Magenta

On an episode of "Golden Girls", Dorothy is having issues expressing how she feels. Blanche is trying to help her out, and the following dialogue ensues:

Dorothy: I wish I could explain it, but I can't. I was feeling jealous and lonely… and god knows what else…

Blanche: Magenta.

Dorothy: S’cuse me?

Blanche: Magenta. That’s what I call it when I get that way… all kinds of feelings tumbling all over themselves.

Ya know… you’re not quite blue cause you’re not really sad. And although you’re a little bit jealous, you wouldn’t say ‘you’re greeeen with envy’. And every now and then you realize you’re kinda scared… but you would hardly call yourself yella.

I hate that feeling! I just hate it. And I hate the color magenta. That’s why I named it that. Magenta.

~*~

I totally get how Dorothy feels right now. I've had one of those days where so many emotions tumble over themselves that I feel sad and exhausted. The day started on a high note (I wore my new jeans to work today), but then it got progressively worse and awkward and stupid and sad.

I'm fighting the urge to drive to TGI Friday's and eat this, my ultimate comfort food:

Instead, I took off my bra and pants so I wouldn't be tempted. I hate getting dressed once I've undressed, so it's an easy way to avoid eating 2050 calories in one sitting. (Yes, I checked.)

I keep thinking I should work out, but then I think about how I'll just be slogging through the moves, not feeling any better. Then I realize at least I'll be slogging through the moves instead of sitting on my ass like I am now. I just haven't been able to get up and do it. I think about everyone else who does it, no matter what their mood or how tired they are, and that makes me feel worse.

I think I'll do something fun, like Turbo Jam. My brain keeps saying, "It's pointless. It's pointless. It's pointless," but I know that's not true since I've been losing weight. I don't know why my head is messing with me today.

I just feel crabby.

And magenta.

Success!

In my huffy-ness about my weight today, I remembered that I always lose inches quicker than I lose weight. It's pretty apparent when I look at my back, shoulders, chest, and neck. Even my feet are less swollen than usual (thanks to all that water).

So, I decided to go to Lane Bryant and conquer those 22's. When I tried them on last time, they were a good 2-3 inches from closing. I figured I'd just go and see how much closer they were and then pick them up as motivation. My current size 24's are falling off of me, so I was kind of hoping the 22's would fit.

I put them on, and the button was at the hole but wouldn't go through. I couldn't suck it in any more, and sitting on the bench didn't help. Grrrr! I bought them as planned and figured I'd try when I got home.

As soon as I got home, I went straight to the bedroom. Brent mentioned dinner was ready, but I waved him off since I didn't want any food making my stomach even 2 cm bigger.

She's not even trying...
I put the jeans on, laid on the bed, did a little hip twist, and BAM! The button went through the hole. I zipped them up, did a couple of squats, and then walked into the living room to show off.

I have a bit of a muffin top, and bending down is kind of risky, but they fit! I sat in my recliner and tried to eat, but the waist was too tight. So, I can't wear them out and about just yet, but they're ON. I have them on (unbuttoned), hoping that they'll stretch a bit so I can wear them tomorrow. They really do fit perfectly, except for that tightness in the waist. Since LB jeans always get super loose in the waist after one day, I'm hoping they'll fit perfectly in the waist if I stretch them a bit. I'm so tired of my pants falling down, and I hate wearing belts.

I'll consider this a NSV (non-scale victory) since I couldn't even get these over my hips a couple months ago. I'm so pumped. :)

Weekly Weigh-In

I'm up .6 pounds from last week. I'm trying not to get upset since 1) Memorial Day weekend was kind of a bust, 2) I didn't get back on track until Wednesday, and 3) I didn't exercise at all this past week. (Yeah, I know.)

To be honest, I'm surprised I didn't gain more weight. It isn't even a full pound, for crying out loud, but it still makes me crazy.

Anyway, this is fairly depressing, considering I've lost every week up to this point. It was humbling when I entered my number on Thintopia. If anything, it's a wake-up call. I don't want another week like this. I want to see that scale go down, especially since I was so close to below-340 the last time I weighed in. If I'd kept up with it, I could have been at or below 340 today.

So, exercise and meal planning it is! Maybe I can get below 340 next week. :)

Tallying Up the Weekend

I was kind of scared to log my calories on MFP for the weekend. Not only because I was scared I'd gone way over, but also because I had a lot of different foods and knew it would be a pain in the ass to log every single one of them.

I had the same fear I used to when I was young and didn't have the hang of balancing my checkbook yet. Instead of wondering how screwed I was financially, I sat here and wondered how screwed I was... calorically?

Anyway, I typed and typed and typed away.

The bad news: I was 1100 calories over on Saturday. I already knew that, though.

The good news: I was 400 under on Sunday, 50 under on Monday (ha!), and dead-on yesterday (when I had a tiny binge). Today, I'm 400 under. That means I still need a deficit of 250 calories tomorrow, either through eating less or exercising. That shouldn't be too hard. :)

Monday was pretty hard to tally since I didn't have exact measurements, but I tried very hard to use what I knew of portion sizes when I filled my plate. Knowing I'd have to remember everything for my food log, I took exactly one tablespoon of each side dish and 3 ounces of various meats (3 ounces is the size of a deck of cards). I just had to remember how many tablespoons and how many decks of cards I'd eaten when I logged everything tonight.

All in all, I think I did okay. Even though I didn't get into trouble as far as calories are concerned, my nutrition was CRAP. I could tell just by the way I felt, and it was evident when I wanted to binge my face off yesterday.

Today was detox day. I had a bagel with cream cheese for breakfast, grapes and string cheese for snacks, pork and a salad with almonds for lunch, and chicken with brown rice for dinner. I'm stuffed, even though I'm 400 calories under. I drank about 52 ounces of water during work. I'm starting to feel better already. I don't want to binge, and I don't feel hot and sluggish.

I was kind of worried I'd ruined it when I felt those binge urges yesterday. It's nice to know I can shush the monster in a matter of 24 hours now. I'll just have to be much more careful the next time we go out of town. :-P

Memorial Day Weekend

I am going to be amazed if I lose weight this week. Hell, I'll be amazed if I don't gain weight this week.

I know I said I'd allow myself to enjoy Memorial Day weekend, within some boundaries, without feeling guilty, but I feel the guilt creeping up.

Or maybe that's acid reflux.

Anyway, it started with a potluck at work on Saturday. We had pulled pork, a fruit bowl, and then 82 dishes that were either high-fat or high-calorie. I tried to be careful, but I ended up 1000 calories over my daily budget. I did Turbo Jam, hoping to come up even.

On Sunday, we went to Detroit to visit my cousins. We stopped at Arby's on the way out of town, and I got a roast beef sandwich and apple slices. Okay so far. Then we went to dinner at P.F. Chang's, where I had two lettuce wraps and chicken fried rice. Again, not so bad. No exercise, but I didn't oink out.

Today, I feel like I oinked out.

I had some leftover Chinese food for lunch. Then, we went to my aunt and uncle's house for dinner. I had a couple pieces of cheese, two pepperoni rolls, a couple crackers with roasted red pepper dip, one baby back rib, a couple pieces of skinless chicken breast, cheesey potatoes (one tablespoon), two roasted potato wedges, some carrots, two bites of kielbasa, a cup of mixed fruit, one bite of key lime pie, three bites of lemonade cake, and a tablespoon of chocolate pudding. All in all, it wasn't a BAD day, but I feel like I ate so much food! I haven't eaten like that in ages, and now I feel like I have a food hangover. It was yummy, but I can't wait to get back to soup, salad, fruit, and lean meats. I can't believe I used to eat like that all the time (and my portions were much larger).

I feel like I should walk, but it's 90 degrees outside. Fail. I want to do Turbo Jam, but I still feel sick from eating too much.

I know. Excuses, excuses.

I might grab my iPod and dance. Any movement is better than none, and I don't want to overdo it in this heat. I'm also going to eat very carefully this week and be more disciplined when it comes to exercise. I have to make up for this weekend. I know I said I wouldn't feel guilty, and I don't, but it scared me how close I came to binging while there. When we got home, I wanted to grab more food. I'm not even hungry. I grabbed a huge glass of water instead.

~*~

Other than the boring food report, we had a great time this weekend. We watched "Ice Loves Coco" with my cousin, Kim, while we waited for my cousin, Tom, to get home from work. Brent laughed because we realized Coco is just like me, and Ice T is just like Brent. We definitely have extremely similar relationships! It was pretty funny. I usually don't care for reality television, but the show made me laugh, and it was interesting.

When Tom got home, we went to P.F. Chang's. I'd never been there before, but I'd heard everyone rave about it. Tom really loves their lettuce wraps, so we got some of those. I got a jasmine blackberry iced tea, which sounded delicious, but it tasted like Circus Peanuts. Yuck! Brent tried it to confirm, and said, "Holy cow. This really does taste like Circus Peanuts." The waitress was very nice and gave me a regular iced tea instead. I told her she could charge us for the yucky tea, but it wasn't on our bill.

After P.F. Chang's, we went mini-golfing. That was so much fun! I haven't been mini-golfing in many, many years. Tom and I used to go mini-golfing all the time when we were kids, so it was really cool. He and I ended up in a tie after we tallied our scores. We both got a hole-in-one too! Kim came in third, and then Brent came in last. Awwww. :( I was upset that I'd forgotten my camera. It would have been nice to have some pictures of that. One more check for the "Why I need an iPhone or Droid" list. ;)

When we got home from mini-golfing, we changed into pajamas and watched "Planes, Trains, and Automobiles". I'd forgotten how funny that movie is. I always feel bad for John Candy's character, though, especially because even though he's annoying, he's such a nice guy. He's the master of puppy dog eyes.

We didn't do anything when we got up today. We sat around and watched the Tigers play the Red Sox, and then we put on the Cubs and Padres game. The Cubs ended their 12-game losing streak, thank goodness. Brent was pretty relieved and happy.

After the barbecue at my aunt's house, we drove home. The drive was uneventful; traffic was light, and the weather was fine (just HOT and sunny). We got home around 9:30 and turned the A/C on right away.

I hope you all had a great weekend!

Memorial Day Weekend

First of all, whatever you are doing this weekend, please take a moment to reflect on and thank those brave men and women who served, fought for, and died for our country. They left behind friends and family so that we may enjoy time with our own loved ones in a free country. They made the ultimate sacrifice, and in the midst of clearance sales, barbecues, and sleeping in, the very least we can do is remember why Monday is a holiday. If you are out and about and see a veteran, please take the time to thank them for their service. Hell, give 'em a beer while you're at it.

~*~

Ahh, Memorial Day weekend. I have to work today, but I have Tuesday off to make up for it. I get a three-day weekend, just not on the three days everyone else has off. I may be in the office today, but while you're all back at work, dealing with Tuesday drudgery and playing catch-up, I'll be sleeping in. ;)

I'm not going to go hog wild this weekend (har har), but with an inability to track my calories and an unsureity of when I'll be able to exercise, I've decided to just leave it up to my willpower and current knowledge of what's Good and what's Bad.

I realized I should probably plan as best as I can, though. It would be stupid to avoid my aunt's amazing baking, my uncle's amazing barbecue, and Lafayette's amazing coneys, so I plan to do Turbo Jam tonight. We're having a potluck at work today, and I haven't eaten TOO much food, but I'm not taking any chances!

Anyway, we're leaving for Detroit tomorrow morning, and we'll be spending Sunday afternoon and evening with my cousins. There is talk of mini-golf, which means walking and moving around. I'm okay with this plan. We might walk around Greektown some too.

On Monday, we're going over to my aunt and uncle's house for a barbecue. When we get home Monday night, I can go for a walk or do Turbo Jam again (depending on how much I pig out). ;)

So I think the weekend should be okay, but it is a bit nerve-wracking not being able to have full, complete control of my food, my eating schedule, and my exercise. I've already promised myself I won't get upset if I don't lose any weight this week. If I do, then I can give myself a pat on the back for surviving a holiday weekend relatively unscathed. If not, oh well.

I deserve a fun weekend with my relatives, and if it means not losing two pounds this week, that's okay. It's all about the big picture. It doesn't mean I've fallen off the wagon. It doesn't mean I'm in the middle of a set-back. It's quality time spent with family, and that's really all that matters until I'm home and back into my routine again.

That's the difference between a lifestyle change and a crash diet. My lifestyle has to allow for family, friends, and fun while being smart about my choices; otherwise, I'm not living, and you can't have a lifestyle if you refuse to live.

Friday Weigh-In

This morning's official weigh-in: 341.8 pounds.

I'm down 1.8 pounds from last week, bringing me to an overall loss of 14.2 pounds.

341.8. The 330s are so close I can taste it. I really hope I can knock a couple pounds off this next week and get there. I feel like I've been in the 340s forever. I was up and down quite a bit while starting and stalling this weight loss, so I've been seeing 34_ on the scale for a few months. It's time to kick that stupid number off the scale forever.

A Moment of Zen

I experienced a strange, crazy moment earlier. I'm going to chalk it up to zen.

I never thought I'd reach this point. I hope this sticks around permanently, because I think it means I may have kicked (or at least curbed) my food addiction.

My net calories were around 400-500 yesterday because I didn't eat much and exercised a ton. I just wasn't very hungry. When my friend, Beth, called to ask if I wanted to have lunch and go shopping today, I figured maybe I could have a little treat or cheat day since I was so on-track.

We went to lunch at Chili's. I skipped the steak and ordered an amazing grilled chicken. It was Margarita Grilled Chicken, and it had rice and black beans on the side. According to MFP, it was 550 calories total. Awesome! It was delicious.

After we walked around the mall for a while, Beth suggested we stop at the food court for a drink. I hadn't had diet soda in about three weeks, but I wanted a slice of pizza because it sounded SO good, and I like to have soda with pizza. We went to Sbarro, I got a slice of cheese pizza and a Diet Pepsi, and then we sat down.

I patted the pizza with napkins to get the grease off and then... nothing. I took a couple bites, and I just wasn't feeling it. I didn't want it. I sipped my Diet Pepsi, and it tasted so acidic and sweet to me. Not one to waste food I've paid for, I took a couple more bites, but it just wasn't that good. Beth said I should just toss it - no sense in eating calories I don't want - but I was torn over wasting it. Finally, I tossed it. I simply DID NOT want it. It was like my brain kept refusing to enjoy it. I kept thinking about how far I've come and that the only reason I bought it was because I wanted a treat. I wasn't hungry. I just wanted it.

That was the old Sarah. To sit there, not wanting to eat that pizza, not wanting to eat empty calories I didn't even need, that's the new Sarah.

It was a total eye-opener. Even the pie at the dessert place didn't look appealing. My brain just kept saying, "That's what made you fat. That's poison."

Perhaps that's a bit extreme, and I'm sure I'll be able to enjoy food like that again, but it's nice to have a break from the endless loop of, "EAT EAT EAT EAT EAT MORE EAT MORE EAT MORE MUST EAT MUST EAT MUST EAT". That voice is finally gone.

I hope it's gone forever.

Now, I see nothing wrong with treating myself now and again. A lady at work who makes amazing cupcakes brought some in the other day, and I had one. Why on earth would I deny myself one of the best things I've ever tasted? Instead of having four, though, I had one. The old me would have had several. The new me had one, enjoyed every bite of it, and logged it on MFP so I'd know to make up for it later when I made dinner and exercised.

This is a lifestyle. It is not a diet. It is not temporary. I feel like I've finally turned that corner where habits have become ingrained. I never want to fight that urge to binge again. I hope this is permanent.

Eternal thanks to Beth for being such an inspiration to me. The reason we were shopping today is because that girl has gotten down to a size four. She started at a size 14. I am so proud of her. She's a huge help when it comes to nutrition and motivation. Someday, I hope we can go shopping for new clothes for me. I'm going to be so excited when I can wear Misses sizes again and we can shop at the same stores. She did point out that Old Navy has jeans up to size 18, so maybe that day isn't too far off. :)

Impatient

Okay, so, I know my official weigh-in is supposed to be Friday morning. I know I'm supposed to stay off the scale until then.

I got impatient, though, and decided to weigh myself this morning.

I hit 342 on the nose. I'm down 1.6 pounds since last Friday. It's not as big a loss as I was hoping for, but it's still a loss, and I still have two days before my official weigh-in. If history proves correct, that number will take a dive on Friday. (I've been weighing in heavy mid-week and then it seems to drop way down before Friday morning.)

Part of me wants to worry about it, and this is precisely the reason why they tell you not to weigh yourself every day. Weight, especially in women, can fluctuate so much over an hourly/daily period.

Anyway, even if I stay at 342 on Friday, it's still a loss. It's still less than what I weighed a week ago, two weeks ago, a month ago.

342 is very close to the 330s. I can't wait to get there. Hopefully, I can hit 339 next Friday. That's a very motivating thought. :) Just one more week, and (hopefully) I'll be out of the 340s!

Oh, Geez

The "ha ha" is on me.

I just called Direct Loans to find out why my payment went up over $200/month.

Apparently, when they sent me the notice saying, "We need your 1040 to keep you on this plan," I ignored the notice. Basically, before the notice came in the mail, I went online and re-applied for the same plan. I thought I was being pro-active by doing that. So, when I received my notice, I tossed it since I'd applied already.

If I'd read the notice, however, I would have realized I applied for the wrong plan.

My customer service rep, Dennis, was very nice and explained it happens fairly often since Income-Contingent and Income-Based are so similar. The internal English major in me said, "Yeah, except for the fact they use different words. I should have noticed."

He's going to send me another notice, which I'll reply to this time. He told me to check the box for Income-BASED Repayment. I wrote "IBR" on my notepad and laughed**. No way I can forget that now.

Once I do that, my payments will go from the doomed $347 to $185. Much, much better.

This leaves some wiggle room for braces (no pun intended), but I think I'll still wait until next year when I have the last of my medical bills paid off and I can set up my FSA.

Government: 1
Me: 0


**I do not think IBR is a laughing matter. I am sorry if you suffer from it. It just amuses me that student loans can be associated with digestive issues. How fitting.

Braces: Parte the Third

The government has decided I don't need braces.

Every year, I submit my income so they can figure out my student loan payment. I'm on the income-based plan because it's the easiest for me. My loan payments have always hovered around $120 - $140.

Last night, I got a notice stating my payments are going up to $347.

Um, what?

When I graduated, my interest rate was 2%. During the 2008 bank bail-outs, my interest rate went up to 7%. But I'm not bitter.

I got a promotion in late 2010, which meant my income for tax year 2011 was higher than previous years. It wasn't that much higher, though, and certainly not enough to warrant a $200 increase in my payment.

I plan to call them today to make sure it's correct. The code on the payment plan looked wrong, so I'm hoping it was a miscalculation on their part.

In the meantime, I've canceled my appointment for panoramic x-rays and the "before" pictures taken with the Predator Appliance**. My braces were going to cost $200/month, the exact increase in my student loan payment.

It's as if they knew.

Now, I'm not complaining about paying the loan back. It is a loan, and I knew that when I was in school. I knew I couldn't skate by on it forever. I suppose I'm just miffed that it's such a large increase after becoming accustomed to the payment going up by only $20-40 every year.

Braces aren't totally out of the picture, though. I crunched some numbers last night, and it turns out I'll be able to re-visit the idea in a year or so, once I have another loan paid off. This will also give me time to set up my FSA at work, meaning the money for my braces is taken out pre-taxes.

If the government is going to screw me, I may as well screw them right back.



**Do a Google image search for "before braces". Now do a Google image search for "Predator". See the resemblance? Or just go to my first post about braces.

Wrigley Field

Right now, I have some mini-goals set up. One of those is to get back to 314 pounds, my weight when I met Brent.

There is a very specific reason for this.

Brent and I love the Cubs. We love Chicago. We love Wrigley Field.

Wrigley Field, however, does not love me.

Wrigley Field was built lo those many years ago, when the average person was teeny tiny. The "new" seats, installed in the 1960s, are 18", and you can't raise the armrests. They are unforgiving metal armrests that allow absolutely zero wiggle room. Allowing for the armrests, the seats are 16-17" wide, and you are right on top of your neighbor.

When that first picture was taken, Brent had flown to Chicago to visit me for the first time. It was our second time meeting each other, as I'd flown to Albuquerque to visit him three months prior. We went to Wrigley Field the very next day. The seats were tight, so I sat sort of on the edge of the seat and turned toward him a little, much like I'm sitting in that picture.

When we went back to Wrigley last September, I was 356 pounds. I didn't think anything of it. I figured I'd just sit on the edge of the seat again.

Wrong.

Because I had extra weight in my hips and butt - 42 extra pounds - I couldn't sit as far back as I had during that first game. I had to sit so far forward, my knees were digging into the cup rests on the backs of the seats ahead of us. Plus, it was killing my left knee to sit like that, and it was already in pain from being so heavy. I could barely get up from a sitting position at that weight.

Brent suggested we move down so I could sit in the aisle seat and stretch my leg out. It worked perfectly until the bottom of the sixth inning, when some latecomers came to claim their seats. They told us they thought the game started at 3:00, not 1:00. (Seriously?!?) So, we moved back to our original seats in the middle of the row.

Some girls had just sat down in front of us, and I realized I'd be hovering right above them, creeper-style, since I had to sit so far forward. I didn't want to breathe down their necks for the rest of the game. So, Brent located some aisle seats way back near the top of the deck. I was so upset about everything that I cried through the rest of the game. I felt horrible. Ashamed. You think that would have been the last straw, right?

Obviously not. It took me another six months to get my butt in gear, so to speak.

Which brings us to this post.

My dad has always wanted to go to Wrigley Field. I'm very excited to bring my dad to Wrigley. I know how much he's going to love it. We're going to drink Old Style, eat cheesy pretzel bites and hot dogs, and watch some ball. It's going to be a great summer afternoon with my dad and my boyfriend. I can't wait.

We decided on July 14, as the Arizona Diamondbacks are playing in Chicago that weekend. Kirk Gibson is their manager now, and my dad thought it would be cool to see a former Tiger at Wrigley, especially since we have fond memories of seeing him at Tiger Stadium when I was a kid.

If you have no idea who that is, do you remember this picture from the 1984 World Series? That's "Gibby", after he hit his home run that clinched the World Series for the Tigers.

Anyway, this means I have until July 14 to get back down to 314 pounds. I'm sure the seats will be fine even if I only get to 320, but I know for a fact they'll be fine if I get down to 314. I'm 343 as of a quick weigh-in this morning, so that means I have seven weeks and five days to lose 29 pounds. That's an average of 3.7 pounds per week. Right now, I'm losing about 2.6 pounds per week, so I would have to increase my exercise by a few hours per week. Getting to 320 would be the more attainable (and safe) goal, of course. At my current pace, I'll be around 323 that day, so if I step it up, I could easily see 320 or a bit less.

Either way, whether it's 314, 320, or 323, I'm going to be in much better condition than I was when I weighed 356 pounds and had a tendonitis in both knees and plantar fasciitis in my left foot.

Just like the Cubs, I need to step up my game.

Speed Reading

I started reading when I was just shy of three years old. I picked it up immediately and never had any learning issues. My vocabulary and spelling skills expanded just as rapidly. When I started kindergarten, I was bored out of my mind. My teacher - and I'll always love her for this - decided to test me instead of dismissing me as some kid with ADD. I'm so glad I started school before doctors started drugging children.

Anyway.

After administering some tests, which I honestly don't remember, she determined I could read and spell at the fifth grade level. No wonder I was bored!

My parents told me I could start in the first grade right away. I'd only been in kindergarten for three weeks. I liked it because it was fun, but it really did seem baby-ish. I clearly remember being bored out of my mind when she had all of us come up, in order, to use the pointer and point at all of the differently-colored elephants around the room. When you pointed at an elephant, you had to state which color it was. Many of the kids struggled, but some did okay. I was sick and tired of waiting for my turn. This was so easy! Finally, she handed me the pointer, and (probably to prove a point) I ran all around the perimeter of the room yelling, "Orange! Red! Yellow! Green! Blue! Purple! Black! Grey! Brown! White!" while I slapped the pointer on each elephant.

That was kindergarten to me. Endless days of waiting for everyone to figure it out and wishing we could MOVE ON.

Moving to the first grade had its pros and cons. I was finally learning new things, and I felt like I was on an even keel with my classmates. Unfortunately, the teacher kept making a huge deal about how smart I was and said things like, "Did you hear Sarah read that? That's how I want all of you to read. Catch up!" The fact she was a 132-year old nun probably didn't help matters. Nuns don't have filters. I won every classroom spelling bee, and (as you can imagine) all of the kids hated me. I had very few friends. I started losing spelling bees on purpose, just so they wouldn't tease me anymore. I tried to blend into the background as much as possible. I stopped raising my hand.

Fast forward a couple years. Now I'm into paperbacks, and I'm finishing them at lightning speed. My dad kept saying, "How can you even enjoy the story? Do you even remember anything? Slow down and enjoy the book." It was more out of disbelief than criticism. My dad was very proud of me; in fact, he's the one who taught me how to read. We used to go to the library all the time when I first started reading, and he made a game out of reading words backwards. I thought it was just fun and silly, but he was actually teaching me how to sound things out rather than memorizing the way words look.

This continued into adulthood. I still finish books at a breakneck pace. Sometimes, I wish I didn't. I'd love to savor a book for a few days. I'm always so sad when I look forward to getting a new book, only to have it finished in a few hours.

I found this test on someone's Facebook today. I scored 1257 words per minute.

How did you do?

Source: Staples eReader Department

New House

I am so excited.

We move into our new house in six weeks.

SIX WEEKS

It's actually more of a duplex, since it's the entire top level of a huge historic home, but I think of it as a house because we have front and rear entrances, and it's 1700 square feet. (It's bigger than some of my friends' houses.)

Things that are squee-worthy:

- The square footage
- Formal dining room (it's big enough for roller skating)
- Fireplace in the living room
- Brent will have an office
- Normal size refrigerator/freezer, which means I can finally cook for real
- Basement w/ storage and laundry
- Two-car garage
- Two porches
- Winding staircase in the front; servents' staircase in the back (original to the house - our
bedroom is off that staircase, and it used to be the maid's room)
- House was built in 1853
- Instead of overhead lights in each room, we have electric candalabras on the wall. The dining room has a chandelier in the same style.
- BIG windows
- Radiators for heat = low heating bill
- No more yetis above us
- No more noisy neighbor next to us (he wakes us up with a lawn mower, leaf blower, edge
trimmer, and whatnot almost every day)
- No more noisy neighbors coming in and out at all hours
- Youngstown style kitchen sink (the picture below is an example)

Weekly Weigh-In

This is a Thai highway sign. I think it looks cool.

Woohoo! The scale was being finicky all week, to the point I actually panicked last night and called it a "dirty, lying whore", but it came through for me today.

I ended up weighing myself five times because I simply couldn't believe it. I'm down 2.8 pounds from last week, to 343.6, putting me at a two-week total of 5.4 pounds and an overall total of 12.4 pounds.

I need to start measuring inches too, since I can tell my clothes are fitting a lot better. My jeans need a belt, and they're a bit baggy in the thighs. I still can't get into the next size, though, so I'll try again in a few weeks.

Seeing that number drop to 343.6 after being "stuck" around 346 all week gave me a huge confidence boost. If I can lose just a teeny bit more during this next week, I'll hit 340. That's SO close to the 330s I can taste it. I can't wait to get into the 330s because then my first mini-goal will be within reach (331 = 25 pounds lost).

Yay! :)

Thintopia

This is our group image. Isn't he smexy?

I joined a Thintopia competition with some other ladies. I was a bit nervous, since I haven't really been tracking my progress as I get accustomed to the calorie-counting and exercising. I could feel changes in my body, but I didn't think my weight had changed all that much since that last drop over the winter.

The weigh-in day is Friday, so I weighed myself last Friday, and I was 349 pounds (down from 356 on January 18). When I weighed myself this Friday, I was pretty nervous. I wasn't sure if I'd see much of a change within a week, especially because, at this weight, it's hard to tell.

My weight was 346. I lost three pounds! It feels like a drop in the bucket, but I'll take every pound I can get. Soon, it will be three more pounds, then three more, then three more... And this past week wasn't hard at all. I was pretty casual about my eating instead of overly-careful, and I rested one night instead of exercising. If I really stepped up my game, I bet I could lose more, but part of me wants to stay in that 3 pound/week range so I don't get too much loose skin.

I know I need to bring my sodium down. I drink a lot of water, but I could stand to cut the sodium even more and drink more water and green tea. Sometimes I wonder if I'd lose a bit more if I didn't retain so much water. My feet are puffy more often than not, and my rings are usually tight. I don't like salt, so I don't eat salty foods, but I'm sure I eat a lot of things that contain not-obvious sodium (soups and whatnot). Now that I have the hang of the calories and exercise, it's time to focus on sodium.

It will be interesting to see next Friday's weigh-in. Doing the competition gives me accountability beyond my normal amount of, "I want to buy new jeans." Seeing my name near the top of the list would be awesome. It's my version of pushing myself harder so the person on the treadmill next to me doesn't think I'm a wuss. ;)

Also, my size 24 jeans are getting really loose in the waist. I find myself yanking them up all the time. I decided to go to Lane Bryant to see if I could put on the 22s. I was positive I couldn't, since there is NO WAY I'm a 22 yet, but I wanted to see how far they'd go.

I managed to get them on, but they wouldn't button, just like I thought. I pushed and pushed and sucked in my tummy, but there was still a three-inch gap between the button and the buttonhole. Ha! :) It was pretty funny. Anyway, even though I couldn't fasten them, which I didn't expect anyway, it was nice to see that I could get them on and that I could probably fasten them in another couple months. I thought about buying them so I could keep trying them every week (and note my progress), but LB jeans are too expensive to buy on a whim like that.

Braces: Parte the Second

My consultation for braces went very well. I love this orthodontist (Dr. Sage).

She felt around in my mouth for a bit and had me move my jaw. She introduced me to a bunch of new terms. I was pretty nervous at first because I wasn't sure what we'd need to do, but it only took her a few minutes to let me know the game plan.

I can't use Invisalign because my teeth are too crowded; however, I do not have to have my jaw broken (my main concern). So that's cool. Also, since I'm an adult, we won't be using headgear or an expander. Once you're an adult, your bones are fused, so those appliances simply do not work. I do have to have 2-4 molars extracted; she'll know for sure once she does x-rays.

I'll have to wear regular braces for at least two years. She told me adults can sometimes take a bit longer because our teeth are stubborn, unlike a child or teenager who's in the process of growing. She can give me ceramic brackets on my front, top teeth, but then the rest are metal. It's only $300 extra, so I'm going for that.

I am not this cute, but you get the idea.

The total cost is $5600. I think my insurance might cover $1000 of it, but we're both calling to check since their terms were a bit ambiguous. She recommended we both call so that if we get two different answers we can ask for more clarification. Smart lady. :)

My next appointment is May 23rd. At that appointment, she'll take panoramic x-rays and do some other things I can't remember. I think she needs to take molds, but I can't remember if that's before or after I have my extractions. Once that's all said and done and my extractions are complete, she can put on the spacers and then set me up with the actual braces.

I'm excited and nervous at the same time. My job involves a lot of phone work, but she said I shouldn't have a lisp since I won't have an expander or headgear. She did mention I might have some raw cheeks and lips for a couple of weeks until my mouth gets used to the braces, but she's going to give me some dental wax to cover any bad areas until I develop thicker skin in those areas. I may take a couple days off work to give myself time to get used to them instead of jumping into taking forty calls per day and shredding my mouth to bits.

Brent offered to help me pay for them, which was really sweet, but I don't want to take money out of his savings account. I have a flexible spending plan at work, so I'll just stick it to the feds and use that instead. ;)

Second Turbo Jam Workout

I had to skip my workout last night since our DVD player died. I got it in 2007, and it saw lots and lots of use and a few moves, so I'm surprised it lasted this long.

I went to Target and picked up a new one. By the time I got home and hooked it up, it was 11:00. I really wasn't in the mood to do something high-impact, but I didn't want to skip exercise altogether, so I went for a walk around the neighborhood since it was cool and almost-rainy. I ended up burning 438 calories, so it wasn't a total waste.

Tonight, I did Turbo Jam Cardio Party for the second time. I burned 1087 calories, just a hair over what I burned the first time. Holy cow!!! That included a water break and a couple of "fudging it" portions where I simply could not keep up with her. I know I'm only burning that many because I weigh so much, but whatever. I'll take it. Now I know why super obese people lose so much weight at first.

Anyway, I was in a crappy mood when I started the DVD, and I had to fight my bad mood all the way through. I wanted to stop and lay on my bed (since it was right there), but I made myself keep going because I have to. I just kept picturing all of the inspirational things I've saved on Pinterest. Plus, I hoped the music and movement would help my mood. Nope. :( Unfortunately, I just kept mulling everything over to the beat of the music. It's been a rough week.

Luckily, I have tomorrow "sort of" off. I say "sort of" because I have to go into work for two hours to make up some time.

I'm going to have lunch with my friend, Beth, and she's going to give me some moving boxes left over from her sister-in-law's move. Then I'm going to head into work from 1:30 - 3:30. I have an orthodontist appointment at 4:00, and it's on that end of town, so I chose those hours for a reason. Everything's going to think I'm nuts when I show up for two hours in the afternoon.

I'm excited about the orthodontist appointment. I thought it would take forever to get here, but now it's here! I really hope she proposes a treatment plan I can afford and live with. It would be nice to have straight teeth and a decent pants size in two years.

Anyway, between lunch with Beth and being proactive about getting my teeth fixed, tomorrow should be a much better day. Even with lunch, work, and the appointment, I should still have a couple hours to myself before Brent gets home from work. I cherish those hours alone because we're crammed into this tiny apartment and have absolutely zero space of our own. We move to the bigger place in 7.5 weeks. We can't wait!

Turbo Jam

I just did my first Turbo Jam workout. It's a two-disc set with five workouts. I chose "Cardio Dance" for my first, after I did the "Learn" chapter (where she runs through the basic moves). It was pretty easy to pick up, since I did a lot of Tae-Bo and hip-hop in the past, but I can see where it might move verrrrryyyyy quickly for beginners. I highly suggest going through the "Learn" chapter and some of the slower workouts first, especially because Chalene could use a little work with her timing.

The music was a remix of some popular early 90s music, so I kept laughing. It was fun working out to that stuff again.

I liked that two of her dancers did low-impact versions of the moves. If you have joint issues, you can watch them and follow what they do.

I wore my Timex heart rate monitor for the first time. It took me a little while to figure out how to get my calorie total, but once I did, I was shocked. The workout was 43 minutes long, and I burned 1053 calories! Wow! It was such a fun, quick workout that I didn't feel like I was moving that much. I'm definitely going to make this my daily workout, with some Firm Upper Body tossed in for weight training since I need to get my arms toned and prevent as little loose skin as possible. I want these bingo wings GONE once I get to my goal weight.

I'm so happy I purchased this. I'm definitely going to spoil myself and get her Turbo Fire set as soon as I have some extra cash. Turbo Fire is newer and has newer dance remixes; plus, it's a lot of the same moves, and her cues are better. I might keep doing Turbo Jam until I'm comfortable with the impact, though, as I've heard Turbo Fire is like Turbo Jam on crack.

An Emo Moment

I am having an emo moment.

I have been working very hard to track every single piece of food or drop of liquid that goes in my mouth. I have been working very hard at exercising.

Last night, I found some pictures of me that were taken in 2004. I weighed around 290 pounds. When I looked at them, I realized I don't look much different than I do now. Yes, I'm a little smaller, but I still look disgustingly fat. I realized that even if I lose another fifty pounds, I'm still going to look gross. In my mind, I looked okay at 290, but it appears those memories were rose-colored, as most memories are.

It made me sigh. It made me want to cry. I need to work my ass off for another fifty pounds, only to continue to be so heavy it's comical? Faaaaabulous.

To make myself feel better, I started looking for pictures of me at weights slightly under that. I dug up some pictures of me at 265 (summer 2008). Those pictures are better. I'm still heavy through the hips/thighs, but I've lost a lot of fat off my arms and belly. You can also see the bone structure in my face again. I don't have the huge, "moon face". So, right now, 265 is my primary goal - not the ultimate goal, the primary goal. I wasn't HUGE at 265, just fat.

I have 75 pounds to go, and I'm scared. It just feels so far away. It will feel GREAT to get back to 314 (when I met Brent), and then it will feel AWESOME when I get under 300 and finally have a "2" in front of my weight,  but it's sad to know I won't be HAPPY until I'm 265.

Given my progress, that will be around Halloween. It will be nice to look so much better before we visit Brent's family at Thanksgiving, but urrrrggghhhh... I just really need some positivity right now. I'm not going to give up; I just feel like this particular hill is going to take forever. If I can just get to 265, I will be so happy. Anything after that is gravy. I just want this so badly.

It just occurred to me that if I get to 265 around Halloween, I could be 260 by Thanksgiving. That will mean I'll have lost 96 pounds since I last saw his family at Christmas. How impressive would that be, to be almost 100 pounds lighter? :)

Hunger Games, an Ex, and a Walk

I finally got to test my new shoes tonight, but first, I feel a need to post about my day.

I saw The Hunger Games this afternoon. I can't believe it took me this long to see it! I read the trilogy when the movie was released, but then I just kept putting it off and forgetting.

Last night, Brent and I saw Cabin in the Woods (fabulous), and I saw the posters for The Hunger Games. I made note of the show times and decided to go this afternoon.

I loved it! It was mostly true to the book, and the little changes they made were necessary to keep it from being too confusing. I thought it was cast quite well. Effie was awesome. :)

When I got home, I posted a status update on Facebook about how much I enjoyed the movie but didn't enjoy the woman in front of me, who thought it necessary to spoil and comment on every. little. thing. Luckily, I'd read the books, but the people around us might not have. I shushed her a couple of times before finally moving to another seat a couple of rows away. No biggie. I was on the end and moved to another end seat, so nobody was disturbed.

Anyway, my ex-boyfriend, who I hadn't talked to since last summer, decided to pop up and say I should have gotten a manager, blah blah blah. I told him it wasn't worth it since I didn't want to miss any of the movie; plus, it was super easy to just change seats. No harm, no foul.

He continued to argue with me about how I wasn't being "proactive", and so on. I got so angry that Brent had to come over and rub my hands so I wouldn't spout all of the hatred and vitriol I'd wanted to spout while I was dating this jerk and after he broke up with me. The only reason he's remained on my friends list is because we have a lot of mutual friends and it just wasn't worth the drama. He's been slowly losing a lot of those friends, but I still didn't want to be the one to make the first move to drop him.

Well, I dropped him. I realized I wasn't going to get anywhere just sitting there letting him have access to my Facebook, and I knew how hard it would be for me to hold back. So, rather than tempt myself, and to make his existence a little less obvious, I de-friended him and then went a step further and blocked him.

It felt SO GOOD. I can't believe I didn't do it sooner.

Anyway, I still couldn't calm down, so I decided to go for a walk. After he broke up with me, I went for lots and lots and lots of walks because he made me so angry, and the fallout was even worse. I lost about forty pounds that summer doing nothing but walking (I was still eating like I always do; the exercise was the only adjustment I made to my daily routine). There were some nights I'd walk for 2-3 hours, until I was so sore and spent I practically crawled home.

So, tonight, I went for one of those walks. I turned up my iPod, blasted some angry music, and walked. I walked a lot faster and farther than I usually do, and that's after a long period of not walking. (I've been focusing on upper body workouts to save my knees.) I was surprised and impressed, but I kept moving instead of questioning it. I'm sure the new shoes were a big part of it. I'm so pleased! My legs got tired before my feet, which hasn't happened since that summer in 2008 when I walked the anger away.

Anger is a big motivator for me to exercise, since it's the "safe" way to release it (compared to driving or punching something). I don't want to get angry 4-5 times per week, so I need to find something that can propel me out of my recliner just as easily.

Braces!

In this quest to re-shape my body, I've also decided to re-shape my teeth. May as well be the fat kid in braces for two years and have all the ugly gone ASAP, right? ;)

My family couldn't afford to put me in braces when I was a teenager, and then I couldn't afford them when I was in college and just starting out in the career world. Now that I have a good job with an awesome insurance plan, I can finally afford them. Also, my wonderful boyfriend, Brent, has offered to kick in some money toward them if they end up being over my budget. Isn't that sweet?

I have an appointment on May 9th. Dr. Sage is going to look at my teeth and the way I bite and then give me my treatment options/costs.

If I decide to go ahead with it, we'll set up a second appointment for me to come in for full-mouth X-rays, molds, pictures, etc. This is also where we'd work out a payment plan, taking my insurance and FSA into account. I'm so excited!

I figure it will take just under two years to get to my goal weight, and most braces take 2 - 2.5 years to do their job, hence the "ugly duckling" joke earlier. It's kind of crazy to think I'll be 37 before I'm finally happy with my body and looks, but it's better late than never.

I've been self-conscious of my teeth for as long as I can remember. I hate when I see pictures tagged on Facebook, and I catch myself getting envious every time I see everyone else's pictures, where everyone has straight, perfect teeth. It's been practically an obsession for years and years, because unlike being heavy, I hardly ever see anyone with crooked teeth. My friends were either blessed with good genetics or had braces when they were teenagers.

Cool Thing - Braces nowadays are much smaller than they were back then, so you don't get the train track effect. Dr. Sage also offers clear ceramic brackets, and the wires are so thin you can barely see them. I doubt I can have them put on the back of my teeth or go with Invisalign since I have such severe crowding issues, but I don't mind. I'm just so happy they'll be fixed!

I'm really looking forward to doing the "Before" pictures. The appliance they use to hold your mouth open reminds me of Predator.



So, yes, I'm stoked. Brent thinks I'm crazy because he hated every second he was in braces, but I think it's different when your parents force you to do something and when you do something because you want to.

50% Is Better Than 0%

I did The Firm again tonight, but I totally hit a dead stop about halfway through. I don't know what happened. I was hydrated. I wasn't too hot. I didn't use any heavy weights. I just could not move. I tried to do some half-hearted squats with no weight, just to keep my heart rate up, but my heart was pounding and I felt like I was going to keel over. It wasn't the normal fatigue you feel when exercising, or even the lactic acid build-up; it was just... "I am finished."

Now I'm sitting in my recliner with some water, feeling my heart rate come down. I could go do the last half of the tape, but Brent is going to bed soon. I might go for a walk since it's nice and cool outside and I didn't get to move my legs much.

I tallied my calories for the day, and even if I don't count the exercise, I'm still under my goal by about 600 calories. So I guess it's still a win. 20 minutes of exercise is better than none, and I'm still on track as far as calories are concerned. I just feel like such a wuss for sitting down after 20 minutes. Good thing I ate like a bird today. :-P

My brain was sorting through a lot of thoughts while I was trying to pay attention to the instructors, so maybe that dead stop was a sign I need to get out and walk. I love listening to my iPod while I walk around our neighborhood at night. There are a lot of old, historic homes dating back to the mid-1800s. In fact, the house we're about to move into was built in 1856.

So, off I go to sort and walk and sort some more.

Firm!

I just did this workout for the first time since 1997. It was as awesome and as horrible as I remember. ;)

I used to do this tape 2-3 times per week (alternating with the other Firm tapes) because it is my absolute favorite. It's short and intense at 42 minutes, rather than long and grueling at 60+ minutes like the other Firm tapes from that "season".

Anyway, I was pleased that all the old moves came back to me so easily. I even remembered ahead of her instructions, so I was ready to switch before she announced the next move. By the end of the tape, I was doing everything in that "zombie state" you achieve when muscle memory takes over, sort of like attending Catholic Mass after five years of sinner-hood.

Just follow along with the old folks if you get lost

I kind of feel like death, but not as death-y as I thought I would. My arms are definitely going to scream at me tomorrow, though, and my quads are right there with them. I was very well behaved, though, and took it easy.

You know how, at the beginning of the video, they always say, "Beginners, no weights," and, "Try to aim for 50% of the exercises your first time through."?

LISTEN TO THEM

Every time I started a workout in the past, I would use the recommended weights right away and aim for doing 100% of the exercises like a champ, no matter how awful I felt after six out of eighteen reps. The result was usually knees that felt like I'd stuck barbed wire in them and an inability to lift my arms up high enough to wash my hair. I'd whine and force my way through this until my body was conditioned enough to do it with only a little bit of pain, at which point I'd rock star it up and push myself to use weights that were too heavy all over again.

Sigh.

This time, I was careful. Back then, I was 25 and weighed 230 pounds. With age comes maturity, I suppose. I'm 35 and weigh 350 pounds now; the last thing I need is a blown knee or a slipped disc. I decided to listen to the nice instructors and pace myself. I was able to do 80-100% of the exercises, but I put in 50% of the effort. Instead of lunging until my back knee touched the floor, I dipped until my knee was 50% of the way. Instead of doing 40 french presses, I did 20. Also, I did use some weight, but it was about 30-50% of the recommended weight. I used 3-pound hand weights for most of the 10-pound exercises, and I didn't use any weight when they called for 3-5 pounds.

I'm proud of myself. Since I didn't push myself, I'm not dreading the next workout. Also, I'm mature enough to realize 1) any movement is good, 2) this will help me lose weight, even though I'm not doing 100% of the workout yet, and 3) my heart rate was consistently in the fat-burning zone, so even though I didn't workout like a champ, I'll still reap the benefits. By combining weights with aerobics, I'll still get the results I want (i.e. added muscle, not just fat-burning). Muscle helps burn fat/calories, so it's a win-win.

Ahhhh... here come the endorphins. I love this feeling. :)

All Caught Up

Now that I'm reasonably caught up on sleep and in a much better mood, I've noticed my eating has reflected it. I've stopped binging and eating crap, thank goodness. Now I just have to deal with the damage. I gained three pounds back. :(

Brent just rescued the VCR from the storage closet so I can hook it up in the bedroom. My Firm workouts are in VHS format (heh), and until I can order the DVDs from Amazon sellers, I need to use the tapes. I don't mind being old school. If it works, it works. The problem is we're running out of room on our dresser. Currently, it's holding the TV, Brent's alarm clock, the secondary DVR, and the DVD player. I have no idea where I'm going to put the VCR. :-P

I'll update after I Firm. I have a feeling I'm going to want to die, so I'm doing the time-crunch (40-minute) workout instead of the full-on, kill-me-now 60-minute workout.

~*~

In other news, I've been scanning old photos I found at my parents' house so I can have back-ups in case of fire/flood. Seeing all of these old high school pictures is sort of depressing because I remember feeling super fat back then and used to put my hands over my stomach in pictures. I wasn't fat at ALL. My fingers are practically bony, and you can see my cheekbones and collar bones. I was a size 12 and then a 14 when my hips finished developing. I have a cute, tiny waist and a great shape. I do have what I call "softball thighs", because I carry my weight in my lower body, but I was by no means fat. I wish I could go back in time and lecture everyone who made me feel gross and chubby. I was only 15 pounds overweight for most of high school. That is, by no means, a death sentence like they made it out to be.

Anyway, as depressing as some of those pictures were (because I miss being that size), they were also an inspiration. Now I KNOW that if I can get back to a 14, or even a 16 or 18, I'll be super cute and love myself again. It's hard to love myself right now because I've really destroyed my body. True, I've caught it before I developed heart disease or diabetes, but I'm still very upset with myself. It also sucks that I worry about going to new restaurants and such because my first thought is, "Will I fit in the chairs?" I've never had to worry about that before, and it colors every plan we make. I find it hard to get excited about experiencing things because I'm so scared I won't fit in the seats. There is no way to comprehend this feeling unless you've  ever had to excuse yourself from a theatre, restaurant, ballpark, amusement park, etc because you couldn't sit in the seats. It's humiliating.

So, I'm keeping a few pictures out as reminders. I'm going to tape them to the corners of the TV I use for my Firm workouts so I have a vision in mind. I also want to remember that I didn't always look/feel like this, that I was once "normal".

Weight Loss and Sleep

You know how everyone tells you a good night's sleep is key to helping with weight loss?

Believe them. It's true.

I've been a cranky pig all week because I haven't slept well since last Wednesday.

Background: Brent snores. A lot. It's due to stress, not sleep apnea, weight gain, smoking, etc. It's simply stress. I usually sleep in the spare bed because if I sleep in our bed, he wakes me up at least 5-6 times per night, and I, in turn, wake him up to get him to roll over and breathe normally. Rinse. Repeat. Since neither of us get any rest when we sleep together, I just sleep in the spare bed.

As you can imagine, neither of us particularly like this solution because we miss sleeping next to each other (and we just bought a nice king-size bed last summer, so it's a waste of nearly $1000). So, every so often, I climb into bed with him and prepare for a night of no sleep.

I slept in the bed last Wednesday and Thursday night, and then we went to my parents' on Friday. I woke up early on Saturday for the Easter Egg Hunt with my nieces, and then I got up early to go to church with my dad on Easter Sunday. We came home, and I slept in our bed again Monday night and Tuesday night.

Miiiistake.

I was at my wit's end all day Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday. I snapped at co-workers and friends. I was impatient with customers. I ate WAY too much junk food. I even drank some regular soda, which I can't stand now that I've switched to Crystal Light and the occasional diet soda. I'm bloated, as a result, and I'm sure I've gained a couple of pounds. I don't even want to get on the scale. I also haven't exercised, and to top it all off, I got into a fight with Brent last night.

Oy.

So, last night, in the interest of saving my relationship and not losing my job (or friends), I slept in the spare bed. I didn't fully catch up on sleep, but I can already feel a HUGE difference today. I ate a good breakfast, I've been pleasant, my head is clear, and I apologized to Brent and gave him a calm, English version of my current issues instead of the psycho-screamy-meme version.

I don't know how new parents live without sleep. :-P This is reason #127 we don't want kids. We'd be divorced in no time due to my mood swings when I'm sleep-deprived.

Anyway, it's time to admit I simply cannot sleep with him during the week. Weekends will be our compromise, since it doesn't matter if I don't get much sleep (and he isn't stressed as much on weekends, so the snoring is at a minimum).

I can't wait to move into the new place (11 weeks!). Right now, the spare bed is in our living room and looks super ghetto. The new place has two bedrooms, so the spare bed will have a home.

On a slightly-related note, my waist is smaller, but the fat seems to have moved to my chin/neck. GAH!!! I hope it's just bloating from the crappy diet I've had this week and not actual weight gain in my chin. I didn't notice it before this morning, so please please please let it be sodium.

New Shoes

I got my new shoes in the mail today. They're New Balance, style WW860. I absolutely love them. I haven't taken them out for a test walk yet, but I can already tell they're going to be 10x more awesome than my previous shoes.

Image courtesy of New Balance

I've been walking around the house with them, and I can feel a lot more support in my heel/arch. There's also plenty of room for gel inserts, but not so much room that my foot is sliding around. I'm excited to see how they hold up in Chicago.

Reviews on Amazon said they run narrow, but I'm not feeling that at all. I wear a wide width in fitness shoes, so I ordered "wide" and decided to take the chance. These border on being too wide, to the point I'm wondering if the regular width would fit better. I think some of those people who bought regular width simply don't want to admit they should have ordered wide width. ;) Anyway, I'm going to keep the wide since I'd rather have a little bit of wiggle room to allow for days my feet swell.

I got the pink/grey, which I didn't realize was the Susan G. Komen version until I looked inside and saw all the little pink ribbons on the sole. I have mixed feelings about this, since I'm still upset over all that tomfoolery they pulled with Planned Parenthood several months ago. On the other hand, some of the money went to charity, so that's cool. No, I don't like the charity owners, but I do support breast cancer awareness/treatment, so there you have the mixed bag.

It also comes in blue/white, but I like the pink/silver so much better.

FWIW, they're $89.99 + shipping on the New Balance site, but I got them for $64.99 w/ free Super Saver shipping on Amazon. :)

Omron Fat Loss Monitor

A few days ago, I wrote about purchasing a fat loss monitor that would calculate my BMI and body fat percentage.

I received it today. It's lightweight and very easy to use. I programmed in my height, weight, age, activity level, and gender. Then, I followed the instructions, and it calculated my BMI and fat percentage.

Well, almost.

It says it will calculate body fat up to 50%. It gave me the reading E4. When I looked up the error code, it said "reading outside measurable range". :-/

Okaaaay. I'm not going to let that get me down because I know I'm superfat, and now I simply have a new goal (get to a low enough weight to get the machine to cough up 50% or lower). I guess it just surprised me that I'm over 50% fat. Eek. Talk about a wake-up call. According to everything I've read, my body fat percentage should be less than 30%. Looks like I have a long way to go. I just wish it would have given me a number so I know how far I am above 50%.

My BMI was 54. This is no surprise, considering that's the number I get when I calculate it online. Since I have to enter my weight into the machine every time it changes, I'm not sure if it's simply calculating based on what I input or if it uses my fat percentage as some kind of variable?

Anyway, it's a neat little machine, and I recommend it to anyone who is trying to get to a lower body fat percentage and/or increase muscle.

Easter Weekend

Thankfully, I don't care for sweets; otherwise, Easter weekend would have been a nightmare.

We drove up north with two dozen Sweetwater donuts (they are a famous donut shop in Kalamazoo) and two loaves of Asiago cheese bread from Panera. That bread is like crack, especially toasted with a little butter, so that went into the trunk. I almost put the donuts in the trunk because Brent was whining all the way up north because I wouldn't let him have one. I wanted to save them for my parents, since I got all different kinds and wanted them to have first pick. So we stopped in Reed City for gas, and Brent got a donut from the gas station. :-P

Anyway, my parents had all kinds of good food: ham, Polish sausage, eggs, potatoes, sweet potatoes, rolls, veggies, and no desserts (since I'd brought the donuts, Mom decided not to bake). I ended up eating a lot of meat and veggies. Dad gave me a portion of the ham before he put the honey glaze all over it, and I tried to limit the potatoes and eat lots of mixed veggies. I love veggies, but it was hard not to tear into that bowl of mashed potatoes. My sister-in-law makes *amazing* mashed potatoes.

They also had a ton of candy lying around, but I avoided it. I'm not much of a candy person anyway, but I am a grazer, so I'll often pick up food even if it's not something I really want or care for. I just made sure to stay away from the candy dishes, which was pretty easy since I was chasing my niece everywhere. She's almost three and super hyper. :)

Of course, when I got to work today, my boss put three boxes of Girl Scout cookies on my desk. I had forgotten about ordering them back in February. Oops. I have two boxes of Thin Mints and one box of Samoas. Brent LOVES Thin Mints, so I put those in my car right away so I wouldn't be tempted. He likes them frozen, so they'll go into the freezer and out of sight. I also have a box of Samoas. He doesn't like coconut, so I had a couple of them as a snack and then put the box in my desk. I figure I can have a couple every so often as a treat since I don't normally treat myself during the week.

The fat monitor I ordered was supposed to arrive from UPS today. I hope it's there when I get home. I'm going to start Firming this week (that's what I call "using Firm DVDs"), so we'll see how much quicker this weight comes off. I always had good luck with those DVDs in the past. Now that all of the walking has me in better condition, the DVDs won't be so hard. My knees gave me a lot of trouble in the past, but I noticed I can get up and down from the floor without too many issues now. I feel better about squat-presses and lunges than I did a few months ago.

I also have some new shoes on the way. They're New Balance with crazy arch support, so I'm sure those will help quite a bit too. Brent and I love going to Chicago, but my arches always die by mid-day. Hopefully, the new shoes plus some gel inserts do the trick.

Fat Facts

I just bought this from Amazon. It's an electric fat loss monitor.

Back in the day, when I weighed around 300 pounds and went to Curves religiously, they used a similar machine to calculate my fat percentage. What we noticed, as I lost a little over forty pounds, is that I tend to weigh "heavy". My BMI was always a couple of points under the paper-and-pencil version where you use your height and weight as the only calculations. The lady at Curves said that sometimes happens if you have a larger build (me) and dense muscle (also me). I'm not sure how accurate her statement was, but it was nice to see my body fat percentage wasn't as awful as we'd predicted it would be, and the resulting BMI was high but not as high as I thought it would be.

Anyway, remembering that inspired me to order this product. Since the scale can go up, down, left, right, and whirlygig on any given day, I think this will be a more accurate measurement of my progress. I'm going to use it in addition to weighing myself. That way, if my weight doesn't budge but my fat percentage goes down, I'll be happy instead of mopey. Similarly, if my weight goes down but my fat percentage doesn't budge, I know it's probably water weight or the scale being freaky.

I'm excited to receive it, measure myself, and post the results.

About Us

While the focus of this blog will be about weight loss, I'd also like to make it a regular blog. I'll probably interject stories from daily life just so it isn't all about what I ate, what I weigh, and how much I feel like dying after doing crunches.

Your Cast:

Me (Sarah): 35-years old, born in January, grew up in northern Michigan and spent a summer in Chicago. Majored in English at NMU and WMU. Currently work in auto insurance. I'm the nice lady who helps you with your auto claim. I love traveling, trains, reading, roller coasters, swimming, camping, computer games, history, steampunk, the Red Wings, the Tigers, and urban decay/exploration.

Brent: 37 years old, born in July, grew up in Kentucky, Florida, and Texas then moved to Albuquerque, NM when he was 12. Relocated to Michigan in June 2011 to be with me (awww). Works as a computer programmer in the medical field. He loves computer games, video games, zombie/horror movies, "South Park", beaches, mountains, conspiracy theories (to laugh at), chocolate, the Cubs, the Bears, and reading.

Brent and I have been together since January 2010. We were friends for about a year before we started dating. We met on World of Warcraft (an online computer game). We found out we had a lot in common, traded MySpace/Facebook info, and became friends, just like that. I talked to him every night, and then we started emailing each other during the day. In late January, he told me he had feelings for me, and I booked a plane ticket to NM.

I flew to Albuquerque to meet him in February 2010. My struggles with the airplane seat are a story in and of itself. :( Anyway, as soon as I hugged him, I knew he was the one for me. I know that sounds crazy, like some Lifetime movie, but it's true. I felt like I was hugging someone I'd known my entire life. He felt familiar to me; that's the only way I can explain it. It was like we'd been hugging for years.

He came to see me in May 2010, and then I went back to Albuquerque in August 2010. Then, it was a long, horrendous five months until we saw each other in January 2011. At that point, we started talking about him moving here. (He wasn't employed at the time, so it made sense for him to come here.) He hemmed and hawed for a bit, since it wasn't an easy decision, so I came up with the compromise of visiting more often. I'd just gotten a promotion, so I could pay for more train tickets. He decided to come back for a visit in March 2011.

When he did come back in March, he decided to move here. Yay! Saying goodbye after that trip wasn't so hard, but the next couple of months took forever to pass by. He arrived in Michigan on June 1, 2011. Now that I look back on it, the time flew by, but it was crazy-long when we were in the thick of it. I'm glad we plan to stay together forever, because I refuse to do another long-distance relationship. ;)

He found a great job in his career field only three weeks after moving here, so it really was kismet.

Procrastination is Awesome

Wow. It's been a while. So much for updating. Oops!

When I wrote the original entry, I weighed 357 pounds. I'm down to 351 now. I've been walking on and off and trying to watch my food. I've had a lot of slip-ups, mostly due to lack of meal planning. We have a teeny-tiny kitchen with a teeny-tiny fridge. Our freezer will only hold a couple of containers and not much else. Two ice cube trays take up half of it. This means I can't cook ahead, which means I often whip together a quick dinner that lacks nutrition. That, or I'm so hungry that I don't take time to cook and end up having something like cereal or take-out. This really needs to stop. I try to eat very little during the day to make up for my horrible-ness at night.

Anyway, I've noticed most of the weight loss in my waist. That's where I always lose it first (and it's the last area I gain weight). My butt/thighs are always the first to expand and the last to go. I was wearing a size 26 Lane Bryant Right Fit Blue (curvy), average length. Now I'm in a size 24 petite (same brand). My jeans have always been long, but petites never used to fit me because the low rise barely covered me. Now that Lane Bryant has higher rises to accommodate for da booty, I can wear petites. Yay for not tripping on my pants anymore. They fit so much better too. I look thinner simply because my jeans actually fit. Score.

We move into a new place in 2.5 months, so I'll finally be able to use my crock pot and do meal planning. (The new apartment has a human-sized kitchen!) I can freeze an entire week's worth of lunches/dinners. I'm so excited! I love healthy, nutritious food. I've been sick of this grab-and-go lifestyle. I hope the weight starts to melt off once I can start freezing food and planning ahead. My favorite meal is chicken with veggies and couscous. I've been bookmarking/pinning lots of recipes from skinnytaste.com.

Additionally, my friend is creating a workout room in her basement. We're going to do The Firm workouts 2-3 days per week. I'm really excited about that since we used to Firm together years ago. It's a great workout and is both fun and demanding. Also, since our new place is much bigger, I can supplement with "Just Dance" and "Zumba" on the off days. We'll also have a basement and garage, which means I can get a bike and not worry about it getting stolen. I'd love to bike the Kal-Haven trail when it's nice outside.

As for my first entry on January 18, I've already noticed some improvements. My knees don't hurt anymore, which is awesome. Stairs aren't as hard as they used to be. I don't waddle when I walk. So even though I haven't lost a lot of weight yet, I'm already noticing a difference, like I've conditioned my legs to actually work properly. Some friends of ours took us to the dunes the other day, and even though I wanted to DIE halfway through the hike, I felt awesome when we finished. I only had to stop once, after we went up a huge, sandy hill where every step made you slide backward and start all over again. Oof. That was killer. Sure, my boyfriend was running up and down hills like it was nothing, but I tried not to get jealous. I used to weigh as much as he does, and it was just as easy for me back then. I'll get there someday. :)