze

Financial:

-Pay off all of my non-student loan debt ($0/9500)
-Establish a $1000 emergency fund
-Achieve a credit score of 650+

Personal Enrichment:

-Finish my Bachelors degree
-Get my first aid/CPR certificate renewed
-Memorize the state capitals (again)

Pampering:

-Have my hair straightened (permanently)
-Get a manicure/pedicure for the first time
-Buy a good camera
-Buy at least one new piece of clothing every month (0/33)
-Buy an iPhone

Giving to Others:

-Donate anything that is too big or hasn't been worn in a year
-Leave a 100% tip four times per year (0/12)
-Donate one gallon of blood (0/8 pints)

First Mini-Goal Achieved!

Yay!

This morning's weigh-in: 330.6 pounds.

My first mini-goal was 331 (25 pounds lost).

I'm so excited! I feel like it took forever to get here. Stupid plateau.

Luckily, the remaining mini-goals are a bit closer together. ;) I like being able to push for an "achievement". That's why I'm so excited to use the Wii (hopefully in a couple weeks), and I love video games that give you achievements every time you do something awesome.

Now I'm off to get my blood work done. Here's hoping my cholesterol, triglycerides, glucose, and so on are all normal. I'm having lunch with Beth afterward since I had to fast for 12 hours before my tests. After we eat, I have to wait two hours and then go back to have my glucose checked again. Easy peasy.

Anyway, fingers crossed for good numbers!

NSV

I was in the shower last night, and as I was shaving my legs, I noticed the bottom of my calves and the area around my ankle looked weird. I turned my leg a few different ways, trying to figure out if it was a shadow or weird lighting. My leg just looked so strange.

Then I realized what was wrong: no more cankles! All of the fat from the base of my calf near my ankles is gone. I can see my ankle bones again, and the area near my foot looks "normal". I can't remember the last time I didn't have cankles. I've been avoiding some of my skirts for a couple of years because I didn't want anything that showed my lower leg and foot.

It's really funny because the rest of me is still so fat, but I don't have "fat girl ankles" anymore. That's why I did a double-take. Those aren't my ankles! They look like my ankles when I was a size 14. It amused me so much I had to show Brent, who just looked sort of confused since I don't think he ever noticed if my ankles were fat or not.

Anyway, I keep looking at them, even though I'm wearing jeans today. My co-workers probably think I'm nuts because I keep lifting my pant leg up a tiny bit to sneak a peek. :)

Unfortunately, my feet are still kind of wide (some of my wide shoes still don't fit), but I'm hoping that will change as I lose weight. I'm still concerned I did permanent damage because I was heavy for so long (as in, I destroyed the tendons and bones and my feet are permanently wide and slightly-flat), but only time will tell. I've always worn a wide, but I didn't start wearing a WW until I was over 300 pounds. Hopefully, I'll be back in an 8W once I get under 300 pounds.

What Am I Missing?

Friends,

I have tried to follow some of you, but when I go to your blog, I can't find the "follow" button like I see on my page and other pages I've followed.

I always check to make sure it's through Blogger (those who aren't just get bookmarked).

Is this a preference or option that can be disabled? Am I simply not looking in the right place? Does Google put a limit on the number of blogs I can follow?

Help me.

Sleep!

It is amazing what a good night's sleep can do for one's mood.

I've suffered from insomnia all week, and it was making me more depressed/crabby than normal. It also made it hard to think rationally.

Last night, Brent and I talked a lot about what I want, career-wise. I was having such a hard time focusing that it just made me more and more upset instead of helping me figure things out.

I really want to go back to school, but I can't make any kind of plan until I find out if I got that new position or not. Brent knows how hard it is when I can't plan ahead, when the next step is unknown because I'm waiting for someone else to make a decision. (You should have seen how crazy I was when he spent a year trying to decide if/when to move here.) Anyway, I described Plan A and Plan B and all of my concerns with both. He didn't have much to add, other than, "We'll just have to wait and see what happens with the new position."

I'm sure that's why I feel so stuck right now. Sleeping helped, though, and my mind feels more clear today. It also helps that I don't have to work. (I cannot even begin to describe how depressed and anxious that job makes me.) I'm already dreading going in tomorrow, but I'm going to try to enjoy the day and push those thoughts aside.

-=-

I lost another .6 pounds between yesterday and today, putting me at 333.4. I've been steadily decreasing every day for the past week and a half instead of the scale going up and down. It's been .6 - .8 pounds lost every day. At that rate, I'm losing about four pounds per week. I hope it keeps up. :)

I know four pounds per week is abnormal, but I'll take it. The longer it lasts, the better. ;) Even if it slows in a few weeks, at least I'll have a head start on my goal to be near 300 by Thanksgiving. It was kind of fun to think that if I keep losing four pounds per week, I'll actually be around 270 at Thanksgiving. I'm not counting on it, though. That's a completely silly pipe dream, but it was fun to dream for a bit. I remember 270, and I remember how much more comfortable and happy I was.

Thanksgiving 2008 - 270 pounds
(That's my sister-in-law, by the way. She was three months pregnant and just starting to show.)

-=-

I haven't written anything of substance in a long time, so I think I'm going to spend the day writing about my Amtrak trips the past couple of years. I have lots and lots of pictures, and I remember how helpful and informative it was to read others' travel blogs when I was doing research for my first long-distance trip on Amtrak. Brent and I don't have any plans today, so I may as well get comfy in my chair. :)

Emotional Roller Coaster

Relax. ;) I'm not going to write an emo post. I've just been having a lot of varying thoughts lately. This could get a little rambly.

First, I get really excited when I see the scale go down. Then I try on my new pants and realize they don't fit yet. Then I look in the mirror to see if I can spot any subtle changes. 22 pounds should show something, yes?

Then I realize, at my size, it's going to take more than a few pounds to feel/see a difference. Even if I measure the usual areas, I could be losing it from random areas that don't get measured (face, shoulders, around my knee, etc). Weight loss is an all-over thing, so I won't necessarily see it in 1-2 areas. It's like ice cream melting. So okay, that's cool.

Then I get really proud of what I'm doing and super excited that, someday, I won't feel/look like such a blob. I think about how much I'll have lost by Christmas, or next spring, or next summer.

Then, I get sad that, even though I've lost over twenty pounds, I'm still FREAKING HUGE.

So you see what I mean about being a roller coaster. ;) I want to stand up and say, "Yay! I've lost 22 pounds! Boo-ya!" But then I think, "I'm 334 pounds. That's not exactly something to celebrate." Sure, it isn't 356, but oh my god... so far to go. I'm 10% to my goal, which is great, but it's also intimidating.

That's why I have the mini-goals. I'm three pounds away from my first one. So close! Push push push! Then again, my brain tries to trip me up and say, "Yeah, but you'll still be over 300 pounds, fatty."

Ugh! So frustrating! I need to find a way to turn that voice off. I'm not going to give up, give in, quit, or say this isn't worth it. Not at all. So I'm not worried about the voice taking over. I just need it to STFU and leave me alone.

-=-

This brings me to a discussion I had with Brent last night. We were talking about our trip to Albuquerque for Thanksgiving, and I realized that if I keep this up, I could be down to about 306 when we leave for our trip... maybe even 300 if I'm really, really disciplined.

The first time I flew to Albuquerque to meet Brent, I weighed 314 pounds. I had just had a doctor appointment, and I was freaking out because I had no idea I was over 300 pounds. I hadn't weighed myself in about a year. I almost canceled my trip because I was scared I wouldn't fit in the airplane seat; also, I was afraid Brent would think I was super-fat (which was dumb since he'd already seen my pictures).

Anyway, we were talking about that, and I said, "Whoa. If I'm 306, or even just under 314, that will be the thinnest you've ever seen me. And once I can get to 299... wow, you've never known me at sub-300 pounds. Holy crap." He nodded and smiled in that encouraging way he has and then said, "See? You're pretty close. Just keep doing what you're doing and stop worrying. You can do it."

It would be awesome if I could be under 314 the next time we go to Albuquerque. When we were there for Christmas last year, I weighed 356 pounds. I'm not sure if anyone would notice a 42-ish pound difference, but I would definitely notice and feel a lot better.

Even though I felt fat when I was 300-314, I never felt disgusting like I do now. It's almost like there was this threshold around 320 where my arms started to get so puffy I couldn't rest them at my sides, my belly started to stick out, and my feet got too fat for wide shoes. I'd like to get back to 300-ish because, while I was quite fat, it was more of a "normal fat", if that makes sense. I wasn't afraid of chairs because it was very rare I couldn't fit in one. Even the airplane seats, while tight, weren't impossible. Shirt sleeves weren't tight. And so on.

So yes, right now, I feel like I'm in this weird purgatory. I'm not as heavy as I was (yay!), but I'm still 20 pounds from where I was at least relatively comfortable (boo). Sometimes I get really scared I won't reach that. The last plateau was only eight weeks, but it was eight weeks of pure hell on my nerves. Now that the weight is dropping again, I'm so scared it's going to come to a stop before I can at least get back to 300 or 314.

New Name & URL

I've updated my URL, blog name, and blog style. It was time for a change. This is much more fitting.

I didn't like "2012: A Weight Odyssey" because this journey is going to take longer than a year. It's a lifestyle change, and this blog has become a place to talk about life as well as weight loss. Weight loss isn't my life; it's part of my life.

Weigh-in

335.4, to be exact.

I am SO CLOSE to my first mini-goal!

Four more pounds (okay, 4.4), and I'll be at 331, which is 25 pounds lost. Hopefully, I can hit that in the next couple of weeks. I'd really like to get under 330 so I can use my Wii as soon as possible. ;)

Post-Interview

I think my interview went well. It's hard to tell (I'm my own worst critic), and I won't hear for a few days or more.

My current boss sat on two of my interview panels in the past. The first was when I applied for my current position (and didn't get it). Then, she was on the panel the second time I applied for it (and got it). Both times, she approached me afterward to compliment me and say I rock at interviewing. I think it's funny she's my boss now. We were both happy when we saw we'd be working together. :)

Anyway, she wasn't at her desk before my interview, so I approached her afterward and told her all about it. I told her what I said in response to the, "Tell us a little bit about yourself," question that everyone dreads, and she said it was the best response she'd ever heard! She asked how I came up with it, and I told her I'd been researching tips before my interview. She even asked for the links so she could help coach others. I was pretty happy after hearing how excited she was. Even if I botched this interview, at least I know I have a strong opening for the next one.

I'm mostly worried because I wasn't feeling well, so I'm not sure if my energy and personality came through. Additionally, I was really warm, and my mouth was super dry, so I was concerned about my appearance (Do I look flushed and sweaty? Is my hair frizzy?) and the dryness in my mouth affected my speech and tone. I was more soft-spoken than usual, which is probably fine since I can be kind of loud. ;) Still. That really bothered me. Even my boss asked, "Did you bring your passion and energy," and I was all, "Yeah... not so much. I was dying to drink a gallon of water and put on a tank top."

-=-

In other news, my weight is dropping pretty steadily again. Freaking finally. When I went to the doctor last Wednesday, I weighed 342.4. Today, I weighed in at 336.4. Holy crap. Six pounds in a week? Brent said it was probably just a matter of time, breaking the plateau with a whoosh, etc. We'll see if I can keep that for my official weigh-in on Friday. I've been really bad about posting Friday weigh-ins the past few weeks or so, but it's because my weight wasn't changing. I was dancing between 340 and 342 for a loooooooong time.

I'm not entirely sure if this was a water weight drop or not, so I'm really interested to see what my weight is next week. I have been super good about my calories, the type of food I eat, and drinking water, so maybe I really have pushed my body back into gear again. I was so lazy during June and July because of the heat. Now it's time to get serious again. If the scale is correct, then I'll be able to use my Wii Fit (in the air conditioning!) in just a few weeks. :)