Moving Early

Our landlords called today and said our new place will be ready at the end of the day Sunday. They asked if we'd like to move in a few days early.

Um, yes!

We're moving next Monday. Brent got the day off from work, and I worked some magic to get my shift covered so I could take a vacation day. Thank goodness I have an extra day off this week. Maybe I was psychic or something, because I really need it. I have to finish the rest of the packing, and then I have to paint the living room, breakfast nook, and bedroom with primer. I was nice and offered to do that since they were kind enough to give me permission to paint. They're supplying the primer, so it's a win-win. Good thing I saved my rollers and brushes.

My friend, Beth, is coming over Wednesday to help with whatever I need. I know how much she hates painting, so I might put her in charge of keeping the TV tuned to dramatic shows like "Bridezillas" and maybe have her do little things like hand me power tools as I remove the curtain rods or wipe down the shelves in the cupboards. I hate asking people for help, so I always give them these totally b.s. jobs when they offer, which is kind of silly, but whatever.

Beth is also helping us move on Monday, provided she doesn't get called into work. Kae took the day off too (any excuse to get away from the office, she said), so we should be pretty set. I told Tony (Beth's husband) to drop by after work since we'll still be hanging out and will probably order Chinese take-out for dinner. Kae loves helping me unpack, and she's been part of pretty much every move, so she's going to help me get the immediate stuff unpacked and sorted while Brent hooks up the electronics and all that nonsense.

Today was a flurry of emails and phone calls as I coordinated everything. I had to change the hook-up dates for all of our services and change my address pretty much everywhere since all of my online bill payments come out around the same time.

I'm so excited! Exhausted and overwhelmed, but excited!

-=-

My weight is still being stubborn, so I grabbed the measuring tape. I've lost nearly two inches off my stomach (dude!) and one inch off my underbust (bra strap). I also entered a few more measurements into my spreadsheet since I hadn't been tracking those. I knew the weight was coming off somewhere since my clothes are getting more comfortable, so now I'm going to pay more attention to my upper body (where I lose weight first) whenever the scale pisses me off. I can see my cheekbones again too, and my shoulders have a bit more definition.

I think I'm going to start incorporating upper body strength workouts. I want to sculpt my bingo wings so they look hot once all the extra fat comes off. I had some pretty decent guns in high school.


I wasn't even flexing.

This picture is also evidence that I will still have some serious junk in the trunk once I hit my goal weight. ;) One of my SCA friends always used to say I have a "natural bustle".

Oh. Duh.

I'm an idiot.

That magical, weird weight gain? Probably water. I noticed my breasts have been heavy and super-painfully sensitive the past few days. I was so confused, and then - facepalm - oh yeah. PMS usually does those things.

Unlike other people, I rarely have a period. I have PCOS, and PCOS combined with my obesity means I go months without a period. I haven't had once since last July. I'd been on birth control in the past to help regulate my hormones and give me a period, but BCPs turn me into a velociraptor some days and a crying, inconsolable, food-binging emo wreck the other days. No, thank you. So, I stopped taking them last July. (Coincidentally, that's when I stopped gaining weight at an alarming rate too. Thanks a lot, extra estrogen and insatiable cravings.)

I'll take the occasional, waxable mustache and no periods over feeling pregnant, thanks.

Anyway, I don't know if I'm about to get my period or what, but that would certainly explain why my jeans are getting loose but my weight is still up. I feel like I've gained five pounds in my breasts alone. I'm sorry if that's TMI, but they hurt.

Hopefully, this will all resolve itself, and I'll have a nice big whoosh of weight loss in a week or two.

Also, I just downloaded a spreadsheet that someone on MFP made. It makes tracking calories and exercise much easier because I can see my entire week and month at a glance. It's a lot easier to "bank" calories for future splurges, like going out with friends on my day off, and it's easier to see how much exercising affects everything. I can also track my inches and body fat percentage. I am a spreadsheet whore, so this is right up my alley. I'm still using MFP to track my food during the day, but then I plug that number and my exercise into my spreadsheet.


My thighs are not 0". I forgot to measure them. I'll fix that right now.

I went for a 40-minute walk last night and burned just as many calories as I do when I do Turbo Jam for 40 minutes. I like walking better, for the most part, since I like being outside and can listen to whatever music I want. I'll probably save Turbo Jam for rainy days, winter, and when I'm feeling incredibly hyper and a walk isn't going to cut it.

I was feeling pretty energized last night and almost jogged a little, but then I noticed my heart rate was already 160, and I didn't want to push it (it was VERY hot and humid last night). No sense in trying for a heart attack. ;) Maybe I'll try a bit of jogging when the weather cools down. I really would like to do a 5K someday, even though the farthest I've ever "run" is two miles (and I walked half of that). I was 14 years old and 130 pounds, so yeah... totally not the same.

Weigh-In

342 on the dot. Bleh. Down four pounds from last week's water surge, but two pounds above my previous low weight of 339.8. Hopefully, I'll be back to 339 next Friday.

I've been reading a lot about TDEE calculators on MFP. MFP tells me to eat 1840 calories per day to lose two pounds per week. TDEE tells me to eat more like 2300 calories. I have no idea which system to believe, and there are multiple heated arguments about it on MFP. Rawr. I'm so confused.

Back in 2008, I lost about 30 pounds over the summer, and all I did was switch to diet soda, stop binging, and walk for an hour almost every night. I wish I had a record of how many calories I ate, because whatever it was seemed to be my magic number. I don't remember cutting my portions by a lot, and I still ate out every so often. I know I used FitDay for a while, so I'll see if I can dig up my old diary. Once I stopped walking, I maintained my weight for a few months, but then it started piling on when I went back to drinking regular soda and binging. Again, whatever that calorie intake was seemed to be the magic number.

It's all so confusing, and I feel like I don't have time to experiment. I want the weight gone NOW, and that means losing 1-2 pounds per week. If I spend a few weeks eating the wrong calories and don't see a loss, I'll feel like I wasted a month. A month isn't that big of a deal in the big picture, but it is to me because the sooner this weight is gone (safely), the better.

Maybe I should stop worrying about numbers and just go back to my laissez-faire attitude from 2008. I wasn't even trying to lose weight back then. I'd switched to diet soda because I was totally addicted to Diet Squirt and Diet Mountain Dew, I wasn't binging because I was broke and couldn't afford extra food, and I walked every night because I was going through a nervous breakdown and being home, alone, made me very scared and twitchy. It was simply coincidence (in a sense) that I dropped two pants sizes.

I don't want to have another nervous breakdown, but maybe it would help me to just chill the eff out and live a healthy lifestyle that doesn't involve so much algebra.

Edit: I just checked FitDay. I wasn't very good at record-keeping back then (most of my foods were entered during work hours, so dinner wasn't accounted for). From some of the full days, though, I see I was eating anywhere from 1900 - 2300 calories, right in line with MFP's recommendations and TDEE. I guess it isn't such a huge mystery after all. I'll just keep on eating like I'm used to and make sure to exercise for an hour every day.

Point for Chicago

My last post was really long, so I didn't want to get into this. Good thing, because it led me to some more thoughts on the "Chicago vs. SF" subject.

Some of Brent's bosses were in Chicago for a convention this week. They called the office on Monday and asked if the programmers wanted to drive to Chicago today and join them at the Tigers vs. Cubs game. Brent and five others drove down in a co-worker's van and found out the company had paid for an upper deck Skybox, just over third base. Awesome!

Anyway, the game was broadcast on Fox Sports Detroit instead of WGN. As such, it had the Detroit announcers. This meant that they kept breaking away before commercials to show gorgeous shots of Chicago at night - shots of the river, shots of the skyscrapers, shots of the buildings surrounding Wrigley, shots of the L at Addison.

Every time they did, my heart skipped a beat. It looked like home. I wanted to walk through the screen and be there.

Brent sent me a text after the game to let me know he was on the shuttle bus to DeVry (where you can park for $6 during Cubs games). I told him to look out the windows as they got onto the Kennedy, as the view of the skyline from the north is the best, especially at night. He's only ever seen the skyline from the south, as we always take LSD in and out of the city.

As soon as I sent that text, I got another pang. I'd always loved that view. When I stayed with my friends at DePaul, I was so jealous of my friend's apartment with the view of the city at night. I used to sit on the couch, staring at the view. Kendall used to tease me and say, "It doesn't change."

I'm sure I'd be quite happy in San Francisco. I'm sure I'd grow to love it like I grew to love Chicago. I can't help this nagging memory, though, that when I was planning to move to Albuquerque to be with Brent, I struggled BIG TIME knowing I was going to be so far away from Chicago. I love being able to visit at a moment's notice. If we live across the country, we have to plan an actual vacation, and if we plan a vacation to Chicago, all of my friends/relatives in Michigan will be hurt we didn't go the extra 200 miles to visit them.

Plus, it's always been a dream of mine to move there. One summer didn't cut it. I want to be an actual resident. I've been dreaming of that since 1998. I spent almost every weekend in 1999 crashing on friend's couches every weekend, looking at apartment websites for places I couldn't even dream of affording until I was out of school, and even going so far as to write to the U of Chicago for graduate school info. I was 22. Now I'm 35. That's a long time to have a dream.

I suppose it all comes down to the job market and what Brent wants. He doesn't want to discuss it because it's "so far away", but I don't like the unknown. I'm not a "play it by ear" person. I'm fun and impulsive about most things, but I always get weird when I can't plan my future. I like looking forward to things, whereas Brent is focused on the present. It's a good balance, because we complement each other, but it can be sort of infuriating sometimes. ;)

He definitely wants to move to Chicago, especially since the Cubs and Bears are there. He's already told me he wants to live within walking distance of Wrigleyville, no exceptions. His #2 reason for moving here was to be closer to Chicago. This is why it surprised me when he dropped the SF bomb.

At the same time, though, if he gets a job in California, I'm not going to throw a fit. When he moved in and things got more serious, it became OUR future, not just my future. While I can dream, dreams sometimes involve compromises for your partner's dreams. He's just as generous with me, even going so far as to offer to support us if I want to quit my current job and find something I actually enjoy.

I keep looking through the pictures here, and it makes me feel like it's the summer of 1999 all over again.

Some of my happiest memories and relationships occurred in that city.

We have a lot to discuss.

Chicago vs. San Francisco

After a decent night of sleep and brunch with two great friends (Beth and Tony), my head feels more clear. Oh, sure, I still hate my job, and I'm dying to get out of this rut, but I don't feel a need to ugly cry.

That may change when I set my alarm for work tomorrow, but it's a little easier knowing the end is a year away. Brent all but promised we would move next year, and even though I don't want to give up our amazing new apartment (that we haven't even moved into yet - ha!), we would be moving to one of two amazing cities.

Unfortunately, I'm having trouble deciding between the two. Obviously, after living there for a summer and visiting a zillion times, Chicago is more familiar and feels like home. To be fair, though, I've never been to San Francisco, and who's to say I wouldn't fall in love at first sight like I did with Chicago?

So, I decided to compile a list of pros and cons. I did a lot of research on San Francisco today: web articles, Craigslist ads, blogs, Google images, and their transit websites for MUNI and BART.

Chicago:



Pros:

- Familiarity. I can ride the CTA blindfolded. I know which neighborhoods are decent/affordable. Point for Chicago.
- Restaurants, theatres, concerts. No difference there.
- Lake Michigan. I love being on the water. Again, no difference.
- Various ethnic neighborhoods. Unsure if SF has comparable areas like Little Ukraine, Little Italy, Greektown. SF does have a Chinatown.
- Cubs/Wrigley. Point for Chicago.
- The CTA is expansive. We wouldn't need a car as long as we live within the system. Unsure if SF's system is as expansive.
- Reasonably close to my family. Five hours on Amtrak to Ann Arbor/Livonia, and a six-hour drive to Gaylord. Point for Chicago.
- Snow for Christmas. Point for Chicago.
- Moving there involves a moving van. Point for Chicago.

Cons:

- WINTER. Winter is brutal in Chicago. Point for San Francisco.
- Lack of hiking/nature areas, despite being a pedestrian city. Point for San Francisco.
- The job market. Brent might be able to find something. I might be able to find something. Unsure if those "somethings" will pay enough for a two-bedroom apt.


San Francisco:



Pros:

- Restaurants, theatres, concerts. No difference.
- Pacific Ocean. MORE water. And sharks! :)
- BART/MUNI public transit. Unsure if it services every area, but it's better than nothing. (I'm looking at you, L.A. Your transit system sucks.)
- WEATHER. The climate in San Francisco is absolutely perfect. Foggy and not too hot, not too cold. No ice storms. No 90% humidity. Just spring/fall weather year-round.
- Nature, hiking, the whole nine yards. Close to Napa. A weekend drive for the redwood forest.
- The job market. Brent can get a job at the snap of his soft, non-calloused, computer programmer fingers. I can probably find something. Even though the cost of living is a bit higher than Chicago, his salary would be enough to make up for it.

Cons:

- The cost of living. Dear god. Even though we'd be making enough, it's hard to stomach paying that much for an apartment.
- I have NO IDEA where I'm going, but that's what maps are for. Still. Eek!
- We might still need two cars, despite BART/MUNI. If Brent works in Silicon Valley, he'll have to commute since we can't afford to live there.
- Giants, Sharks, '49-ers, and a bunch of other teams I don't care about. I could learn, though.
- Moving there involves selling most of our stuff and shipping the rest in boxes, unless we feel like driving a moving van across the country (no).
- No snow for Christmas. I know this sounds silly since I hate winter, but I do like having snow for the holidays. Of course, it might not matter since we spend every Christmas in either Gaylord (metric fuckton of snow) or Albuquerque (dusting of snow).


Given that I keep justifying my cons for San Francisco, we may have a winner. While it's scary to move to an area I'm unfamiliar with, we do know people there, so we wouldn't be completely lost. We could take a trip on the California Zephyr, something we've been meaning to do for a long time, and visit our friends and get a nice tour of the area.

The weather and the job market, along with the scenery, are a big push for San Francisco. I'm completely jazzed about being on the ocean (or at least close to it) and not having to deal with winter. Wearing a hoodie year-round? Yes, please.

However, if we ultimately decide to live in Chicago, that's fine too. Sure, the weather sucks, but I love that city so much. It might be tricky to find a job, but the cost of living is much lower (especially since we won't need a car), so we'd be okay.

Since I have the evening all to myself, I'm going to look up old episodes of "House Hunters" on Hulu since I know they've done a bunch in the San Francisco Bay area. That might help me place things, learn about the culture of each neighborhood, and put everything in better perspective. I'll call it research. ;)

-=-

On a somewhat un-related note, I'm feeling pretty happy today. I've already dropped three of the six pounds of weight I gained last week, and I might have the other three pounds gone by my weigh-in Friday morning. I've been spot-on with my calories all week. Even if I don't get back down to 339.8 again, though, at least I know I didn't totally biff up. ;) I should be back at that point within a week. If anything, I've learned a valuable lesson about which foods create havoc with water retention and general blargh-ness.

Ugly Crying

I full-on ugly cried after work today. That heavy, sobbing, little kid type of crying. I haven't done that in months, but today was just a perfect storm of everything that makes me hate my job. I've been "stuck" there for four years, always hoping it will get better. As soon as I start to think, "Okay, maybe I can deal with this for another year, just until my student loan is paid off," things start to go to hell again and I hate my life for another week, six months, year.

The first call of the day had me in tears. Then I had another crazy call that made me 45 minutes late for lunch, which is a "deviation" (what should I do - hang up on them?) Then there were all kinds of various issues that all piled up, and I sat there wondering, "Why am I doing this? I'm so much better than this. This is not my life."

Unfortunately, my expenses demand I keep this job. Until I have the rest of my loans paid off (Sept 2013), I cannot dip below my income. I've looked every week, but nothing in this area that I qualify for matches my income level. I started looking in Chicago, like I always do, and found approximately 18 jobs in my field of study that all pay equal or more than what I'm making at this horrible mental torture chamber that has nothing to do with my degree.

The second I got home, I laid on my bed. Brent found me there, came over to rub my hip, and that's when the floodgates opened. The whole time I sobbed, he crawled up behind me and cuddled me, something we hardly ever do (separate beds, video game addiction, etc). I kept sobbing, and he said, "We should think about moving to San Francisco. I'll take you right now. Instead of moving into our new place, we'll move there."



Say what?

It distracted me so much that I kind of sat up, sniffled, and kept doing those hitching sobs... but calmer.

"I thought you wanted to move to Chicago," I said. *sniff sniff*

"Yeah, but San Francisco would be cool too. The ocean, sharks for you to play with, Mikey and Liz [his best friend and his fiancee], good computer jobs for me, pretty trees, Napa is close-by, you'd love the fog, better weather, hippies, beaches... you'd love it."

"Well, yeah, definitely. I'd love to live there, but you never mentioned it before today. It was always Chicago, Chicago, Chicago. I thought you didn't want to move to San Francisco. You said Mikey kept trying to get you a job there, but you refused to move."

"I refused to move anywhere. It wasn't just San Francisco. In fact, remember... I was packed up and ready to move there, but then I chickened out at the last minute. That was right before I met you. Remember that story?"

I remembered. Then I realized something.

"Oh, it wasn't the city, it was moving in general. You didn't want to move here either. I had to fight you for months." (Brent was nodding at this point.)

"Right," he said. "But then I did move. So it's kind of like I swung into Michigan, picked you up, and then we headed out there."

The way he said it made me giggle, and thinking about a big change like that made me feel better. Like a light at the end of the tunnel. Brent continued, "We're moving into a new place in a couple weeks, so we know we're here for another year, right? That gives us a year to plan, so don't worry about it right now."

Well of course I'm going to worry about it. I brought up the point that he would need to interview for jobs, since it would be easier to live on his salary and our savings for a bit than it would be for us to live on any job I could find out there. He scoffed and said he has enough in savings for us to live on for six months as it is, so he can start looking next spring and see about getting us out there ASAP, even if I don't have a job lined up.

Then I got worried about the cost of living. Everything I've ever seen is pricey as hell. He said, "Yeah, in Silicon Valley, or on the peninsula. But places like Berkeley, Oakland, around the bay... the rent is comparable to Chicago, sometimes a little cheaper."

Okay, fair enough, but I was still sort of confused. And a bit hopeful, but nervous. Sometimes he talks about things to cheer me up, but then they're way far in the future, and my excitement is replaced with feeling stuck all over again. But it still made me feel better.

I still feel emotionally drained, though, and he's going to the Cubs game at Wrigley with some guys from work tomorrow. I've been DYING to have an evening to myself since he moved in a year ago, but he never goes out, ever. Since tomorrow is my day off, you'd think I'd be ecstatic about him being gone all day and night.

Nope.

For some reason, this ugly crying day and pitfall of emotions has brought out the clingy in me. I haven't whined or said a word, because I know how excited he is, but I want to wrap my arms around him and tell him to stay home and hold me. It's so bizarre. I haven't been like this since he left to go back to Albuquerque the last time before he moved here. I really hope I get a good night's sleep tonight because sometimes my depression is kick-started by not sleeping well.

I'm meeting my best friend for lunch at 11:30, so at least I'll be occupied and happy right after he leaves for work tomorrow.

Part of me wonders if this is due to a crazy dream I had Saturday night. Brent's mom sent me a letter and map showing me where a tornado had touched down while Brent was visiting his family. Brent died from his injuries. I was stunned, and I kept thinking, "This isn't real. I should have been there. This doesn't make sense." I kept waiting to wake up. It was so surreal. Then I did finally wake up, and I was SO relieved to see familiar surroundings and hear him snoring in the bedroom (I sleep in the living room since we only have one bedroom and his snoring/thrashing keeps me up all night). As soon as he got out of bed, I hugged him.

So maybe part of me is worried something will happen on the way to/from the game tomorrow. I know most people worry about their loved ones when they travel, but this feels abnormal. I need to chill the eff out and enjoy my 14 hours of quiet solitude tomorrow. I've been waiting all this time to have an entire day/night to myself, and I don't want to waste it being a big baby. I want to have fruity drinks with my friend and then watch bad television while packing boxes and eating whatever dinner I want.

I hope I feel that way tomorrow. Right now, I still feel like ugly crying. I just want to sob myself to sleep.

Catching Up

I know I haven't posted in a little while. Last week was... urgh. Here's a hint:



There's this damn commercial on the Hallmark channel (hush - I only watch it at night because they show "Golden Girls") for a movie about cupcakes. I can't remember the name of it right now. Anyway, they always show this guy frosting a yellow cupcake with chocolate frosting.

I'm not a fan of cake. It's too sweet and too heavy. HOWEVER, I do like yellow cake with chocolate frosting. After seeing this commercial approximately 27 times, I decided I would make a cake. Brent loves anything sweet, so I figured he'd be tickled to see cake waiting for him when he got home from work on Wednesday. I reasoned I would have a little piece, just to satisfy my craving, and then let him eat the rest.

Soooooo... it didn't go as planned. I ate a little piece, yes, and then I ate approximately half the cake over the next couple of days. Oh, and did I mention we had Jet's deep dish pizza on Tuesday, and I ate the leftovers on Wednesday? With two Pepsis?

WHAT THE HELL.

I haven't done that in a couple months. It wasn't a binge so much as sheer laziness and giving into temptation.

Anyway, I was rewarded with six pounds of sodium/water weight. I tried not to freak out, because I know there's no way I ate enough to gain that much weight in one week. I was still tracking my calories and exercising, and my overage was around 2200 calories for the entire week, which isn't even a whole pound. Still. Oh my god. After finally getting below 340, I was pretty ticked. Now I'm right back there.

So.

I recalculated MFP to make up for it. Hopefully, I'll see some results on Friday. As of this morning, I was back down to 343 (from 346). I better see 340 or lower on Friday. Luckily, it's only Monday night.

Even though we're still trapped in this hobbit-sized apartment with its hobbit kitchen, I've been making do. Brent went shopping Saturday and brought home some grapes, bagels, apples, and almonds so I could prepare some snack kits for work. I prepped the bagels and put them in sandwich bags so I could grab one every morning on my way out, and I divided the apples (sliced) and grapes into plastic containers too. The almonds are in their own bag, so I brought them as-is and just counted out 28 (one serving) when I felt like munching on them. It worked fairly well. I had my bagel, half of the apple/grape container, and 28 almonds while at work today.

As soon as we move, I'll have room to prep things for my crock pot, and that will give me lunches and dinners I can reheat at work and when I get home from my shift. I work until 7:00 and have lunch at 2:00, so I'm usually pretty hungry when I get home. This leads to crappy dinner choices. That has to end. I do so well all day and then totally fall apart at dinner. Brent is a huge fan of take-out, but he loves home-cooked meals too. I have a feeling he'll start dropping weight as soon as I start cooking dinner for us every night (not that I care what he looks like; he never used to have a belly, though, and he's been making comments about it).

There's the long-winded update for now. Gogo losing that water weight this week.

Finally!

I've weighed in at 339.8 for two days in a row, so I'm taking it! I know my official weigh-in is Friday morning, but close enough. ;)

I've been trying to get under 340 for-ev-er. I'm so excited! Even if I'm back at 340.0 tomorrow, I don't care. 339.8 two days in a row is a victory.

Yay, new decade!

The image I found for "339" is perfect. Brent is from New Mexico. When I saw the Zia, I knew I had to pick that image. As happy as I am that he's here, I really miss going to New Mexico to visit. We only go once per year for the holidays now, and it's nowhere near enough. We've talked about going during the summer so we aren't there only once per year, but his job is so unpredictable that we can't plan a vacation more than a week ahead of time.

I think I'll blog about my/our various trips to New Mexico later this evening. It's nice to write about something other than weight loss every so often.

Encouragement

I took a personal day yesterday to work on packing the storage closet and take a break for myself. Since Brent wasn't home (i.e. in the living room), I put my Turbo Jam DVD in the Xbox and decided to see how much fun it would be to a) see it on a bigger screen and b) have enough room to do it. The bedroom is beyond crammed right now, so I can barely lift my legs. It's pretty frustrating trying to work out in there.

Halfway through the DVD, I realized I wasn't having as much fun as I usually do. The same thing had happened the night before. I finally figured out why.

I wasn't wearing my HRM!

Since I've worn my HRM several times, always getting mostly the same results, I figured I didn't have to wear it every time. What I didn't realize, though, is the HRM pushes me to work harder and "rewards" me when I push the button and see my heart rate in the target zone (or a bit higher). It's like a little digital fan on the sidelines, cheering me on. Without that data, I can't see how I'm doing, and the negative voices start up. The HRM shuts them up. Plus, at the end of the workout, I can see exactly how I've done instead of just guessing.

Lesson learned: always wear my HRM, no matter what exercise I'm doing.

I weighed myself this morning to see if I've finally gotten over the 340 hurdle. Nope! Still 340.0. Rawr! I have between now and Friday morning's weigh-in to accomplish that little goal. It's so funny that I can't wait to see 33* on the scale, considering my first mini-goal is actually 331, not 339. It's not even getting into the 200s or 100s. It's just the 330s. Still, I feel like I've been 340 for SO LONG (see previous entry). Seeing the scale bump down a decade would make me feel so awesome.

And now for an NSV:

One thing I did notice this morning: I was wiggling my feet while sitting in my chair, and I noticed something moving under my skin. It freaked me out for a second until I realized it was just muscles moving. My feet have been so swollen for so many years that I haven't seen my muscles and bones during that time. And when I say swollen, I mean PUFFY. I could barely move my toes most summers. Even my toes were fat. When I sat in a chair, it was even worse because it cut off circulation. Now, I'm sitting in my chair, and they're perfectly fine. Not skinny like they used to be, but I can see those little muscles and they aren't swelling at all. Hooray for proper water intake and exercise!

A New Decade?

I refer to ten pounds as "decades". I've been in the 340 decade for what feels like forever, mostly because I yo-yo'd so much when I first got serious about losing weight. I think I've been 340-something since March, since I didn't exercise/diet at all between February and the end of April.

After my stellar calorie burn on Saturday night, I decided to weigh myself first thing Sunday morning. The scale danced between 340.0 and 339.8 for about an hour and then finally settled on 340.0. Gah! So close!

I was tempted to hack two inches off my hair. I'm positive that would have tipped it. ;) (Anyone remember that episode of "Frasier"?)



Anyway, I danced around because this means I will probably be in the 330s at my official weigh-in Friday morning. Squee!

After I weighed in, Brent asked if I wanted to go get lunch (we woke up VERY late). I was starving, probably because my net calories were about 400 on Saturday, so we went to Smashburger. We haven't been there in ages, and it's so freaking good. I don't know why we don't go more often. I splurged and got their Smashfries, which are fries made with olive oil, rosemary, and sea salt. I don't usually like fries, but these are really good. I got a small Smashburger with sharp cheddar and swiss cheese and a diet soda instead of my usual malt. Altogether, my lunch was around 750 calories. Not bad for eating out, and their burgers are ah-mazing.

When we got home, he disappeared into Diablo, and I packed up the bathroom and bedroom as much as possible. We're in this apartment for another 3.5 weeks, so I left out a few bathroom basics and about two weeks' worth of clothes that we can just wash and wear again when needed.

I took tomorrow off in addition to my usual day off (Wednesday) because I really want to bust out the storage closet, and I need a mental break from work. The storage closet is going to be a bit of a nightmare. :-/ After Brent moved in, I tried to keep it organized, but it's holding all of my storage stuff plus most of his old apartment. We have all kinds of furniture, clothes, yearbooks, photo albums, electronics, blankets, holiday decorations, board games, hobby items, etc. It's starting to look like the Room of Requirement from Harry Potter. If I can get that packed up, it will give me more room for the packed boxes that are starting to take over every room in our apartment (and we don't have that much room as it is).

I can tell it's a full moon. The calls have been crazy today. I can't wait to go home and Turbo Jam.

I Am a Beast!

I thought about this picture earlier, when I was being whiny and magenta. I decided, "Eff it," and put on my workout clothes. I grabbed my HRM just to see what was up, because I needed raw numbers to get me through the workout.

I noticed something strange about 1/4 in.

I didn't feel as hot and sweaty, and I was moving better. So, I kicked it up a notch.

BAM.

My heart rate was the highest it's ever been (but still within a safe range), and I could tell I was rocking the HELL out of that workout. I freaking love Turbo Jam Cardio Party (Mix #1). This is definitely becoming my go-to workout.

Anyway, I didn't have to sit for a spell halfway through, and I was still dancing through the water break. I pushed it all the way to the end.

My reward?

Check my HRM:

I realize it's blurry. It says "TOT CAL: 1483".

I burned 1483 calories!

My highest ever was 1087.

I'm a beast!!! RAWR!!!

I feel happy and inspired again. If I can push myself that hard six days per week, I could drop two pounds per week from exercise alone. Obviously, I might not hit that number every time, but it's encouraging, and I feel pretty bad-ass right now.

Yay!

Magenta

On an episode of "Golden Girls", Dorothy is having issues expressing how she feels. Blanche is trying to help her out, and the following dialogue ensues:

Dorothy: I wish I could explain it, but I can't. I was feeling jealous and lonely… and god knows what else…

Blanche: Magenta.

Dorothy: S’cuse me?

Blanche: Magenta. That’s what I call it when I get that way… all kinds of feelings tumbling all over themselves.

Ya know… you’re not quite blue cause you’re not really sad. And although you’re a little bit jealous, you wouldn’t say ‘you’re greeeen with envy’. And every now and then you realize you’re kinda scared… but you would hardly call yourself yella.

I hate that feeling! I just hate it. And I hate the color magenta. That’s why I named it that. Magenta.

~*~

I totally get how Dorothy feels right now. I've had one of those days where so many emotions tumble over themselves that I feel sad and exhausted. The day started on a high note (I wore my new jeans to work today), but then it got progressively worse and awkward and stupid and sad.

I'm fighting the urge to drive to TGI Friday's and eat this, my ultimate comfort food:

Instead, I took off my bra and pants so I wouldn't be tempted. I hate getting dressed once I've undressed, so it's an easy way to avoid eating 2050 calories in one sitting. (Yes, I checked.)

I keep thinking I should work out, but then I think about how I'll just be slogging through the moves, not feeling any better. Then I realize at least I'll be slogging through the moves instead of sitting on my ass like I am now. I just haven't been able to get up and do it. I think about everyone else who does it, no matter what their mood or how tired they are, and that makes me feel worse.

I think I'll do something fun, like Turbo Jam. My brain keeps saying, "It's pointless. It's pointless. It's pointless," but I know that's not true since I've been losing weight. I don't know why my head is messing with me today.

I just feel crabby.

And magenta.

Success!

In my huffy-ness about my weight today, I remembered that I always lose inches quicker than I lose weight. It's pretty apparent when I look at my back, shoulders, chest, and neck. Even my feet are less swollen than usual (thanks to all that water).

So, I decided to go to Lane Bryant and conquer those 22's. When I tried them on last time, they were a good 2-3 inches from closing. I figured I'd just go and see how much closer they were and then pick them up as motivation. My current size 24's are falling off of me, so I was kind of hoping the 22's would fit.

I put them on, and the button was at the hole but wouldn't go through. I couldn't suck it in any more, and sitting on the bench didn't help. Grrrr! I bought them as planned and figured I'd try when I got home.

As soon as I got home, I went straight to the bedroom. Brent mentioned dinner was ready, but I waved him off since I didn't want any food making my stomach even 2 cm bigger.

She's not even trying...
I put the jeans on, laid on the bed, did a little hip twist, and BAM! The button went through the hole. I zipped them up, did a couple of squats, and then walked into the living room to show off.

I have a bit of a muffin top, and bending down is kind of risky, but they fit! I sat in my recliner and tried to eat, but the waist was too tight. So, I can't wear them out and about just yet, but they're ON. I have them on (unbuttoned), hoping that they'll stretch a bit so I can wear them tomorrow. They really do fit perfectly, except for that tightness in the waist. Since LB jeans always get super loose in the waist after one day, I'm hoping they'll fit perfectly in the waist if I stretch them a bit. I'm so tired of my pants falling down, and I hate wearing belts.

I'll consider this a NSV (non-scale victory) since I couldn't even get these over my hips a couple months ago. I'm so pumped. :)

Weekly Weigh-In

I'm up .6 pounds from last week. I'm trying not to get upset since 1) Memorial Day weekend was kind of a bust, 2) I didn't get back on track until Wednesday, and 3) I didn't exercise at all this past week. (Yeah, I know.)

To be honest, I'm surprised I didn't gain more weight. It isn't even a full pound, for crying out loud, but it still makes me crazy.

Anyway, this is fairly depressing, considering I've lost every week up to this point. It was humbling when I entered my number on Thintopia. If anything, it's a wake-up call. I don't want another week like this. I want to see that scale go down, especially since I was so close to below-340 the last time I weighed in. If I'd kept up with it, I could have been at or below 340 today.

So, exercise and meal planning it is! Maybe I can get below 340 next week. :)

Tallying Up the Weekend

I was kind of scared to log my calories on MFP for the weekend. Not only because I was scared I'd gone way over, but also because I had a lot of different foods and knew it would be a pain in the ass to log every single one of them.

I had the same fear I used to when I was young and didn't have the hang of balancing my checkbook yet. Instead of wondering how screwed I was financially, I sat here and wondered how screwed I was... calorically?

Anyway, I typed and typed and typed away.

The bad news: I was 1100 calories over on Saturday. I already knew that, though.

The good news: I was 400 under on Sunday, 50 under on Monday (ha!), and dead-on yesterday (when I had a tiny binge). Today, I'm 400 under. That means I still need a deficit of 250 calories tomorrow, either through eating less or exercising. That shouldn't be too hard. :)

Monday was pretty hard to tally since I didn't have exact measurements, but I tried very hard to use what I knew of portion sizes when I filled my plate. Knowing I'd have to remember everything for my food log, I took exactly one tablespoon of each side dish and 3 ounces of various meats (3 ounces is the size of a deck of cards). I just had to remember how many tablespoons and how many decks of cards I'd eaten when I logged everything tonight.

All in all, I think I did okay. Even though I didn't get into trouble as far as calories are concerned, my nutrition was CRAP. I could tell just by the way I felt, and it was evident when I wanted to binge my face off yesterday.

Today was detox day. I had a bagel with cream cheese for breakfast, grapes and string cheese for snacks, pork and a salad with almonds for lunch, and chicken with brown rice for dinner. I'm stuffed, even though I'm 400 calories under. I drank about 52 ounces of water during work. I'm starting to feel better already. I don't want to binge, and I don't feel hot and sluggish.

I was kind of worried I'd ruined it when I felt those binge urges yesterday. It's nice to know I can shush the monster in a matter of 24 hours now. I'll just have to be much more careful the next time we go out of town. :-P

Memorial Day Weekend

I am going to be amazed if I lose weight this week. Hell, I'll be amazed if I don't gain weight this week.

I know I said I'd allow myself to enjoy Memorial Day weekend, within some boundaries, without feeling guilty, but I feel the guilt creeping up.

Or maybe that's acid reflux.

Anyway, it started with a potluck at work on Saturday. We had pulled pork, a fruit bowl, and then 82 dishes that were either high-fat or high-calorie. I tried to be careful, but I ended up 1000 calories over my daily budget. I did Turbo Jam, hoping to come up even.

On Sunday, we went to Detroit to visit my cousins. We stopped at Arby's on the way out of town, and I got a roast beef sandwich and apple slices. Okay so far. Then we went to dinner at P.F. Chang's, where I had two lettuce wraps and chicken fried rice. Again, not so bad. No exercise, but I didn't oink out.

Today, I feel like I oinked out.

I had some leftover Chinese food for lunch. Then, we went to my aunt and uncle's house for dinner. I had a couple pieces of cheese, two pepperoni rolls, a couple crackers with roasted red pepper dip, one baby back rib, a couple pieces of skinless chicken breast, cheesey potatoes (one tablespoon), two roasted potato wedges, some carrots, two bites of kielbasa, a cup of mixed fruit, one bite of key lime pie, three bites of lemonade cake, and a tablespoon of chocolate pudding. All in all, it wasn't a BAD day, but I feel like I ate so much food! I haven't eaten like that in ages, and now I feel like I have a food hangover. It was yummy, but I can't wait to get back to soup, salad, fruit, and lean meats. I can't believe I used to eat like that all the time (and my portions were much larger).

I feel like I should walk, but it's 90 degrees outside. Fail. I want to do Turbo Jam, but I still feel sick from eating too much.

I know. Excuses, excuses.

I might grab my iPod and dance. Any movement is better than none, and I don't want to overdo it in this heat. I'm also going to eat very carefully this week and be more disciplined when it comes to exercise. I have to make up for this weekend. I know I said I wouldn't feel guilty, and I don't, but it scared me how close I came to binging while there. When we got home, I wanted to grab more food. I'm not even hungry. I grabbed a huge glass of water instead.

~*~

Other than the boring food report, we had a great time this weekend. We watched "Ice Loves Coco" with my cousin, Kim, while we waited for my cousin, Tom, to get home from work. Brent laughed because we realized Coco is just like me, and Ice T is just like Brent. We definitely have extremely similar relationships! It was pretty funny. I usually don't care for reality television, but the show made me laugh, and it was interesting.

When Tom got home, we went to P.F. Chang's. I'd never been there before, but I'd heard everyone rave about it. Tom really loves their lettuce wraps, so we got some of those. I got a jasmine blackberry iced tea, which sounded delicious, but it tasted like Circus Peanuts. Yuck! Brent tried it to confirm, and said, "Holy cow. This really does taste like Circus Peanuts." The waitress was very nice and gave me a regular iced tea instead. I told her she could charge us for the yucky tea, but it wasn't on our bill.

After P.F. Chang's, we went mini-golfing. That was so much fun! I haven't been mini-golfing in many, many years. Tom and I used to go mini-golfing all the time when we were kids, so it was really cool. He and I ended up in a tie after we tallied our scores. We both got a hole-in-one too! Kim came in third, and then Brent came in last. Awwww. :( I was upset that I'd forgotten my camera. It would have been nice to have some pictures of that. One more check for the "Why I need an iPhone or Droid" list. ;)

When we got home from mini-golfing, we changed into pajamas and watched "Planes, Trains, and Automobiles". I'd forgotten how funny that movie is. I always feel bad for John Candy's character, though, especially because even though he's annoying, he's such a nice guy. He's the master of puppy dog eyes.

We didn't do anything when we got up today. We sat around and watched the Tigers play the Red Sox, and then we put on the Cubs and Padres game. The Cubs ended their 12-game losing streak, thank goodness. Brent was pretty relieved and happy.

After the barbecue at my aunt's house, we drove home. The drive was uneventful; traffic was light, and the weather was fine (just HOT and sunny). We got home around 9:30 and turned the A/C on right away.

I hope you all had a great weekend!

Memorial Day Weekend

First of all, whatever you are doing this weekend, please take a moment to reflect on and thank those brave men and women who served, fought for, and died for our country. They left behind friends and family so that we may enjoy time with our own loved ones in a free country. They made the ultimate sacrifice, and in the midst of clearance sales, barbecues, and sleeping in, the very least we can do is remember why Monday is a holiday. If you are out and about and see a veteran, please take the time to thank them for their service. Hell, give 'em a beer while you're at it.

~*~

Ahh, Memorial Day weekend. I have to work today, but I have Tuesday off to make up for it. I get a three-day weekend, just not on the three days everyone else has off. I may be in the office today, but while you're all back at work, dealing with Tuesday drudgery and playing catch-up, I'll be sleeping in. ;)

I'm not going to go hog wild this weekend (har har), but with an inability to track my calories and an unsureity of when I'll be able to exercise, I've decided to just leave it up to my willpower and current knowledge of what's Good and what's Bad.

I realized I should probably plan as best as I can, though. It would be stupid to avoid my aunt's amazing baking, my uncle's amazing barbecue, and Lafayette's amazing coneys, so I plan to do Turbo Jam tonight. We're having a potluck at work today, and I haven't eaten TOO much food, but I'm not taking any chances!

Anyway, we're leaving for Detroit tomorrow morning, and we'll be spending Sunday afternoon and evening with my cousins. There is talk of mini-golf, which means walking and moving around. I'm okay with this plan. We might walk around Greektown some too.

On Monday, we're going over to my aunt and uncle's house for a barbecue. When we get home Monday night, I can go for a walk or do Turbo Jam again (depending on how much I pig out). ;)

So I think the weekend should be okay, but it is a bit nerve-wracking not being able to have full, complete control of my food, my eating schedule, and my exercise. I've already promised myself I won't get upset if I don't lose any weight this week. If I do, then I can give myself a pat on the back for surviving a holiday weekend relatively unscathed. If not, oh well.

I deserve a fun weekend with my relatives, and if it means not losing two pounds this week, that's okay. It's all about the big picture. It doesn't mean I've fallen off the wagon. It doesn't mean I'm in the middle of a set-back. It's quality time spent with family, and that's really all that matters until I'm home and back into my routine again.

That's the difference between a lifestyle change and a crash diet. My lifestyle has to allow for family, friends, and fun while being smart about my choices; otherwise, I'm not living, and you can't have a lifestyle if you refuse to live.

Friday Weigh-In

This morning's official weigh-in: 341.8 pounds.

I'm down 1.8 pounds from last week, bringing me to an overall loss of 14.2 pounds.

341.8. The 330s are so close I can taste it. I really hope I can knock a couple pounds off this next week and get there. I feel like I've been in the 340s forever. I was up and down quite a bit while starting and stalling this weight loss, so I've been seeing 34_ on the scale for a few months. It's time to kick that stupid number off the scale forever.

A Moment of Zen

I experienced a strange, crazy moment earlier. I'm going to chalk it up to zen.

I never thought I'd reach this point. I hope this sticks around permanently, because I think it means I may have kicked (or at least curbed) my food addiction.

My net calories were around 400-500 yesterday because I didn't eat much and exercised a ton. I just wasn't very hungry. When my friend, Beth, called to ask if I wanted to have lunch and go shopping today, I figured maybe I could have a little treat or cheat day since I was so on-track.

We went to lunch at Chili's. I skipped the steak and ordered an amazing grilled chicken. It was Margarita Grilled Chicken, and it had rice and black beans on the side. According to MFP, it was 550 calories total. Awesome! It was delicious.

After we walked around the mall for a while, Beth suggested we stop at the food court for a drink. I hadn't had diet soda in about three weeks, but I wanted a slice of pizza because it sounded SO good, and I like to have soda with pizza. We went to Sbarro, I got a slice of cheese pizza and a Diet Pepsi, and then we sat down.

I patted the pizza with napkins to get the grease off and then... nothing. I took a couple bites, and I just wasn't feeling it. I didn't want it. I sipped my Diet Pepsi, and it tasted so acidic and sweet to me. Not one to waste food I've paid for, I took a couple more bites, but it just wasn't that good. Beth said I should just toss it - no sense in eating calories I don't want - but I was torn over wasting it. Finally, I tossed it. I simply DID NOT want it. It was like my brain kept refusing to enjoy it. I kept thinking about how far I've come and that the only reason I bought it was because I wanted a treat. I wasn't hungry. I just wanted it.

That was the old Sarah. To sit there, not wanting to eat that pizza, not wanting to eat empty calories I didn't even need, that's the new Sarah.

It was a total eye-opener. Even the pie at the dessert place didn't look appealing. My brain just kept saying, "That's what made you fat. That's poison."

Perhaps that's a bit extreme, and I'm sure I'll be able to enjoy food like that again, but it's nice to have a break from the endless loop of, "EAT EAT EAT EAT EAT MORE EAT MORE EAT MORE MUST EAT MUST EAT MUST EAT". That voice is finally gone.

I hope it's gone forever.

Now, I see nothing wrong with treating myself now and again. A lady at work who makes amazing cupcakes brought some in the other day, and I had one. Why on earth would I deny myself one of the best things I've ever tasted? Instead of having four, though, I had one. The old me would have had several. The new me had one, enjoyed every bite of it, and logged it on MFP so I'd know to make up for it later when I made dinner and exercised.

This is a lifestyle. It is not a diet. It is not temporary. I feel like I've finally turned that corner where habits have become ingrained. I never want to fight that urge to binge again. I hope this is permanent.

Eternal thanks to Beth for being such an inspiration to me. The reason we were shopping today is because that girl has gotten down to a size four. She started at a size 14. I am so proud of her. She's a huge help when it comes to nutrition and motivation. Someday, I hope we can go shopping for new clothes for me. I'm going to be so excited when I can wear Misses sizes again and we can shop at the same stores. She did point out that Old Navy has jeans up to size 18, so maybe that day isn't too far off. :)

Impatient

Okay, so, I know my official weigh-in is supposed to be Friday morning. I know I'm supposed to stay off the scale until then.

I got impatient, though, and decided to weigh myself this morning.

I hit 342 on the nose. I'm down 1.6 pounds since last Friday. It's not as big a loss as I was hoping for, but it's still a loss, and I still have two days before my official weigh-in. If history proves correct, that number will take a dive on Friday. (I've been weighing in heavy mid-week and then it seems to drop way down before Friday morning.)

Part of me wants to worry about it, and this is precisely the reason why they tell you not to weigh yourself every day. Weight, especially in women, can fluctuate so much over an hourly/daily period.

Anyway, even if I stay at 342 on Friday, it's still a loss. It's still less than what I weighed a week ago, two weeks ago, a month ago.

342 is very close to the 330s. I can't wait to get there. Hopefully, I can hit 339 next Friday. That's a very motivating thought. :) Just one more week, and (hopefully) I'll be out of the 340s!

Oh, Geez

The "ha ha" is on me.

I just called Direct Loans to find out why my payment went up over $200/month.

Apparently, when they sent me the notice saying, "We need your 1040 to keep you on this plan," I ignored the notice. Basically, before the notice came in the mail, I went online and re-applied for the same plan. I thought I was being pro-active by doing that. So, when I received my notice, I tossed it since I'd applied already.

If I'd read the notice, however, I would have realized I applied for the wrong plan.

My customer service rep, Dennis, was very nice and explained it happens fairly often since Income-Contingent and Income-Based are so similar. The internal English major in me said, "Yeah, except for the fact they use different words. I should have noticed."

He's going to send me another notice, which I'll reply to this time. He told me to check the box for Income-BASED Repayment. I wrote "IBR" on my notepad and laughed**. No way I can forget that now.

Once I do that, my payments will go from the doomed $347 to $185. Much, much better.

This leaves some wiggle room for braces (no pun intended), but I think I'll still wait until next year when I have the last of my medical bills paid off and I can set up my FSA.

Government: 1
Me: 0


**I do not think IBR is a laughing matter. I am sorry if you suffer from it. It just amuses me that student loans can be associated with digestive issues. How fitting.

Braces: Parte the Third

The government has decided I don't need braces.

Every year, I submit my income so they can figure out my student loan payment. I'm on the income-based plan because it's the easiest for me. My loan payments have always hovered around $120 - $140.

Last night, I got a notice stating my payments are going up to $347.

Um, what?

When I graduated, my interest rate was 2%. During the 2008 bank bail-outs, my interest rate went up to 7%. But I'm not bitter.

I got a promotion in late 2010, which meant my income for tax year 2011 was higher than previous years. It wasn't that much higher, though, and certainly not enough to warrant a $200 increase in my payment.

I plan to call them today to make sure it's correct. The code on the payment plan looked wrong, so I'm hoping it was a miscalculation on their part.

In the meantime, I've canceled my appointment for panoramic x-rays and the "before" pictures taken with the Predator Appliance**. My braces were going to cost $200/month, the exact increase in my student loan payment.

It's as if they knew.

Now, I'm not complaining about paying the loan back. It is a loan, and I knew that when I was in school. I knew I couldn't skate by on it forever. I suppose I'm just miffed that it's such a large increase after becoming accustomed to the payment going up by only $20-40 every year.

Braces aren't totally out of the picture, though. I crunched some numbers last night, and it turns out I'll be able to re-visit the idea in a year or so, once I have another loan paid off. This will also give me time to set up my FSA at work, meaning the money for my braces is taken out pre-taxes.

If the government is going to screw me, I may as well screw them right back.



**Do a Google image search for "before braces". Now do a Google image search for "Predator". See the resemblance? Or just go to my first post about braces.

Wrigley Field

Right now, I have some mini-goals set up. One of those is to get back to 314 pounds, my weight when I met Brent.

There is a very specific reason for this.

Brent and I love the Cubs. We love Chicago. We love Wrigley Field.

Wrigley Field, however, does not love me.

Wrigley Field was built lo those many years ago, when the average person was teeny tiny. The "new" seats, installed in the 1960s, are 18", and you can't raise the armrests. They are unforgiving metal armrests that allow absolutely zero wiggle room. Allowing for the armrests, the seats are 16-17" wide, and you are right on top of your neighbor.

When that first picture was taken, Brent had flown to Chicago to visit me for the first time. It was our second time meeting each other, as I'd flown to Albuquerque to visit him three months prior. We went to Wrigley Field the very next day. The seats were tight, so I sat sort of on the edge of the seat and turned toward him a little, much like I'm sitting in that picture.

When we went back to Wrigley last September, I was 356 pounds. I didn't think anything of it. I figured I'd just sit on the edge of the seat again.

Wrong.

Because I had extra weight in my hips and butt - 42 extra pounds - I couldn't sit as far back as I had during that first game. I had to sit so far forward, my knees were digging into the cup rests on the backs of the seats ahead of us. Plus, it was killing my left knee to sit like that, and it was already in pain from being so heavy. I could barely get up from a sitting position at that weight.

Brent suggested we move down so I could sit in the aisle seat and stretch my leg out. It worked perfectly until the bottom of the sixth inning, when some latecomers came to claim their seats. They told us they thought the game started at 3:00, not 1:00. (Seriously?!?) So, we moved back to our original seats in the middle of the row.

Some girls had just sat down in front of us, and I realized I'd be hovering right above them, creeper-style, since I had to sit so far forward. I didn't want to breathe down their necks for the rest of the game. So, Brent located some aisle seats way back near the top of the deck. I was so upset about everything that I cried through the rest of the game. I felt horrible. Ashamed. You think that would have been the last straw, right?

Obviously not. It took me another six months to get my butt in gear, so to speak.

Which brings us to this post.

My dad has always wanted to go to Wrigley Field. I'm very excited to bring my dad to Wrigley. I know how much he's going to love it. We're going to drink Old Style, eat cheesy pretzel bites and hot dogs, and watch some ball. It's going to be a great summer afternoon with my dad and my boyfriend. I can't wait.

We decided on July 14, as the Arizona Diamondbacks are playing in Chicago that weekend. Kirk Gibson is their manager now, and my dad thought it would be cool to see a former Tiger at Wrigley, especially since we have fond memories of seeing him at Tiger Stadium when I was a kid.

If you have no idea who that is, do you remember this picture from the 1984 World Series? That's "Gibby", after he hit his home run that clinched the World Series for the Tigers.

Anyway, this means I have until July 14 to get back down to 314 pounds. I'm sure the seats will be fine even if I only get to 320, but I know for a fact they'll be fine if I get down to 314. I'm 343 as of a quick weigh-in this morning, so that means I have seven weeks and five days to lose 29 pounds. That's an average of 3.7 pounds per week. Right now, I'm losing about 2.6 pounds per week, so I would have to increase my exercise by a few hours per week. Getting to 320 would be the more attainable (and safe) goal, of course. At my current pace, I'll be around 323 that day, so if I step it up, I could easily see 320 or a bit less.

Either way, whether it's 314, 320, or 323, I'm going to be in much better condition than I was when I weighed 356 pounds and had a tendonitis in both knees and plantar fasciitis in my left foot.

Just like the Cubs, I need to step up my game.

Speed Reading

I started reading when I was just shy of three years old. I picked it up immediately and never had any learning issues. My vocabulary and spelling skills expanded just as rapidly. When I started kindergarten, I was bored out of my mind. My teacher - and I'll always love her for this - decided to test me instead of dismissing me as some kid with ADD. I'm so glad I started school before doctors started drugging children.

Anyway.

After administering some tests, which I honestly don't remember, she determined I could read and spell at the fifth grade level. No wonder I was bored!

My parents told me I could start in the first grade right away. I'd only been in kindergarten for three weeks. I liked it because it was fun, but it really did seem baby-ish. I clearly remember being bored out of my mind when she had all of us come up, in order, to use the pointer and point at all of the differently-colored elephants around the room. When you pointed at an elephant, you had to state which color it was. Many of the kids struggled, but some did okay. I was sick and tired of waiting for my turn. This was so easy! Finally, she handed me the pointer, and (probably to prove a point) I ran all around the perimeter of the room yelling, "Orange! Red! Yellow! Green! Blue! Purple! Black! Grey! Brown! White!" while I slapped the pointer on each elephant.

That was kindergarten to me. Endless days of waiting for everyone to figure it out and wishing we could MOVE ON.

Moving to the first grade had its pros and cons. I was finally learning new things, and I felt like I was on an even keel with my classmates. Unfortunately, the teacher kept making a huge deal about how smart I was and said things like, "Did you hear Sarah read that? That's how I want all of you to read. Catch up!" The fact she was a 132-year old nun probably didn't help matters. Nuns don't have filters. I won every classroom spelling bee, and (as you can imagine) all of the kids hated me. I had very few friends. I started losing spelling bees on purpose, just so they wouldn't tease me anymore. I tried to blend into the background as much as possible. I stopped raising my hand.

Fast forward a couple years. Now I'm into paperbacks, and I'm finishing them at lightning speed. My dad kept saying, "How can you even enjoy the story? Do you even remember anything? Slow down and enjoy the book." It was more out of disbelief than criticism. My dad was very proud of me; in fact, he's the one who taught me how to read. We used to go to the library all the time when I first started reading, and he made a game out of reading words backwards. I thought it was just fun and silly, but he was actually teaching me how to sound things out rather than memorizing the way words look.

This continued into adulthood. I still finish books at a breakneck pace. Sometimes, I wish I didn't. I'd love to savor a book for a few days. I'm always so sad when I look forward to getting a new book, only to have it finished in a few hours.

I found this test on someone's Facebook today. I scored 1257 words per minute.

How did you do?

Source: Staples eReader Department

New House

I am so excited.

We move into our new house in six weeks.

SIX WEEKS

It's actually more of a duplex, since it's the entire top level of a huge historic home, but I think of it as a house because we have front and rear entrances, and it's 1700 square feet. (It's bigger than some of my friends' houses.)

Things that are squee-worthy:

- The square footage
- Formal dining room (it's big enough for roller skating)
- Fireplace in the living room
- Brent will have an office
- Normal size refrigerator/freezer, which means I can finally cook for real
- Basement w/ storage and laundry
- Two-car garage
- Two porches
- Winding staircase in the front; servents' staircase in the back (original to the house - our
bedroom is off that staircase, and it used to be the maid's room)
- House was built in 1853
- Instead of overhead lights in each room, we have electric candalabras on the wall. The dining room has a chandelier in the same style.
- BIG windows
- Radiators for heat = low heating bill
- No more yetis above us
- No more noisy neighbor next to us (he wakes us up with a lawn mower, leaf blower, edge
trimmer, and whatnot almost every day)
- No more noisy neighbors coming in and out at all hours
- Youngstown style kitchen sink (the picture below is an example)

Weekly Weigh-In

This is a Thai highway sign. I think it looks cool.

Woohoo! The scale was being finicky all week, to the point I actually panicked last night and called it a "dirty, lying whore", but it came through for me today.

I ended up weighing myself five times because I simply couldn't believe it. I'm down 2.8 pounds from last week, to 343.6, putting me at a two-week total of 5.4 pounds and an overall total of 12.4 pounds.

I need to start measuring inches too, since I can tell my clothes are fitting a lot better. My jeans need a belt, and they're a bit baggy in the thighs. I still can't get into the next size, though, so I'll try again in a few weeks.

Seeing that number drop to 343.6 after being "stuck" around 346 all week gave me a huge confidence boost. If I can lose just a teeny bit more during this next week, I'll hit 340. That's SO close to the 330s I can taste it. I can't wait to get into the 330s because then my first mini-goal will be within reach (331 = 25 pounds lost).

Yay! :)

Thintopia

This is our group image. Isn't he smexy?

I joined a Thintopia competition with some other ladies. I was a bit nervous, since I haven't really been tracking my progress as I get accustomed to the calorie-counting and exercising. I could feel changes in my body, but I didn't think my weight had changed all that much since that last drop over the winter.

The weigh-in day is Friday, so I weighed myself last Friday, and I was 349 pounds (down from 356 on January 18). When I weighed myself this Friday, I was pretty nervous. I wasn't sure if I'd see much of a change within a week, especially because, at this weight, it's hard to tell.

My weight was 346. I lost three pounds! It feels like a drop in the bucket, but I'll take every pound I can get. Soon, it will be three more pounds, then three more, then three more... And this past week wasn't hard at all. I was pretty casual about my eating instead of overly-careful, and I rested one night instead of exercising. If I really stepped up my game, I bet I could lose more, but part of me wants to stay in that 3 pound/week range so I don't get too much loose skin.

I know I need to bring my sodium down. I drink a lot of water, but I could stand to cut the sodium even more and drink more water and green tea. Sometimes I wonder if I'd lose a bit more if I didn't retain so much water. My feet are puffy more often than not, and my rings are usually tight. I don't like salt, so I don't eat salty foods, but I'm sure I eat a lot of things that contain not-obvious sodium (soups and whatnot). Now that I have the hang of the calories and exercise, it's time to focus on sodium.

It will be interesting to see next Friday's weigh-in. Doing the competition gives me accountability beyond my normal amount of, "I want to buy new jeans." Seeing my name near the top of the list would be awesome. It's my version of pushing myself harder so the person on the treadmill next to me doesn't think I'm a wuss. ;)

Also, my size 24 jeans are getting really loose in the waist. I find myself yanking them up all the time. I decided to go to Lane Bryant to see if I could put on the 22s. I was positive I couldn't, since there is NO WAY I'm a 22 yet, but I wanted to see how far they'd go.

I managed to get them on, but they wouldn't button, just like I thought. I pushed and pushed and sucked in my tummy, but there was still a three-inch gap between the button and the buttonhole. Ha! :) It was pretty funny. Anyway, even though I couldn't fasten them, which I didn't expect anyway, it was nice to see that I could get them on and that I could probably fasten them in another couple months. I thought about buying them so I could keep trying them every week (and note my progress), but LB jeans are too expensive to buy on a whim like that.

Braces: Parte the Second

My consultation for braces went very well. I love this orthodontist (Dr. Sage).

She felt around in my mouth for a bit and had me move my jaw. She introduced me to a bunch of new terms. I was pretty nervous at first because I wasn't sure what we'd need to do, but it only took her a few minutes to let me know the game plan.

I can't use Invisalign because my teeth are too crowded; however, I do not have to have my jaw broken (my main concern). So that's cool. Also, since I'm an adult, we won't be using headgear or an expander. Once you're an adult, your bones are fused, so those appliances simply do not work. I do have to have 2-4 molars extracted; she'll know for sure once she does x-rays.

I'll have to wear regular braces for at least two years. She told me adults can sometimes take a bit longer because our teeth are stubborn, unlike a child or teenager who's in the process of growing. She can give me ceramic brackets on my front, top teeth, but then the rest are metal. It's only $300 extra, so I'm going for that.

I am not this cute, but you get the idea.

The total cost is $5600. I think my insurance might cover $1000 of it, but we're both calling to check since their terms were a bit ambiguous. She recommended we both call so that if we get two different answers we can ask for more clarification. Smart lady. :)

My next appointment is May 23rd. At that appointment, she'll take panoramic x-rays and do some other things I can't remember. I think she needs to take molds, but I can't remember if that's before or after I have my extractions. Once that's all said and done and my extractions are complete, she can put on the spacers and then set me up with the actual braces.

I'm excited and nervous at the same time. My job involves a lot of phone work, but she said I shouldn't have a lisp since I won't have an expander or headgear. She did mention I might have some raw cheeks and lips for a couple of weeks until my mouth gets used to the braces, but she's going to give me some dental wax to cover any bad areas until I develop thicker skin in those areas. I may take a couple days off work to give myself time to get used to them instead of jumping into taking forty calls per day and shredding my mouth to bits.

Brent offered to help me pay for them, which was really sweet, but I don't want to take money out of his savings account. I have a flexible spending plan at work, so I'll just stick it to the feds and use that instead. ;)

Second Turbo Jam Workout

I had to skip my workout last night since our DVD player died. I got it in 2007, and it saw lots and lots of use and a few moves, so I'm surprised it lasted this long.

I went to Target and picked up a new one. By the time I got home and hooked it up, it was 11:00. I really wasn't in the mood to do something high-impact, but I didn't want to skip exercise altogether, so I went for a walk around the neighborhood since it was cool and almost-rainy. I ended up burning 438 calories, so it wasn't a total waste.

Tonight, I did Turbo Jam Cardio Party for the second time. I burned 1087 calories, just a hair over what I burned the first time. Holy cow!!! That included a water break and a couple of "fudging it" portions where I simply could not keep up with her. I know I'm only burning that many because I weigh so much, but whatever. I'll take it. Now I know why super obese people lose so much weight at first.

Anyway, I was in a crappy mood when I started the DVD, and I had to fight my bad mood all the way through. I wanted to stop and lay on my bed (since it was right there), but I made myself keep going because I have to. I just kept picturing all of the inspirational things I've saved on Pinterest. Plus, I hoped the music and movement would help my mood. Nope. :( Unfortunately, I just kept mulling everything over to the beat of the music. It's been a rough week.

Luckily, I have tomorrow "sort of" off. I say "sort of" because I have to go into work for two hours to make up some time.

I'm going to have lunch with my friend, Beth, and she's going to give me some moving boxes left over from her sister-in-law's move. Then I'm going to head into work from 1:30 - 3:30. I have an orthodontist appointment at 4:00, and it's on that end of town, so I chose those hours for a reason. Everything's going to think I'm nuts when I show up for two hours in the afternoon.

I'm excited about the orthodontist appointment. I thought it would take forever to get here, but now it's here! I really hope she proposes a treatment plan I can afford and live with. It would be nice to have straight teeth and a decent pants size in two years.

Anyway, between lunch with Beth and being proactive about getting my teeth fixed, tomorrow should be a much better day. Even with lunch, work, and the appointment, I should still have a couple hours to myself before Brent gets home from work. I cherish those hours alone because we're crammed into this tiny apartment and have absolutely zero space of our own. We move to the bigger place in 7.5 weeks. We can't wait!

Turbo Jam

I just did my first Turbo Jam workout. It's a two-disc set with five workouts. I chose "Cardio Dance" for my first, after I did the "Learn" chapter (where she runs through the basic moves). It was pretty easy to pick up, since I did a lot of Tae-Bo and hip-hop in the past, but I can see where it might move verrrrryyyyy quickly for beginners. I highly suggest going through the "Learn" chapter and some of the slower workouts first, especially because Chalene could use a little work with her timing.

The music was a remix of some popular early 90s music, so I kept laughing. It was fun working out to that stuff again.

I liked that two of her dancers did low-impact versions of the moves. If you have joint issues, you can watch them and follow what they do.

I wore my Timex heart rate monitor for the first time. It took me a little while to figure out how to get my calorie total, but once I did, I was shocked. The workout was 43 minutes long, and I burned 1053 calories! Wow! It was such a fun, quick workout that I didn't feel like I was moving that much. I'm definitely going to make this my daily workout, with some Firm Upper Body tossed in for weight training since I need to get my arms toned and prevent as little loose skin as possible. I want these bingo wings GONE once I get to my goal weight.

I'm so happy I purchased this. I'm definitely going to spoil myself and get her Turbo Fire set as soon as I have some extra cash. Turbo Fire is newer and has newer dance remixes; plus, it's a lot of the same moves, and her cues are better. I might keep doing Turbo Jam until I'm comfortable with the impact, though, as I've heard Turbo Fire is like Turbo Jam on crack.