Random Update & Moving Decision

I am so far behind on updating this thing that I keep putting it off. Sorry!

My weight hasn't budged in several weeks, so I bought a Fitbit to help out. I love this thing! It motivates me to move more, and I find myself going up and down our stairs while waiting for the microwave, parking farther away, etc. Psychology = awesome. ;)

It syncs with MyFitnessPal so I know how much I can eat. It turns out I was eating WAY too much, which would account for why I haven't seen any scale movement since April. I was eating pretty close to maintenance. Whoops!

I've been eating a lot better lately, but school has reached the "crunch time" point, so I haven't been able to exercise much over the past two weeks. I know - excuses, excuses - but I've been averaging four hours of sleep per night with just work, school, and homework, so I really did not want to give up another hour of sleep for working out. I adjusted my diet instead, and that seems to be doing okay (I lost another couple pounds last week, but I'm still not back to my all-time low).

Once this semester is over (end of this week), I can start swimming again. I've been trying to walk more - because I love it, it adds steps to my Fitbit, and I can beat my friends - but my body is used to walking. I'm sure it still benefits me health-wise, but as for weight loss, it's not enough of a challenge. I need a hilly course, something like that. I started swimming because it's a huge challenge and works my entire body, but again - I simply haven't had time. Swimming takes a lot longer than walking because I have to go to the pool, change, swim, then shower, dry off, change, and come home. Instead of 45-60 minutes, it's more like 90-120 minutes.

-=-

I suppose the biggest news is that we've finally, FINALLY made a decision on where to move next year.

It turned out we knew it in our hearts all along. I was excited about moving to California, but I was also very scared. There were so many logistics. Plus, the SF Bay area is so spread out, and I really wasn't looking forward to driving an hour any time I wanted to do anything. Yes, they have public transit, but it's not nearly as extensive as Chicago. Plus, we can afford to live in the city of Chicago, whereas we would have had to live an hour away from the city of San Francisco.

I hadn't said anything to Brent because he seemed so geeked about getting a job in Silicon Valley. It really would be super easy. As I said, he got three job offers just by touring some places there. I'm sure I would have been happy, and I really was excited for a lot of reasons, but I knew I'd miss Chicago.

It turns out he felt the same way, but he didn't say anything because he thought I was super excited about moving there, and he didn't want to burst that bubble. I felt bad. I'm glad he said something because if we'd moved there and I'd found out about that once we were there, I would have been really sad. I'm so, so happy he spoke up, because as soon as he did, my gut said, "YES," along with my heart. I never ignore my intuition. I know this really is the right decision. :)

I wrote some pros and cons about both areas a little over a year ago, and now that I've been to SF and know the answers to a lot of my questions, Chicago is the clear winner. The job market is better than I thought it was, and we'll be able to afford an apartment in the neighborhoods we like instead of compromising like we'd have to in the Bay area. Also, Chicago is a walking city, which means more weight loss and easy maintenance.

I'm ready to move NOW. I can't believe I have to wait until next summer. Bah! At least that gives us time to keep checking out the job market and save money. My recent promotion will help with that, and I'm thinking about selling my car since I won't need it in the city. (We'll still have Brent's little truck if we want to get a bunch of groceries or whatever.) So, I'm just finishing my classes and whittling away the time until we can start interviewing and packing. :)

Swimming!

My schedule this summer has been kah-razy. No lie. Right after we got home from San Francisco, my work schedule changed to allow for my summer class, a 500-level Literature class. Holy cow. I haven't been in school in eight years, and boyyyy do I feel rusty.

Anyway, being a student at WMU means I have free access to the pool! Yay! I LOVE swimming, and it is THE best exercise since it doesn't hurt my joints, I don't get all hot and sweaty, and it works all of my muscles while boosting my cardio.

So, my schedule on Tuesday and Thursday has been: work from 7:00 - 3:00, class from 4:00 - 6:30, and then swimming from 7:00 - 8:00. I also swim on Friday evenings since I get out of work at 6:00. I would love to swim on Monday and Wednesday and make it a full five days, but my work schedule simply doesn't work with the lap swim schedule. Boo. :(

WMU's pool is set up kind of cool. They put that bulkhead about 2/3 of the way down the pool and set up the longer side with lap lanes and leave the shorter side open. The lap side varies day to day. Sometimes you swim laps in the shallow-ish end (the bulkhead is just past the drop to the deep end), and sometimes you swim laps in the deep end. I've noticed laps in the deep end are harder, most likely because more water = more resistance.

Sometimes, if the lap lanes are full and I'm too chicken to share, I swim in the shorter, open end. A lot of people use that area to water jog, use kickboards, and swim more leisurely. It's less crowded, and I don't feel as slow since it's not meant for timed laps. The lap swimmers are serious business, and while no one has given me a second glance, I still feel pretty silly sharing a lane with someone who's passing me like crazy (luckily, the lanes are wide enough that you can swim up and down without having to circle - you just have to be careful not to splash or hit the other person as you pass).

I'm really digging it so far. Swimming three times per week will help a lot when it comes to maintaining lean muscle mass.

Also, I might start going to Planet Fitness again on Monday and Wednesday, just to walk and/or use the elliptical. As much as I'd love to swim on Monday and Wednesday, they really do have to be pure cardio days since Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday are sort of like weight days, given how much I'm working in that water. It takes a LOT to move this body through water. My arms are red and sore by the time I get out of the pool. It feels like I've been lifting weights for an hour.

I've thought about canceling my membership with Planet Fitness since I can use the student rec center for free, but it's only $10/month, and I'm a bit intimidated about working out around a bunch of students. I've always felt really comfortable at Planet Fitness, but the student rec center always feels like junior high all over again. I suck it up for swimming since I REFUSE to avoid the pool, but if I could pay $10 to use another pool (like the one at the Y), I totally would. I can only handle so much social anxiety in one week. ;) The pool at the Y was always empty, except for maybe one or two other swimmers, and the locker room had much more privacy. The Y is $40/month, though, so screw that.

-=-

I've been kind of "stuck" around the same weight for a few months now, so I hope this will help kick-start me toward 290 (I've been hovering between 296 and 301 - I HATE seeing that "3" on the scale again!) When I think back to my successful, "easy" weight losses in the past, one thing is always true - I exercised at least five days per week, sometimes six, without fail. I have been way, way, WAY too lazy, and it's so stupid. I love exercising! That's why I'm so grateful I have pool access. I love swimming so much - it's one of my favorite things - that I actually get cranky on my non-swimming days. ;) I feel great having a workout plan and schedule again. It's only been a couple weeks, but I can already feel so many changes in my body.

-=-

Because my schedule is kind of up/down/crazy, I've been making a lot of things in the crock pot. It's amazing. I can't believe I haven't been doing this forever. I've made a lot of meals with chicken (we bought a couple family packs of thighs on sale) and one meal with thin-cut pork loin. Everything uses "cream of" soup, and I've found that Campbell's Healthy Request is still WAY too salty. I hate salt, so I taste even just the tiniest bit of it. Brent didn't notice it at all, but I was practically gagging. I'm going to see if Healthy Choice has the soup I need since they have a lot of no-sodium soups. /crosses fingers

I'll post recipes a bit later, as I want to make those separate entries. :)

Couch to 5K: Week One, Day One

I felt so weird typing that title with full words. Everyone on MFP, SparkPeople, etc. use common abbreviations for the program. From here on out, you'll see me use abbreviations as well. Here's a handy guide:

C25K = Couch to 5K
W1D1 = Week One, Day One
W1D2 = Week One, Day Two

And so on.

Anyway, I completed W1D1 last night. I was really pleased with my results! I have no idea what my "splits" were or anything like that because I'm not timing myself yet. I'm just jogging when it tells me to and then walking when it tells me to.

Week One is a five-minute warm-up walk, then 60 seconds of jogging alternating with 90 seconds of walking (8 reps of this cycle), and then a five-minute cool-down walk. I actually did more of a 10-minute warm-up and cool-down since I walked to/from the little track I used.

The track is near an intermediate school and goes around a baseball diamond. It's very small and nothing fancy. I figured it would just be a nice, semi-secluded place to jog since I didn't want to go to the university track with the marathoners and hard-bodies.

When I got there, I saw a few families on the playground, some maintenance men working on scaffolding, and a couple people playing Frisbee with their dogs on the grassy area inside the track.

Mrrrrrrppphhhhh.

But, I shrugged, said, "Eff it," and continued my merry way to the track. When the "jog!" cue came on, I started jogging.

And it was hard.

And I was breathing heavy.

And I have NEVER EVER felt so heavy.

But it was FUN! I was able to jog all of the jogging portions, something I worried about before starting. It got harder and harder every time I did it, but I didn't stop to walk. I stuck it out for the full sixty seconds and then thought, "OH THANK GOD," when it told me to walk.

I'm not sure if it's because it was something new, different, and/or challenging, but I rocked it. Oh, I felt like death. Don't get me wrong. I should have brought water (that was an idiot move on my part), and I prayed for a breeze, but it wasn't so bad overall. My left foot kind of hurt and was numb near the end of the walk home, but a few real experienced runners said I probably had my shoes laced too tightly. I didn't realize your feet swelled when you jogged, so lesson learned. I'll keep the left foot a bit looser next time and maybe add a gel pad. My shoes have AH-MAZING support and feel AWESOME when I walk, so I don't think it's the shoes. If the pain doesn't go away, I promise to get it checked out at a shoe store. ;) I can always keep these for walking and use a different shoe for running.

It could also be that I'm not used to using those muscles for impact (walking isn't as impact-y as running), and I did some pretty bogus, half-assed stretches beforehand, so yeah. First time fail. But! It's all part of learning, right? :)

When I got home and took my shoes off, my feet felt fine. I'm really feeling it in my legs today, though, so that's good. It makes me feel like I really did work those muscles last night. C25K has a rest day every other day, and now I see why. The idea is to ease you into running without pain or injury and to give your muscles time to repair so you don't keel over the next time you go out. I'm pleased. We'll see how I do on Day 2. I'm so excited to get out there again. I felt like a rock star when I got home, even though I only jogged for eight minutes alternating with walking.

Okay. I need to stop saying "only". I jogged for eight, one-minute intervals. There. No more qualifiers.

-=-

I had every intention of working out my upper body tonight, but then Brent and I got into it about (what else?) money, like we always do when we have a trip coming up. I've been in charge of this trip forever, since I'm in charge of all things that involve planning, and I've told him a THOUSAND TIMES that we have the least expensive hotels; a super huge discount on the rental car thanks to my employee discount; discounts at every attraction between my employee discounts, Mikey's employee discounts, and Groupons; and oh-em-geeeeee just drop it. When I come home from work, the last thing I want to do is listen to someone worry and fret over something I've explained a bazillion gajillion times, and I don't want to solve problems. I need an hour to detox from helping approximately forty people every day. All I do all day is answer questions and fix things, so when I get home, I just want happiness and smiles and some food and my workout before I have to answer a question.

I'm also pissed because I feel like he doesn't trust me, and nothing pisses me off more than second-guessing my intelligence and planning skills.

Gah.

I felt bad because I got upset, went to my room, and slammed the door shut. (I know. Mature, right?) Then I tried to work out, and I just could not get into it. I was so upset that I hated everything, and I can usually power through, but I was ready to throw the weight at the stupid instructor's head. So I grabbed some water and decided tonight was a bust, which makes me even more pissed off. I can hear him creeping around, so I know he knows I'm still mad. :-P

-=-

I bought some hair dye since I'm going grey and not in a flattering way. The hair dye is a foam kind instead of the usual liquid. I really like it. It still smells a bit, but it has this hilariously overwhelming beer and chocolate smell to it in addition to the whatever-it-is-that-makes-it-burn-your-nose. With the windows open and the exhaust fan in the bathroom going, my nose didn't burn as much as usual, and the beer and chocolate smell kind of amused me.

It's just a dark-brown-almost-black color, the same as my hair. My hair tends to get lighter in the summer, so I dye it since my eyebrows are black and don't change. I end up looking really weird if I don't dye it. And now that the grey is showing up more frequently, I suppose I'll have to start having my stylist color it whenever I go in for a cut.

When did I get old? This is so weird.

Couch to 5K

Since I read so many blogs from runners, it makes sense that I have the bug too. I haven't run since high school, when I ran a mile in gym class every Friday and got my time down to around 11:30 from 14:50. ;) I had NO idea what I was doing, and now that I have tons of information - almost too much information - I think I have a grasp of how to start, what to do, what not to do, and how to get better.

I have to take the first step, though.

I found an awesome app called JogFM (they also have a website). You can put in your desired running pace, and they'll give you hundreds of songs that fit that pace. For example, I chose a 12:00 mile to start, and they gave me over 200 songs at 130 bpm! I'm going to queue the songs up on my iPhone along with my Map My Walk app and my Couch to 5K app. (Reminder: charge my battery before I head out.)

The Couch to 5K app gives you verbal cues to walk and run, depending on the week and day you're on. Today is Week One Day One, so I start with a five-minute warm-up walk, and then I alternate 60 seconds of jogging with 90 seconds of walking for a total of 20 minutes. That doesn't seem so bad. We'll see how I feel later. ;)

The Map My Walk app is to see how far I've actually walked/run. The songs are designed for a 12-minute mile, but they have no idea what kind of stride I'm using. I'm going to jog very slowly and carefully, as opposed to someone who might be running with more confidence (and less weight), not to mention someone with longer legs. The song is simply for pacing, to ensure I don't run too quickly or slowly. I'm interested to see my exact mile pace at the end.

In honor of my new endeavor, I purchased real running shoes:


These are Asics Gel-Fortes. I got them on sale for $85 on eBay. I LOVE THEM. They are so, so much better than the Brooks Ariels I had. I sold those on eBay because they were clunky, and the arch hurt my feet so badly I couldn't even walk a half-mile without limping and wincing. These have a slightly lower arch, with a lot of support right where I need it (on the inner part of the arch). They feel like they were molded to my foot. :)

Note: If you're going to try these, go a half-size up. I normally wear an 8.5 in athletic shoes, but I had to buy a size 9. The toebox fits perfectly, but the heel slides a little bit. I'm interested to see if they pull my socks down like the Brooks did. I tried them on during lunch, but I'm wearing flip-flops today and had to test them out barefoot. /crosses fingers for no sock pulling

Unfortunately, I'm not going to be able to keep up with C25K after Friday because we're leaving for

ZOMG SAN FRANCISCO!!!

I can't believe it's here already. :) We're heading to Chicago after Brent gets out of work Friday night, and we're spending the night near the airport. We got a sweet deal on a room with a Park & Fly package. $75 for the room and parking, which is cheaper than parking at the airport. Score. I figure this will give us time to deal with a car breakdown or forgetting something or whatever, rather than rushing around and possible missing our flight on Saturday. Plus, we can sleep later on Saturday since we just have to take the shuttle to the airport instead of getting up early to drive to Chicago.

I thought about starting C25K after we get back, but I'm too impatient. I figure I can restart Week One when we get back. That, or I can do it there. Whenever I go to the west coast, I end up completely borked on sleep. I wake up at 6:00 AM and pass out around 10:00 PM because my body is still on Eastern time. So I've been planning, for a while, to get up, work out for a bit, eat some breakfast, and shower before Brent rolls out of bed. Even though he'll be on Eastern time too, his sleep schedule is way different from mine. I figure I'll have three hours before he wakes up, which is plenty of time to jog/walk/swim if I want to. Yay, vacation. :)

I cannot believe I just came up with a fitness plan for our vacation and that I'm actually excited about getting up early to exercise! If you'd told me I'd say this a year ago, I would have looked at you like you had lobsters crawling out of your ears. Hooray for healthy habits, weight loss, and synthetic hormones. ;) I'd say this is a pretty good NSV!

Ha!

As I was modeling some new clothes in the mirror the other day, proud of my progress and finally excited about shopping for new clothes, I remembered this blog post.

When I read it, I was amused that I'd written it exactly one year beforehand.

Now, I didn't hit my goal of 265 by Thanksgiving, like it mentions, but that's okay. That's before I started struggling, only to find out I have insulin resistance and had to change my entire lifestyle. It also causes very, very, very slow weight loss. So, while I didn't make that goal, it's not a big deal. "Normal" people can lose 8-10 pounds per month, but I am not normal and lose approximately 3-6 pounds per month, sometimes 1-2.

But that doesn't matter.

What IS a big deal and what REALLY matters is that I don't feel like I did during that blog entry!

In that blog entry, I was really upset that I had to lose another 50 pounds to still feel horrible, and that made me very sad. I mentioned that I'd still feel and look disgustingly fat at 290, so those 50 pounds wouldn't even matter.

This is not true! I think I look nice, maybe even borderline cute some days, and that's because I dress to fit my body. I still have to cover my upper arms because they look like the Michelin Man, but I play up my waist-to-hip ratio (which is just nuts) and wear lots of fun jewelry with colors and clothes that complement me.

The reason I looked so "disgustingly fat" at 290 was because that was my heaviest at the time, and I was severely depressed. I wore a lot of black, shapeless clothes and didn't wear makeup or jewelry. In the two pictures where I made an effort, I looked much better, even though I was the same weight.

Now that I'm happy about my weight loss and dress accordingly, I look much thinner at 295 now than I did when I weighed 295 then. Much, much thinner.



Another reason I was happy to remember and read that post is that it proves that you cannot give up and cannot give in. A year will go by SO quickly, and hey - there's 60-100 pounds gone, just like that! If I had given up when I'd written that blog post, I'd still be 340-ish pounds, maybe even more. I'd still be huge. I'd still be depressed. I couldn't have done a lot of the things I've done during the past year.

Instead, I weigh 295 pounds, and I'm extremely proud of myself. :) I can do more and do it for longer periods of time. Thanks to buckling down during "Ass-Kicking April", I feel strong and awesome, even though I'm still morbidly obese. I look forward to exercising and use it to deal with stress instead of turning to food.

When I watch TV at night, I get bored because I'm not eating and don't know what to do with my hands, so I haven't watched as much TV. I've been shopping around for an elliptical so I can exercise while catching up with the DVR. I would have told you you were on crack if you'd told me I'd say this a year ago.

Also, I hate sitting still! I never thought I'd say that. I couldn't even get out of my recliner without severe pain when I wrote that blog post, and now I can walk three miles at a 3.5 mph pace without losing my breath or feeling tired. As soon as I can get that up to 4 mph, I'm going to start "Couch to 5K".

Please don't give up. Don't let your brain win this fight. Keep going, keep going, keep going. You will have bad days. You will have bad weeks. Do. Not. Give. Up. It doesn't matter how long it takes to come off, as long as it comes off. Every pound, every inch, every binge-free day, every minute of exercise - those are victories. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise, and if your brain tries to whisper those thoughts late at night, tell it to STFU.

Weigh-ins, Workouts, & Measurements

Wow, it's been two weeks.

I've been experimenting with the idea of a monthly weigh-in, given my insulin resistance and tendency to pack it on during TOM. So, I haven't been around for a while, but I've also forgotten to update.

I've been doing really great on the exercise front. I used to get lazy about it in the past because it was so hard for me, but now I look forward to it! It's kind of crazy, but I've become one of those people. I've been incorporating a weight routine every other day and walking and/or dancing on the "off" days (to give my muscles a chance to recover), and it's paying off BIG time. :) I feel stronger, healthier, and more energetic.

I took new measurements the other day, and I've lost an inch off my chest and an inch off my waist in the past 2-3 weeks. My pants are falling off, and my shirts are pretty blousy. I can't quite wear a 2X shirt yet, thanks to my amazingly huge booty, but I have some that are almost okay. I can put them on, but they're obviously too tight. I did, however, wear a 2X t-shirt to work yesterday. I was happy that it finally fit, but I refuse to say I'm officially a 2X since not a single 2X in my closet fits yet.

I'll have my next weigh-in in two weeks, on May 10. We shall see what that week brings. :) My weight has been dropping slowly and staying kind of static, but I know that's just because my muscles are retaining water to repair. Additionally, when people lose weight and don't exercise, they often lose lean body mass along with fat. By working my muscles and maintaining them, my weight is staying about the same, due to the glycogen and water retention, but my measurements are changing. So, it's not that I'm building muscle (which you can't do in a calorie deficit); I'm simply maintaining it. And, as we all know, muscle is more dense than fat and can screw up the scale. That's why it's so incredibly important to take measurements every month along with your weigh-ins. Do not rely on the scale alone.

My workout schedule:

Monday - "The Firm" (aerobic workout with weights)
Tuesday - walk
Wednesday - "The Firm"
Thursday - "Just Dance" (Wii game)
Friday - rest day
Saturday - "The Firm"
Sunday - walk and/or "Just Dance"

"The Firm" has multiple volumes, but I tend to do the same two (the ones that are the hardest). I told you I've been crazy lately. ;)

In addition to that, I've been walking during my lunch break at work again. The weather is finally nice enough to do this almost every day. I get 45 minutes for lunch, so I walk for 30 and use the other 15 to cool down, get a drink, and check Facebook, etc. I don't walk very fast, since I don't want to get all sweaty, but I burn about 200 calories, and it relieves some stress in the middle of the day. It's great. :) Also, since I use MapMyWalk, I can see that my walk speed has increased quite a bit. Last fall, my "fast" walk was about 2.6 mph. Now, my "fast" walk is closer to 3.8 mph. Incredible!

Ass-Kicking April

I'm borrowing a term from Alizey. This will be "Ass-Kicking April". I have become way too lax in my exercise and eating habits, and I have to get back on-track. No excuses. None.

I will:

-Exercise every day, unless I am sick with a fever, bronchitis, and/or the flu
-Watch my sodium intake (under 2000)
-Make sure I drink 8-10 glasses of water every day. If my sodium is too high, I will drink 11-12.
-Watch my carbs. I have been so lazy here. It's no wonder I'm not losing right now. It is imperative I eat like a diabetic so I don't end up there. Insulin resistance can turn into Type 2 Diabetes, and I will be so mad if I lose all this weight only to end up diabetic anyway.
-Incorporate strength training to assist with metabolism and overall awesomeness

I started last night and was very proud of myself. Even though I'm sick with some kind of sinus/allergy thing, it's not in my chest, so I'm in no danger of making myself worse. Oh, it sucked hardcore - don't get me wrong - but I did it. Breathing, even through my mouth, felt like I was breathing fire, but I still did it. I wish I could shove an ice pack into my nasal cavity and throat because they still feel fiery today. If I could snort ice cream, I would, just for a few seconds of relief. I hope this goes away soon.

Anyway, in the past, I would have skipped my workout because of the sinus pain, but I figured I could either lay in bed and be in pain or workout and be in pain. I chose to workout since I knew I'd be in pain no matter what. I played "Just Dance 3" and experimented with some new songs after dancing to my usual favorites. I forgot to wear my HRM, but the clock showed I'd been working out for around 40-50 minutes, so I figured I burned around 500 calories. I hate not wearing my HRM because I like to know exactly how long I've been working out and exactly how hard I'm working, so I made a mental note to put it on top of my Wii so I don't forget tonight.

Now that my knee pain is gone, it's been easier to get down on the floor and back up. I can do squats too. I feel so free. I'm not moving as easily as I did when I was younger and thinner, but it is so nice to be able to do things "normal" people do, like scrub the floor really well instead of using a mop (which misses the corners) or put together a TV stand like I did last weekend. I can also bend all the way over when I need to reach something near the floor or tie my shoes, whereas that would have left me breathless before (and I couldn't squat down on one knee because my knee pain prevented me from getting back up).

Anyway, now that my knees are so much better, I can do the full "Firm" workout again. These tapes (yes, tapes) are from the 80s. I know I've talked about them before. They incorporate aerobics with weights, and they are a great workout, despite their age. They kept me in shape during high school and helped me lose the 40 pounds I gained during my second year of college. I'm excited to put them into the rotation because I feel this will be the turning point in my weight loss. It will also ensure that as the fat melts away, I'll have a beautiful shape underneath.

So, here's to ass-kicking!

Just Dance

I have an awesome new workout!

I bought "Just Dance 3" for the Wii because I was SICK to DEATH of "Turbo Jam" and "The Firm". It's been too crappy to walk outside for, oh, five months now (*grumble*), so I was seriously lacking in the exercise department. Planet Fitness was lots of fun until they extended their $10/month special. It's so unbelievably crowded now that I can't stand it. It really screws up my cardio burn and wastes my time when I have to wait for an elliptical, bike, or treadmill.

Anyway.

I've been playing this game for a few days, and it's super awesome. I LOVE dancing. Like, I cannot stress that enough. I. LOVE. DANCING. I was really into sport dancing during high school and college, and then I started dancing with the SCA and at clubs every weekend. Then, I moved here, and I have no SCA... no clubs... no dancing. Booooo.

This volume has some really great songs, including one by The Chemical Brothers called "Hey Boy, Hey Girl". I usually do that one a few times throughout my workout. I keep going back to it because I love the song and the trippy tribal dance done to it. (It's the one pictured at the top of the page.) Tonight, I played for about 45 minutes and burned close to 400 calories. Not bad. When I think about how often I danced back in the day, it's no wonder I lost 80 pounds in 2000-2001 without even trying.

I can probably increase that burn once I get my legs more involved. Right now, I'm concentrating on getting the arm movements precise since that's how the game scores you. I've noticed that once I get a song down-pat, I move my legs quite a bit more. On some songs, my heart rate goes up to 151-156, but on the songs I'm unfamiliar with, I hover closer to 130. Regardless, I'm moving, and that's all that's important. :)

The other nice thing about it is that you can either flip through the songs and pick ones you like (like I did), or you can set it to "Sweat Mode", and it'll cycle through songs for you. "Sweat Mode" is nice because there's only one brief pause between songs where it asks you to click "A" to move on. So you can just click it and keep going, or you can use that time to drink some water. With the regular mode, you have to click through the menu and select a song, so there's a bit more down time. I like it because I'm picky about music. ;) ("Sweat Mode" does give you the option of picking a different song, but it only gives you 2-3 to choose from, not the entire menu, probably because it only wants to use songs with bpms that match the one you just played.)

It's so much fun that I'm sitting here excited to play it again. I'm tired, but I really want to play a couple songs a few more times, even though I know I'll probably die if I do another 15-20 minutes. Now I know how runners feel when they get that high! :) Plus, Brent is home, and I'm always embarrassed to work out in front of him. Haha.

Have you done any new workouts lately? What is your favorite workout right now?

New Shoes

I had a doctor appointment yesterday. It was just a check-up to see how my weight loss is progressing and how I'm doing on the metformin and progesterone. So far, so good. We had a long conversation about how I get scared every time I eat, even if it's fruit or vegetables, because I'm convinced I'm going to stall or gain. He said that's common when coming off a plateau and suggested I see a counselor if it continues. I told him I was happy that I don't turn to food for comfort anymore and that I'm happy I don't sit there every five minutes planning an epic binge later that night, but now I've gone clear to the other side of the spectrum. Food isn't evil, and I need to convince myself of that. (I assured him I AM eating and not becoming anorexic; he did get worried for a second.)

We discussed the pain I'm having in my left foot and left knee. He didn't seem too concerned, thank goodness, and didn't recommend me to an orthopedist or podiatrist. He said the crunching feeling and sound in my left knee is common when a joint starts to wear and that it should ease up as I lose weight. He said to make sure I stretch, avoid anything with impact, and take ibuprofen and ice/roll my knee after working out. I told him it used to be much worse when I was 357 - I couldn't even get out of my recliner - but now it's just when I sit in a chair (like at the movies) where my hips sink down lower than my knees. He nodded and said that makes sense since it's like doing deep squats (which I'm forbidden from doing). He told me that if I have no choice, to try to put all of my weight on my arms and push-up, just like I've been doing but more exaggerated. He mimicked a pregnant woman getting out of a chair, which was worth the price of my co-pay. ;)

As for the foot, he told me to go to a running store and have them watch my gait, measure my foot, and get fit for some proper shoes. I'd been meaning to do that for a while; it was a no-brainer. The relief was when he said it was probably just arthritis developing in my foot from stress on the joints. He said that would also clear up with further weight loss and proper shoes. Phew! I really miss walking. That was my chief exercise the last time I lost weight. Plus, I'm getting really tired of babying my foot halfway through the Turbo Jam video.

I got my tax refund today (yaaaaaay), so I went to Gazelle Sports to get fit for shoes.

A really sweet young lady named Dana had me take off my shoes and roll up my jeans. Then she had me walk back and forth while she watched my stride. She said my left foot pronates a little, probably a habit from when I was bigger and had to waddle around my thighs (my words, not hers - ha!) She also measured both of my feet (right = 8, left = 8.5) and had me go up to a 9, which was weird, but she said it would be better since my feet need room to move as I walk. She said if I wear an 8.5, the front of my left foot is going to get shoved against the toe box every time it hits the pavement. Duh. I can't believe I didn't think of that.

I tried on three pairs of shoes: Brooks, Asics, and New Balance, and the Brooks Ariel '12 definitely won.

Image courtesy of BrooksRunning.com
As you can see, they have a toooonnnnnn of cushioning in the arch and heel, right where I need it. She also said they have "motion control" which will help keep my left foot straight. They wrap around my heel perfectly, and they make me feel like I'm standing on a pillow. I told her I could have stood in them all day. She nodded and said most people with high arches buy those and love them. I'm really happy. I kind of want to wear them all the time, even with skirts and dress pants. :) She recommended I try to wear them around the house (whine - I hate wearing shoes at home) so my foot can start to heal. I kind of wanted to wear them out of the store, but it's all gross and slushy outside.

I did ask if they came in different colors, since I love those funky purple/yellow/pink/turquoise shoes runners wear, but they only came in white/turquoise. Rats. ;)

They were $140, which is right around where I wanted to be. I knew a good pair of shoes would cost $100 - $150. I really didn't care, as long as they were good. I see it as an investment in my health and happiness. Also, I'm sick and tired of being in pain.

I'm going to wear them tonight during my workout to see how they feel and if my foot feels any better afterward. I'm so excited!

Turbo Sculpt

I really like Chalene's "Turbo Jam" cardio workouts, so I decided to try "Turbo Sculpt" last night.

Meh.

I used to do "The Firm" in high school and college. It's a bit too hard on my knees and has a lot of floor work, so I can't pull it off the shelf again just yet. It's a great aerobic workout that combines lots of different hand weights. I was freaking buff in high school.

Anyway, I thought I'd give "Turbo Sculpt" a try since it uses one set of weights (3, 5, or whatever is good for you). I used a set of 3s just to be safe.

Meh.

For one thing, there was a lot of leg work - squats and lunges - and I simply can't do that. My knees are still completely out of whack. In fact, I need to talk to my doctor about my left knee. My right knee is okay, but my left is awful. Same with my left foot. This is no surprise since I tend to shift my weight to my left. The Wii Body Test always confirms it. ;)

Secondly, the arm work wasn't that challenging, and it didn't make any sense. She had some really weird moves tossed in there, and I didn't feel like I was getting a workout at all. It wasn't a matter of how much weight I was using (five pounds would have been too much); it was just... meh.

I think I'm going to shelve "Turbo Sculpt". I wouldn't say it was a waste of a workout (no workout is a waste of time), but if I want to use weights from now on, I'll either go to the gym or do "Firm Parts: Upper Body", which is put out by (duh) "The Firm". It focuses on just your upper body and gives you a thorough workout without combining legs. That's perfect for me right now, since I can't do the full series yet.

I cannot wait until I can do that full series again. If you can find them on Amazon, buy them. It's kind of hard, though, since the tapes (yes, tapes) came out in the late 80s.

Brrrrrr...

It is crazy-cold outside. The roads have been awful the past couple days too. I thought about going to the gym last night since I figured the cold and snow would keep the crowds away, but it kept me away too. It took me 45 minutes to do a 20-minute drive, and by the time I got home, there was no way I was going back out in that mess.

So, I decided to do "Turbo Jam".

I almost cried at the end of the DVD last night because I remember doing that workout when I weighed 340+, and it was SO HARD. I would get really happy once I got to the halfway point, trying to push myself to the end. Sometimes I'd stop halfway through and then go for a walk because it was just too much for me. Sometimes I'd sit for a minute and then get back to it.

Last night, I realized I was doing everything and not wishing for death. It wasn't EASY, but it wasn't hard either. It was just a "normal" workout for me. I pushed myself whenever my heart rate started to dip, doing more of the moves, running instead of marching, jumping, and giving it my all, right up until the end. I was actually smiling and really into it all the way through too, which has NEVER happened. ;)

I've never had my heart rate dip during that workout, so that was a first. Part of me is happy because it means I'm getting more conditioned, and part of me thinks, "Aww, man. I can't let my weight do the work for me anymore. Now I actually have to push to get/keep my heart rate up." It's a good thing, though. I like having a healthier heart.

Hopefully, actually sticking to my eating and exercise plan results in another loss for the week. I don't know what was up with my discipline in October, November, and December. I'd do really well and then fall off the wagon. I didn't go over my calories, but I got lazy about carbs and exercise. It was a huge wake-up call after New Year's Eve, though, when that scale got back up to 320. (320!)

I'm close to 310 again, thankfully, but it makes me angry that I "wasted" three months that I could have been losing weight and getting my butt below 300.

Oh well. Better late than never. :)

Belated Birthday

Every year, we go to this wonderful restaurant called Shifters on my birthday. It's been a tradition with our friends, Beth and Tony, for the past few years. It used to be called K.C. Dippers, and the "dip" part of the name is the exact reason we go.

You can order either one dip or the "sampler", which includes your choice of three dips. All of the dips are either cream cheese or sour cream based. You get tortilla chips and pita bread with your dip, giving you the means to shovel it into your mouth.

Usually, I order three dips, eat two, and then have one leftover for the next day (or power through it). Now that I'm watching calories and carbs, I thought it best to order one dip instead of three.

I got the sundried tomato dip, knowing most of the calories would come from the cream cheese instead of adding additional meats and cheeses to it. My dip came in around 300 calories, with another 200 for the pita bread.

I also had a Cosmo, though, not realizing how many calories are in those things. YIKES.

It's a good thing I went to the gym yesterday morning. Between Friday night's meal at Comensoli's and Saturday night's meal at Shifters, I knew I would need a metabolism and calorie bump. I tried a new routine of treadmill, elliptical, bike, back to elliptical, and then treadmill again. I normally don't do the second round of elliptical and treadmill. I thought I was going to die on the elliptical, and then the treadmill wasn't much of a cooldown since my knee and foot were kind of mad at that point and I had to quit after five minutes.

Also, my calorie burn wasn't much higher than it would have been after 45 minutes of my normal routine, and I was much more tired from all the switching.

My knee and foot are going crazy with pain today, so I really think I need to switch things up. Instead of trying to be the cardio queen, I'm going to stick with two machines - the bike to warm-up, the elliptical for the burn, and then the bike to cool-down again. Both machines are low impact and give me a higher calorie burn than the treadmill. This will prevent the pain in my foot and knee the next day

-=-

We're under a lake effect snow warning tonight and tomorrow. We're supposed to get 6-10 inches of snow. I'm pretty excited. Beth was teasing me because, every time we go to Shifters for my birthday, we get six inches of snow that night. Looks like we missed it by one day. :)

No Longer Stupid

Third anniversary bouquet and teddy bear

One year ago, I wrote this entry.

I was upset because Brent and I had gone to dinner for our 2nd anniversary, and it left me feeling fat and horrible.

Now, one year later, I don't weigh what I thought I would (260), but I feel infinitely better both mentally and physically. I've lost 45 pounds since last April; I never thought 45 pounds could make such a big difference.

Yes, April. Despite how upset I was in that blog entry, it still took me another three months to get going.

Here are the points I raised in that entry compared to how far I've come:

Worrying about finding a seat at the movie theatre with a moveable armrest and then doing the musical chair dance to ensure you end up in that seat, with nobody to your left (or right as the case may be), without being obvious about it because you don't want them to know you want it because you're too fat to fit between the armrests. Since movie chairs are designed for fatties, not fitting means you're superfat. Side note: if your boyfriend ends up next to the armrest you want to move, move it and make up something like, "I want to snuggle."

I no longer have issues with movie theatre seats. Brent and I have been to the movies twice in the past couple of months, and I fit without any issues. I even have room to move around. When I raise the armrest to "snuggle", it truly is to snuggle, not because I need more room.

Paying for two seats on an airplane. I don't think the policy is stupid. What's stupid is being the size of two people, hence needing two seats. This also means I can't travel anywhere without coughing up $600-700.

I still, technically, need two seats. The seatbelt fits, and I can put the armrests down, but it's a very tight fit and I'm really uncomfortable. I have to press my legs together to keep my thighs from pushing against the person next to me. I don't like feeling crammed in, and it's not fair to the other person, so I do still need two seats. This doesn't surprise or bother me, though, since the last time I flew comfortably, I weighed 250 pounds. I know I still have some work to do, and that's okay. Maybe I'll be able to hit this one by our fourth anniversary. :)

Going to Chicago with your boyfriend and crying because you don't fit in the seat at Wrigley Field, meaning you have to stand in the back through the entire game. Later, you won't fit into the seats at the planetarium. This results in a meltdown because you are too scared to go anywhere else for fear you won't fit. Also, huffing and puffing your way up the subway steps. Or better yet, having to sit down every half-hour while touring museums because your feet are tired of supporting your weight. The best? Not being able to fit in the patio seating at a restaurant, so you have to wait an hour for a booth (also tight).

We haven't been to Wrigley since I lost 15 pounds (last July), so I'm not sure how the seats are now. I weighed exactly what I weigh now the first time we went (312), and while I couldn't sit all the way back in the seats, they weren't uncomfortable. I could still scoot far enough back that my legs had room. The reason we had to stand when I weighed 357 was because I was practically squatting on the edge of the seat and my knees were dying from being bent like that. I'm excited to go this spring because I bet I can get under 300 by then. I can't wait to see if I can sit all the way back.

The planetarium seats are fine now.

I can walk up/down subway steps without any issues. I did it for an entire day in October, and by the time I got tired, Brent was tired too, so I didn't feel "fat".

I didn't have to sit down at the museum until we'd been on our feet for nearly four hours. Even Brent and Stacy were getting tired, so again, I didn't feel "fat". I felt like any other person sitting on the benches after a long day.

Booths aren't tight anymore, but I haven't had a chance to test patio seating yet. Again, that will have to wait for spring. I'm not concerned. I have a feeling I could probably sit in patio chairs right now, and I'll be even smaller by spring.

Not being able to pull yourself out of the pool because you got used to being weightless, and now your arms and legs can't shove you out of the water.

Ha! I forgot about this one. That was horrifying. I almost fell back into the pool because I could NOT pull myself up that ladder and almost lost my grip. I've been swimming many, many times since then, and I haven't had a single issue. I actually look forward to swimming again. We're going to Chicago in March, and I made sure the hotel has a pool. :)

Postponing getting out of the recliner for a drink or food or a bathroom break for as long as possible because you can't stand the pain in your knees when you get up. Then, you collapse back into the recliner immediately after you take care of whatever need you required, as if you just ran a marathon or something.

This is one of those things where I never thought it would happen to me, but it did, and now it's a distant memory again. I am constantly getting up to get a drink or talk to Brent or go to the bathroom or whatever without a second thought. My knee only bothers me if I worked it too hard the day before, and even then it's not that bad. I remember those days, though, and I'm so grateful I don't feel that way anymore, especially since our new place is three times the size of our old place. ;)

Doing laundry on the last possible day (i.e. running out of socks or underwear) because you can't stand going up and down three flights of stairs.

Ha! I do laundry every week now, sometimes twice if I need a couple things for the weekend. Also, in our old place, you had to go down three short flights of stairs. Our new place has four long flights, there are twice as many stairs (yes, I counted), and they're much steeper. I don't even think about it. It's work, yes, especially with a laundry bag full of clothes, but it's no big deal.

Driving two blocks to your favorite restaurant under the pretense, "It's too cold outside," instead of admitting to your boyfriend you're too embarrassed to walk with him. Why are you too embarrassed? Because even though he won't admit it, he has to slow his pace by 50% to allow you to waddle along next to him. This makes you feel like an invalid, which makes you feel ashamed. You're only 35, for crying out loud. 80-year olds can out-pace you. That's not right.

We walked to the restaurant last night, and I kept pace with him. At one point, I was walking faster. :) Also, I don't waddle anymore, and that's cured a lot of my previous foot issues. I used to over-pronate because I had to walk around my thighs. Now, my feet are straight and my stride is correct.

Eating to make myself feel better

I never do that anymore. Ever. I slipped for two days after Christmas because I was so overwhelmed with stress, but then I got right back to eating correctly and exercising and dropped all ten pounds of Christmas bloat. I'm back to the point where I respect food and I'm almost afraid of it (yes, I know that's a whole new issue) instead of loving it and using it to comfort me. I just cannot and will not be that big again, and I want to be under 300 pounds so badly it hurts.

On that note, Brent is still in bed, so I'm going to head to the gym. :)

New Workouts

I'm on a new work schedule now, which means I have 1.5 - 2 hours to myself when I get home from work. It's the perfect amount of time to workout in private and then make some dinner for both of us before Brent gets home. We have a really big living room, but I've always been too shy to do the Wii workouts when Brent is home. (I know, I know...)

Anyway, I bought the Gold's Gym dance workout from a used game store a while ago. I tried it last night, and it was a lot of fun, but it didn't have much variety for the songs. It was mostly Latin stuff, which I like, but I wanted popular songs I know and love. Since I did have fun with it, I plan to buy the "Just Dance" series.

The one thing I didn't care for was stopping after every song to review my results and then pick a new song. I like to keep my heart rate up, and even though I was sort of dancing in place (which is hard to do when you're trying to select tiny buttons on the screen), my HRM kept beeping at me. On one hand, it's nice that my recovery rate is speeding up; on the other hand, it's killing my burn!

After 20 minutes of that, I retreated to the bedroom** to try the 20-minute Turbo Jam workout. I like it, but it's not as intense as the regular workout. It IS a really good option for when you're pressed for time and just want to get a quick 150-200 calories burned off, so there is that. I'm not knocking it at all. I think this will be my workout for those days I'm tired/sick/sore and just cannot bring myself to do 45-60 minutes of high-intensity. I figure 20 minutes at low-intensity and 200 calories burned is better than sitting in my recliner burning 0 calories. ;)

I saw another half-pound drop on the scale this morning, which means my body is definitely responding to the exercise and strict food regimen. For several weeks, I'd lose a pound, gain two, lose a pound, gain it right back, etc. I've been in a steady decline all week, though, with a fraction of a pound or a whole pound gone almost every morning. I still have about 1.5 pounds of "wtf holidays wtf?!?" weight to drop, and then it's onto the final decade of the 300s. :)



**Our bedroom doubles as "my room", since Brent has an office. I have a DVD player, weights, and other workout stuff in there.

Weigh-in

Down 0.8 to 312.4. I'll take it. I gained another couple pounds last week, got up to 314-ish, and realized I did NOT want to be stuck at 315 AGAIN. I'm still mad that I got all the way down to 310.4 and then gained a ton of weight over the holidays. Anyway, I tightened up my carbs, and I went to the gym for the first time since - wow - before Christmas. So, I've dropped a couple pounds, but I can't really count them since my last official weigh-in was 313.2. ;)

I've started to realize that I'm one of those people who can't do it through diet alone. Every time I've lost weight successfully, it was because I exercised. As I've said before, I've lost weight "accidentally" three times, and it was because I had increased my activity tenfold. My eating didn't change, but I was probably burning enough calories through dancing and walking and such to make up for it.

Every time I hit one of these stalls or gains, as soon as I start exercising again, the weight starts coming down. I really, really, really cannot afford to be lazy anymore. I need to keep exercising and stick with it. I'm not in a rush to get the weight off, but I AM tired of stalling and losing 1-2 pounds here and there. I want a nice, steady loss every week, even if it's half a pound.

Despite not going to the gym for 3-4 weeks, I was able to do six minutes on the elliptical without a problem. I don't know why I stopped at six. I probably could have gone longer. I was in a nice rhythm. I thought I'd have to start at four minutes all over again since it had been so long, so I was surprised. Maybe I'll try to stay on for ten minutes next time. I obviously have it in me. I just have to stop wussing out. ;)

So, I have two pounds left to get to my lowest of 310.4, and then I need to get to 309 (BMI under 50) and then 307 (50 pounds lost). I feel like I've been stuck in the 310s for-EV-er, and I have, but it's my own damn fault. I got to 318 in mid-October, and I've been waffling my way to 309 ever since.

I have a doctor appointment on Feb 4th. I'm pretty nervous, even though he kept telling me he won't get upset if I don't lose anything, he just doesn't want to see a gain, and he was the person who warned me weight loss with insulin resistance is really darn slow and super frustrating.

Still. He's my doctor, and he was SO excited about my big losses from July to September that now I feel like I'm going to disappoint him with my "measly" four pounds lost. I'm hoping to get another few pounds off by then, but even still, I have a feeling I'm going to blubber all over him. Thank goodness he lost over 100 pounds and understands how much work it is. I'm still paranoid he's going to think I cheated, even though he knows me better than that.